Single moms still in their 20's.

[NGC1300]

I'm really on the fence about whether I should consider dating them in general. I'm 29, and unfortunately many of the attractive single women around my age seem to have kids.

 

I will admit I'm kind of disgusted by the sheer proliferation of young single parents.

 

I mean, it's highly unlikely the dad died, so am I right to conclude they were irresponsible, regardless of how bad they'll claim the father was? If they weren't even married, that sickens me even further.

 

Should I give them the benefit of the doubt?

[Phoe]

Should I give them the benefit of the doubt?

 

Until you truly know what's going on with them, yes, you should.

 

 

But really, if it's not for you, there ARE plenty of young single attractive women without kids. Maybe something about your location dictates your situation, but if you look a little further, you'll find those women.

[runningfar]

I'm really on the fence about whether I should consider dating them in general. I'm 29, and unfortunately many of the attractive single women around my age seem to have kids.

 

I will admit I'm kind of disgusted by the sheer proliferation of young single parents.

 

I mean, it's highly unlikely the dad died, so am I right to conclude they were irresponsible, regardless of how bad they'll claim the father was? If they weren't even married, that sickens me even further.

 

Should I give them the benefit of the doubt?

 

No. You absolutely should never date anybody who disgusts you.

 

For example, as the daughter of a mother who was single until she remarried my step dad, I would never date somebody who said anything like you just said.

Just bad business, dating people who sicken you.

[NGC1300]

 

You also shouldn't be so judgmental.

 

Does anyone else NOT see this? The vast array of young single parents?

 

I am asking, is there a genuine reason why I shouldn't be disgusted?

 

Please tell me, what excuse apart from dad dying does a 25 year-old single mother really have? I swear that's an honest question.

[ponchsox]

Dating a single mom takes a special kind of person. You will always be #2 in their life as you should. It takes an extreme amount of maturity and patience. I just broke up with a semi-long distance relationship with a single mom. It was nearly impossible to find quality alone time which became a deal breaker for moving forward.

[MalachiX]

Ever seen what happens to the kids of parents who dislike one another, but stay together? It's worse that the kids of divorced parents.

 

You have so much to learn. You should quit embarrassing yourself while you're behind.

 

Why should he quit?

 

At least when he says stuff like this people know what kind of person he is.

 

I get more frustrated with those who take forever to reveal their true colors. I was having a burger with an aquaintance (would call him a friend except for this incident I'm about to describe), and he started complaining about a friend of mine who he said was unprofessional (which isn't accurate, but he's entitled to his opinion). Then he adds, "Oh, and you know he has a five year old kid right?"

 

I say, "so?"

 

He replies, "he's 28 and has a five year old kid. Just tells you about something about someone."

 

I say, "what does it tell you?" I'm getting where he's going but I really want to hear him say it.

 

He finally says, "just tells you about someone's morals."

 

Now, this was a guy who had bragged to me countless times about all the chicks he'd bang in high school and college yet here he is judging someone else for their sexuality. **** him.

 

Really took me by surprise since he was a fairly liberal guy.

[NGC1300]

Ever seen what happens to the kids of parents who dislike one another, but stay together? It's worse that the kids of divorced parents.

 

Kids or not, when did I say unhappy couples should remain together? Nice non sequitur.

 

If you read my original post, I was addressing my contempt for the proliferation of young single parents. In case you haven't noticed, they're not a minority.

[CptSaveAho]

not really.... i cringe when i see those idiots wreck their lives

 

disgusted is an appropriate word for his perception

[FitChick]

Just have brief affairs with these women -- make sure you meet away from her home and never meet the kids. It would be easier for her as well since most of them don't want anything serious. Win-win!

 

Oh, and don't forget to wear a condom.

 

By the way, being "judgmental" used to be called "having an opinion." I forgot we no longer have free speech in the US.

[NGC1300]

But to refer to them as "disgusting" like they are vermin not worth our time, makes the OP, the only disgusting one here.

 

I think you misunderstand.

