initforreal Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My boyfriend & I have been seeing other for about a month now. I have 4 kids (16, 15, 12, 10) & he has 2 (18,14). How long do you wait to introduce your partner to your kids? Mine know all about him. Neither of us has brought it up, but I guess it's something we need to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My boyfriend & I have been seeing other for about a month now. I have 4 kids (16, 15, 12, 10) & he has 2 (18,14). How long do you wait to introduce your partner to your kids? Mine know all about him. Neither of us has brought it up, but I guess it's something we need to talk about. When it feels right and both of you are comfortable being introduced. For me, it was around 2 months in and when we started discussing long term plans. I dated on and off for about 8 months before I met him and he is the first to be introduced to my kids since my divorce. I didn't want my kids to witness various men coming in and out of my life, so for me, it's when you feel like this is a sure thing for LT potential. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Wait until you know the relationship has long term potential. A month is too soon, IMO. I met my bf's children after 5 months together and I feel it was too soon, but he kept pushing for it. I wish we had waited. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 When it feels like it's right. Depends on the age of the kids too. I didn't let them know I was dating, rather, we were just friends. When our kids got together, we would go on "play dates." Tried to stay away from showing PDA in front of them. The two of you must talk about this. With older kids, they pick up on things much quicker. My gf and I introduced our kids very early on. Within a month. Looking back, would not do this again, but luckily it worked out okay. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 WAYYYYY too soon! You've only known this guy a month. You shouldn't even be considering this at this point. Very unfair to your children to bring men in and out of their lives. If your still together several months from now and it's leading to potential ltr then start considering it. Don't be one of those selfish moms. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My boyfriend & I have been seeing other for about a month now. [...] How long do you wait to introduce your partner to your kids? Mine know all about him. A hell of a lot longer than a month! Like maybe 8 months to a year. Dating partners come and go, and it's typical for relationships to last several months and then fizzle. Don't subject your kids to the ups and down of your dating life––insulate them. I'm not saying they shouldn't know about him, but there is simply nothing to be gained from introducing them early. If they just know that you're dating it's a distant, abstract idea to them. But when you introduce them it gets very real for them and they'll have lots of feelings to deal with, mostly negative. They'll wonder if this person is soon to be their step-parent, they'll wonder if he's banging their mother, they'll be resentful that he's there instead of their dad, they'll have to decide if they're going to accept him or not, they'll over analyze everything he says or what you say about him, they'll try to influence you based on their own feelings. In other words, it's traumatic! The other thing is that how the kids react (I almost guarantee it's not going to be a celebration) can make or break a relationship. He's dating you, not your kids. Wait until you start talking about a future together and spare the kids all the uncertainties of your dating life. Once you know the relationship has a future you can present him to the kids without all of the ambiguity. At that point you're not giving them the option to accept him or not, you're saying to them that he is your choice. Anyway... this is not something I think is the least bit debatable. Don't make it complicated until the relationship is much farther along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Your kids are older so it's a different story, if you are both comfortable, why not give it a whirl. My daughter is young (5 yo) and I have a hard set rule of 4 - 6 months; I feel with younger kids you need to be a little more conservative. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Are these the kids of the ex that wants to get back with you and texted your new bf? I think the combination of four kids and a stalker ex may be too much for this man. Too much, too soon. WAY too much! (That goes for the hotel room on Valentine's Day as well). You've been on what, six dates? Back off and let this guy make plans and call some of the shots if you're truly interested in him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author initforreal Posted February 10, 2014 Author Share Posted February 10, 2014 I'm in no hurry for my kids to meet him or to meet his kids. I just didn't know how to go about it. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Wait until you know the relationship has long term potential. A month is too soon, IMO. I met my bf's children after 5 months together and I feel it was too soon, but he kept pushing for it. I wish we had waited. ^^ THIS ^^ My fiancé had me wait six months before meeting his kids. And that was well into knowing we had a future together. (We just got married). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Wow. We waited about a year. We started dating right after each of our divorces so that was fresh wounds for our children. Mine were (11 & 13) his were (7 & 9). We met each met each others families much sooner, but we wanted to make sure the kids would be ok with the whole dating thing. After reading everyone else, seems we waited a really long time, but for us it was good. When we decided we had a future together it seemed. Have to say though, my daughter was a bit upset when be broke up 8 months ago. She got very attached to him and his kids and whole family. I wouldnt want to be introducing each guy I dated to them even now that they are 14 & 17. Have to make sure the guy is worth meeting my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
StumpyNB Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 I waited about 4 months, and would have waited longer if I could have. But my 10 year old was engineering situations to force a meeting as soon as she found out I might have a lady friend. I wanted to make sure it happened on my terms, in a situation I could control, rather than completely 'random' and by surprise. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 When you've been together seriously and exclusively for at least six months. They don't need your romantic drama. Your first priority should be your kids until they turn 18. And do NOT ask them for dating advice! Link to post Share on other sites
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