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Should I be mad at my boyfriend?

Sweeetie

By Sweeetie,
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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 weeks. He is always very kind and caring to me and unlike any I've had before.

 

Tonight he took me to a nice bar where he had reserved a table for us. It was to be a special date so I put on a nice dress to impress him. The waitress who was serving our table flirted with him a bit and every time she walked past us I noticed he was ogling her and following her with his eyes. The stares were very long and deep each time and he knew that I noticed.

 

The first time he did it I pointed it out in a playful 'woo you like her ass huh?' He pretended he wasn't looking at her. But the subsequent times it got more serious and he could see I was getting bothered by it, and each time he pretended he wasn't looking at her. Finally I said 'you find her attractive, don't you?" He hesitated and then said, 'you're prettier'. I responded "so you do find her attractive then?" He repeated "but you're prettier." I didn't respond well to this, moreso because he was lying about not ogling that girl. It's the only time he hasn't been honest with me. He tried to say to me that I am special to him but I dismissed it.

 

Am I overreacting? We have something planned for Friday, a boat party which I had got us tickets to, now I'm thinking of cancelling it.

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gaius

gaius

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It's pretty humiliating when you devote a night to someone and they spend that time staring at some other ass besides your own. You have every right to be mad. ;)

 

I would cancel that boat ride unless it's supposed to be a total sausage fest.

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Phantom888

Phantom888

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If he "looks" when you are around, can you imagine how he behaves when you are not with him? Some men have this habit, and it cannot change. It's what gives them pleasure...to drool over other women. You either accept or not.

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ChessPieceFace

ChessPieceFace

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Looking at other women/people isn't the problem on its own, since everyone does it. The problem is that he was blatant and unapologetic about it. He sounds like a sleazebag to me.

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snowflakes88

snowflakes88

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Boyfriend after 2 weeks? that is pretty quick. Either way what he did was very disrespectful and you have every right to be upset.

 

Based on her last thread, I don't think he knows he's her boyfriend. :laugh:

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JourneyLady

JourneyLady

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My ex-bf did something like this about 1.5 months in. I don't feel he ever really did commit to me. I'd take it as a sign. It's rude, for one thing, and if you're seeing it then he really doesn't have good self-control and/or will do exactly what he wants (even if it's rude) and will "gaslight" you when you confront him with his behavior. Neither of which you want in a boyfriend.

 

Move on quickly, before you find yourself in love with someone who doesn't love you, like I did.

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snowflakes88

snowflakes88

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Does it matter? It's rude to do that, even on a first date!

 

I'm not giving his behavior a pass at all. I'm asking because it seems weird to me that she keeps referring to him as her "boyfriend" when they are not in a relationship.

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KatZee

KatZee

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OP I think you're jumping the gun. If this guy hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, then he is not your boyfriend. This is just a guy you're dating and hooking up with (FWB or casual relationship).

 

So in the past he's made comments about other girls, and then oogles other girls in your face. He also won't tell anyone you're together. (Because in his mind, you two are NOT together).

 

Those things right there show he's not all that serious about you, he's in it for the fun... not for the serious commitment of it.

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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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Did you ask him if you guys are in a relationship yet?

 

Based on her last thread, I don't think he knows he's her boyfriend. :laugh:

 

Hello Snowflakes! We talked about it during the date and agreed we are officially now a couple. I ain't as stupid as you think. :)

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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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OP I think you're jumping the gun. If this guy hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, then he is not your boyfriend. This is just a guy you're dating and hooking up with (FWB or casual relationship).

 

So in the past he's made comments about other girls, and then oogles other girls in your face. He also won't tell anyone you're together. (Because in his mind, you two are NOT together).

 

Those things right there show he's not all that serious about you, he's in it for the fun... not for the serious commitment of it.

 

Hey Katzee thanks for your post, I was thinking that too as you saw in my last thread- until last nights date cleared that uncertainty. I should have clarified that for others who read my last thread already. Last night he said he wants to be together and that he now wants to tell people about us. And this was before I got mad at him for his behaviour. I don't know what to do now because he is so kind and caring in every other way, he just doesn't have eyes only for me :-/

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Carenth

Carenth

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Sorry to burst your bubble. You have know this guy for a whole two weeks correct? You don't know him yet and you are seeing glimpses of what he is actually like. Consciously or not people tend to put their best foot forward in the early days of a relationship and this is very early days. Someone who is "kind and caring" would not act in this manner.

 

He is behaving like this already? Sorry that is a major red flag and I would reassessing dating this guy as this will only be the beginning of this sort of behavior. If you have issues with it now best to call it day while it's earlier then be surprised when it continues as you date longer.

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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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Looking at other women/people isn't the problem on its own, since everyone does it. The problem is that he was blatant and unapologetic about it. He sounds like a sleazebag to me.

 

Yes exactly. He didn't apologise even once. When I got back home last night I found a text from him saying "thanks for coming tonight, goodnight! Hope you're not too tipsy ;)"

 

I responded saying "If I were tipsy i wouldn't be able to get hurt."

 

His reply: "I feel sad to hear that you were. That certainly was not the intention at all."

 

My reply: "It's moreso because you didn't speak the truth when you said you were not staring at the waitress. Clearly you were, because you admitted you found her attractive. Girls can see these things Chris."