 

I never claimed every young single parent is disgusting. What I find disgusting is, again, the proliferation of them. I would go as far as to say it's mainstream, and no person of intellectual honesty can say anything positive about this.

[heartshaped]

Have you ever considered that many of the attractive people your age [who may or may not have children] may not want to date you?

 

I certainly wouldn't and I don't even have children.

[MalachiX]

I don't know, but I would have never had a kid with some guy I was only dating or living with back when I was 20 or 22. If we're not married, it ain't happening. I don't care to be yet another irresponsible statistic.

 

And I was smart enough - and responsible enough - to make sure it DIDN'T happen. It's not freakin rocket science.

 

OP, you're entitled to your opinion. For the most part, I agree with you.

 

THANK YOU!!! I was really starting to get worried that only men were going to be sharing this idiotic attitude. I was so frightened that a thread like this would be used as more ammo for man-hating posts on these boards.

 

Thank you for proving that women can be just as clueless about this kind of thing as men can. Makes me feel a lot better.

 

P.S. If you had sex at all in your early 20s without getting your tubes tied or your partner having a vasectomy, then you didn't get pregnant because you were LUCKY. I know it's a lot more fun to smugly think that you were too "smart" and "responsible" (your words, not mine) to get pregnant but you were lucky. People who were less lucky don't deserve your scorn or disgust.

[Treasa]

My mom got married at 20. Had me at 21. Divorced my father a few years later because he started abusing drugs and started abusing us.

 

Go ahead and be disgusted, even though you've never been in any of their situations.

 

For the record, my mom has had an amazing life thus far, and so have I, so no need to pity those women, either.

Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MalachiX]

If a girl can say "Hey, you have no job because you didn't go to college. I don't want to date a poor loser." [using 'loser' in line with 'disgusting' here] some people may claim "Hey, she has every right to look for a husband who can provide for her. Nothing wrong with that." And what I was saying is "20s w/ kids' [whether there was a just departure from the previous marriage or whether it was a mistake/irresponsibility on girl's part] comes with certain responsibilities/lifestyle choices and OP has every right to consider those and say "Dating this group can mean this to me" and if that is unacceptable he has every right to skip that group. Free country. That does not mean "20s w/ kids" group are bad or undateable/undesirable. Not at all.

 

Except that's not what he said and you know it. He didn't say he just waned to skip these people because of compatibility. He said that he was "disgusted" by them. He said that he was "sickened" by them. He said that he had "contempt" for how many of them there were. He also asked what excuse they have for their present situation as though they somehow need to explain themselves to some jerk on a message board.

 

And you linking this to women who are jerks just creates a never-ending cycle of crap that makes the world a worse place (I realize that sounds kinda melodramatic but it's true).

 

When I hear a woman say, "Hey, you have no job because you didn't go to college. I don't want to date a poor loser." I think that woman is a jerk and I want nothing to do with her. I don't decide I'm going to take out my frustration with one shallow women on all the single Mom's of the world. The fact that you feel the need to excuse this guys attitude and someone make single parents culpable for the kind of rude comments that SOME shallow women make is very troubling. Every time you read one of those annoying man-hating threads on these boards, remember that the women making them and keeping them going are doing the same thing you are by sticking up for the OP. They're taking something crappy a man has done and essentially making it the responsibility of all men to deal with. That's what your last comment essentially was.

[NGC1300]

If you had sex at all in your early 20s without getting your tubes tied or your partner having a vasectomy, then you didn't get pregnant because you were LUCKY. I know it's a lot more fun to smugly think that you were too "smart" and "responsible" (your words, not mine) to get pregnant but you were lucky. People who were less lucky don't deserve your scorn or disgust.

 

 

Latex condoms, when used properly, have a fail rate of 2%

 

Oral contraception 0.3%.

 

Frankly there's way too many young single parents out there for you to blame failed contraception.

 

Luck has almost nothing to do with it; it's called responsibility.

Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Treasa]

Don't worry about it. You aren't doing them any harm by not dating them

Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MalachiX]

 

Latex condoms, when used properly, have a fail rate of 2%

 

Oral contraception 0.3%.

 

Frankly there's way too many young single parents out there for you to blame failed contraception.

 

Luck has almost nothing to do with it; it's called responsibility.

 

 

Let's do some math shall we? If latex condoms have a fail rate of 2% than wouldn't mean that everyone who has had sex with them more than 50 times should expect a failure? Maybe you've NEVER had sex without using more than two methods of birth control at the same time but most people in the world havn't.

 

But you know what? Let's not even talk about birth control.

 

What about the people who got pregnant because they had sex without it? I'm sure there are a lot.

 

That's a mistake. Thank God none of us "responsible" people ever made a mistake when we were in our teens or early 20s. Right? We've never done ANYTHING which was a bad idea. Things like perhaps having too much to drink (which can cause all kinds of problems for other people). Things like talking on a cell-phone while driving (which causes a HUGE amount of car accidents that get people killed).

 

I foolishly let Sunday school make me think that only Jesus and (for Catholics) The Pope was infaulible. Now that I've met you, I urge you to take your message to all those who will listen. Explain to them their lack of worth because they lack the perfection that you so clearly embody. Let them know how foolish it was for them to try to raise their children alone rather than abandoning them. Most of all, make sure you explain to them that no matter how long ago any mistake may have been, it's enough to make them less of a person for the rest of their lives.

 

Seriously, stop reading my post and get out there. The world needs you!

Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NGC1300]

Go ahead and be disgusted, even though you've never been in any of their situations.

 

I don't know how many times I have to explain this.

 

I'm not disgusted because your mom was single; I'm disgusted by the mainstream status of young single parents.

 

Again, no honest person can say anything positive about this fact.

Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MalachiX]

I don't know how many times I have to explain this.

 

I'm not disgusted because your mom was single; I'm disgusted by the mainstream status of young single parents.

 

Again, no honest person can say anything positive about this fact.

 

Here's something that's 100% honest and 100% positive.

 

Numerous women end up pregnant before they think they are ready to be a parent. Sometimes it's because of bad luck. Other times because of not enough attention being paid to birth control. Other times because the father of their child turns out not to be the man they thought he was.

 

Despite being in a scary position they don't feel ready for, many of these women decide to take the HARDEST of all their options and raise their child as a single parent because they believe that will be best for the child. They put their own dreams on hold, miss out on a lot of the things that you and I have taken for granted in our 20s, and buckle down and do the right thing. They do it because they love their children. They do it because they are RESPONSIBLE. They do it even though they know that nobody is going to give them a pat on the back. The do it even though they know that d-bags are probably going to sit there and smugly judge them because they have a kid. None of this matters because they love their child enough to be a parent. They've learned to love someone more than they love themselves and put someone else's needs above their own.

 

I think that's one of the most positive things in the world. The fact that you think it deserves your contempt is not only wrong but more than a little frightening.

 

I highly suggest you explain this view of yours to ANY woman you date (whether she has kids or not). I really think it'll help them decide if you're the guy for them. Just make sure you remember to use the words "contempt" "disgusting" and "sickening."

[NGC1300]

Sure. If those kids have one parent that loves them, would do anything for them, would lay down their life for them, how can that be wrong?

 

It isn't wrong.

 

You also didn't answer the question.

[NGC1300]

Most people end up as single parents because the relationship breaks down or a partner dies. It's not something they plan.

 

More like failed to plan. Remember, we're talking about parents in their 20's. Many weren't even married when they got pregnant. Sorry if I cannot find the positivity in their actions.

 

You didn't answer my question either. Tit for tat. Why is this such an issue for you?

 

Look at the statistics. The number of children living in single-parent homes has doubled in recent decades. Yes one parent may love them, but again there's nothing positive about these figures. It doesn't bode well for society at all. I feel bad for the kids.