 

And he didn't reply to that.

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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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Sorry to burst your bubble. You have know this guy for a whole two weeks correct? You don't know him yet and you are seeing glimpses of what he is actually like. Consciously or not people tend to put their best foot forward in the early days of a relationship and this is very early days. Someone who is "kind and caring" would not act in this manner.

 

He is behaving like this already? Sorry that is a major red flag and I would reassessing dating this guy as this will only be the beginning of this sort of behavior. If you have issues with it now best to call it day while it's earlier then be surprised when it continues as you date longer.

 

Yes. This is what I was saying to him last night.

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todreaminblue

todreaminblue

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It is really disrespectful to do this at any time first date or even in mixed company...it isnt appropriate at any time or any place except for two places where it is expected ....a brothel and a strip club...

 

 

 

it isnt only on him though i dont feel it is appropriate to flirt with a customer unless you are ina brothel then thats your job...even less when that customer sits with another female its her disrespecting you..its not part of the service and its tacky even at a brothel the girls will not flirt with a customer who has another hooker sitting next to him...its code fo conduct yes even hookers have a code of conduct......so anyhoo ...

 

 

 

i do think its normal for guys to notice pretty women......but not to stare their body parts out........you should feel upset.....he isnt right for you........

 

 

 

 

this is one thing i noticed about my first ex which should have been a red flag for me..i chose to ignore it because i was comfortable with the way i was, i attracted attention, and i felt it was normal for guys to do this due to circumstances though...i was naive and young and over exposed to immorality ....he ended up being very unfaithful...... and we split due to that..to this day he stares at women if that doesnt change he will always be a bachelor...and very alone...

 

 

 

 

if a guy has a roving eye....the penis is not far behind it follows the eyes at a later stage and penis with no upper brain, likes action not just observation...save yourself some heartache now......end it...............i wish you well with a guy who appreciates you for you.....hugs...deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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Apparently, this started out as basically a hookup or FWB situation from what I'm reading from the other posters in this thread. And a mere 2 weeks later, your 'girlfriend and boyfriend?'

 

 

 

Those other posters who thought he was my FWB made a misinterpretation; if you read my other threads you will see that in no place have I used this terminology. This guy and I were friends for a few months and 2 weeks ago we started dating, I didn't know if we were 'official' until he confirmed it last night. That's what it was.

 

I agree with the rest of your post very much, your words are helping me to see

that I really shouldn't invest much time on this guy. It's just that he is tremendously caring in every other way. He just has a wandering eye because he's such a boy :mad:

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TigerCub

TigerCub

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Those other posters who thought he was my FWB made a misinterpretation; if you read my other threads you will see that in no place have I used this terminology. This guy and I were friends for a few months and 2 weeks ago we started dating, I didn't know if we were 'official' until he confirmed it last night. That's what it was.

 

I agree with the rest of your post very much, your words are helping me to see

that I really shouldn't invest much time on this guy. It's just that he is tremendously caring in every other way. He just has a wandering eye because he's such a boy :mad:

 

So he pretty much stated that he wanted to be official on that same lovely date where he showed you that he'll drool over other girls right in front of you?

 

I'm sorry, that's just silly.

You should have told him 'No thanks, I don't want to have a boyfriend that disrespects me'

 

But you agreed - and all that shows him is that you'll put up with his disrespect & crap.

 

too bad...

 

Also, I agree with another poster that said wanting him to admit that he thought the waitress is attractive is just pointless. You know he found her attractive, that's not the real issue.

 

People look at attractive people, men do it, women do it - but to just make it so obvious that's what's rude about it.

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ChessPieceFace

ChessPieceFace

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Yes exactly. He didn't apologise even once. When I got back home last night I found a text from him saying "thanks for coming tonight, goodnight! Hope you're not too tipsy ;)"

 

I responded saying "If I were tipsy i wouldn't be able to get hurt."

 

His reply: "I feel sad to hear that you were. That certainly was not the intention at all."

 

My reply: "It's moreso because you didn't speak the truth when you said you were not staring at the waitress. Clearly you were, because you admitted you found her attractive. Girls can see these things Chris."

 

And he didn't reply to that.

 

I don't know what you expect to gain from that. You're 2 weeks in and already nagging and guilting him and calling him a liar. Now what you're doing is as bad as what he did. Just move on.

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mercuryshadow

mercuryshadow

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Honestly, I believe you should excuse this guy from being your boyfriend.

 

Yes, guys you date WILL find other girls attractive, but if they truly care for you, they won't make it obvious or divert their attention from you for another pretty face.

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TigerCub

TigerCub

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2 weeks in, this sort of behavior requires immediate dumping. There is nothing to discuss.

 

Agreed!

 

That's when guys are supposed to put their best foot forward - if that's his best...ugh I'd hate to see the s**t he'd pull when he's "comfortable".

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BluEyeL

BluEyeL

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I once went on a first date with a guy and he looked at a woman in a short skirt walking by our table....several times she walked, several times he loooooookeed. Needless to say, turned him down for a second. I remember I gave him a BS reason like "we don't have the same level of energy". I guess two weeks in, "he is always" and "he never" are too strong statements. He was disrespectful.

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