Edited October 6, 2013 by NGC1300

[Radu]

I'm really on the fence about whether I should consider dating them in general. I'm 29, and unfortunately many of the attractive single women around my age seem to have kids.

 

I will admit I'm kind of disgusted by the sheer proliferation of young single parents.

 

I mean, it's highly unlikely the dad died, so am I right to conclude they were irresponsible, regardless of how bad they'll claim the father was? If they weren't even married, that sickens me even further.

 

Should I give them the benefit of the doubt?

 

If you live in the western world it's highly unlikely that all their husbands died and they are widows.

It's also very unlikely that in all cases the baby father's was a deadbeat.

 

In these situations be carefull you are not being setup as a white in shining armor by some woman who needs to be 'rescued'.

It's bait, it feeds into our need to provide and it's very manipulative.

 

If you ever meet a woman in this situation that on deep reflection says 'we both made mistakes, and were just too young for this responsability even though we both love our child' [or something like this], then it's quite likely you have a good one on your hands.

It shows that she can do humility and is self-aware ... a very important trait.

Edited October 6, 2013 by Radu

[MalachiX]

Why? You don't know what the dynamics of the home are. Single parents are perfectly capable of raising healthy kids, just as 2 parent families can be capable of raising idiots.

 

It's interesting because both I and my roomate lived in homes where our parents fought a lot and this damaged our view of relationships. He once said to me that, "we would have been in so much better shape if our parents hadn't been together because we wouldn't have been traumatized." I disagreed (in my case at least since I didn't live his life in his home). I said, "I think my parents made the decisions they thought were right and did the best they could. Yeah, some of the things they did were mistakes and some hurt me but that's life. I'm not perfect and I don't expect them to be."

 

At the end of the day, despite all the problems, threats of divorce, screaming, ect; I still love my family. Maybe they screwed me up a little but I love them because i know they're good people who were doing their best. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I have a feeling that there are a lot of people who wouldn't trade their single parent for anything either. I think that's pretty positive (and something else the haters can stick up their butts

[MalachiX]

So true!

 

I went to school with a guy whose parents stayed together, even though they hated one another. Big mistake. It screwed the kids up badly. They should have just divorced.

 

The parents just have to do what is best for the kids. Married, divorced, whatever - just do what is best for them.

 

I don't think any of us know what the "right choice" is. I don't think there's way to really weigh the pros and cons of having human beings in your life. That's not really how love works (I think).

 

I think we just have to accept it when people love us and be grateful when we have people who love us in our lives.

 

I'm grateful for my parents, even though they are incredibly ****ed up. Other people are grateful for having just one parent.

[Leigh 87]

Let me break it down for you.

 

- a young, attractive girl in your 20's could meet and fall in love with a man who cheats or treats them badly, or when the relationship fails

 

- men can lie, cheat and deceive young or older women, without displaying any clear warning signs; it does not mean these young single parents just picked any old guy to have a child with; these men could have seemed like the right guy for them at the time

 

- a lot of young single women did not necessarily sleep around and make a series of irresponsible choices.

 

- having a child with a partner you are in love with and think is the right man, is NOT "disgusting" or " irresponsible"

 

 

You are assuming things about young, single women. They could be loyal, faithful and good quality women who simply had a child with a man who did not turn out to be " the one" for them.

 

Especially since they are young, things change; people grow apart. It is very common for relationships to fail and not last a life time.

 

In fact, it is common sense really, to realise that most relationships tend to fail and not last a life time... Hence the single young parents title.

 

 

....... It is alarming that you do not factor in all these things?

 

If you want a women who has not slept with many guys, makes responsible choices, and is not a low quality character, go for it!

 

I urge you to not go for these single mums who "disgust" you, though, as they deserve a guy who is not, well.. "disgusted" by their past:sick:

 

 

...By the way, plenty of young single women have bad morals, are irresponsible, and are not all that great!

And, surprise surprise, there are MANY single young mums who are VERY responsible, do not sleep around with any guy who looks twice at them, and who have integrity and many good attributes you look for.

Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator