Any female insight on mixed signals?

[BBR84]

Hi All.

Overview

About a month and a half ago, I got matched with a beautiful, classy, educated, financially stable girl with very similar interests and values on Tinder dating app. I got a little backstory from mutual Facebook friends and she is legit. We hit it off really well on Tinder - we trade numbers and text for awhile - I express interest in meeting for coffee or the like and she agrees – we miss each other a couple times due to my lack of assertiveness and short notice – she responds well to my very assertive/advanced notice 3rd approach but says she has family in town but that she would try get some time away. She includes a "for future reference ; )" and suggests we stay in touch. I didn't hear from her that weekend and haven't reached out to her since. That's almost 2 weeks ago.

 

She's not ignored me and has responded to all of my attempts at meeting in person with reasons that she couldn't meet, but also ended each text with subtle lines like "Talk to you soon", "for future reference ; )", or "stay in touch".

 

 

Important Details

- I just moved back to a southern state from NYC and working on launching my start-up in the college town she lives in. I currently live about 80 miles away and visit said town frequently throughout the week while I’m getting the start-up going. She knows these details about me. I told her if she'd prefer to meet when I'm fully established, no worries - she says she's not worried about it and "wouldn't mind hearing more in person".

 

 

- She doesn’t mention that she has a 2 year old daughter on Tinder nor has she mentioned this to me yet. I looked her up with my invisible Match profile and she does talk about her 2 year old on Match so I don’t think she’s intentionally hiding it. Tinder can be weird. I do know from a mutual friend that her 2yo daughter was born out of wedlock and the father is pretty much out of the picture and burned her pretty bad. I noticed that her Match account was new and is a paid subscription. I also noticed she took the profile down within a week.

 

Questions

1) My thought is that she may not be emotionally ready to date and realized this when the reality of actually meeting someone in person presented itself. What do you all think?

 

2) Is there a way to reach out to her in a couple months without being weird or awkward? The timing would be better for me anyhow as I need to focus on this start-up. It's rare to meet women like her in my current neck of the woods and I'd be bummed to let the initial sparks vanish.

 

3) Anything I'm missing here?

[sickpuppy]

Hi All.

Overview

About a month and a half ago, I got matched with a beautiful, classy, educated, financially stable girl with very similar interests and values on Tinder dating app. I got a little backstory from mutual Facebook friends and she is legit. We hit it off really well on Tinder - we trade numbers and text for awhile - I express interest in meeting for coffee or the like and she agrees – we miss each other a couple times due to my lack of assertiveness and short notice – she responds well to my very assertive/advanced notice 3rd approach but says she has family in town but that she would try get some time away. She includes a "for future reference ; )" and suggests we stay in touch. I didn't hear from her that weekend and haven't reached out to her since. That's almost 2 weeks ago.

 

She's not ignored me and has responded to all of my attempts at meeting in person with reasons that she couldn't meet, but also ended each text with subtle lines like "Talk to you soon", "for future reference ; )", or "stay in touch".

 

 

Important Details

- I just moved back to a southern state from NYC and working on launching my start-up in the college town she lives in. I currently live about 80 miles away and visit said town frequently throughout the week while I’m getting the start-up going. She knows these details about me. I told her if she'd prefer to meet when I'm fully established, no worries - she says she's not worried about it and "wouldn't mind hearing more in person".

 

 

- She doesn’t mention that she has a 2 year old daughter on Tinder nor has she mentioned this to me yet. I looked her up with my invisible Match profile and she does talk about her 2 year old on Match so I don’t think she’s intentionally hiding it. Tinder can be weird. I do know from a mutual friend that her 2yo daughter was born out of wedlock and the father is pretty much out of the picture and burned her pretty bad. I noticed that her Match account was new and is a paid subscription. I also noticed she took the profile down within a week.

 

Questions

1) My thought is that she may not be emotionally ready to date and realized this when the reality of actually meeting someone in person presented itself. What do you all think?

 

2) Is there a way to reach out to her in a couple months without being weird or awkward? The timing would be better for me anyhow as I need to focus on this start-up. It's rare to meet women like her in my current neck of the woods and I'd be bummed to let the initial sparks vanish.

 

3) Anything I'm missing here?

 

Just keep your cool and think of her as a friend for now you flirt with. She could be out looking for a better deal while stringing you along with "promises" to "meet" as well to see if you get tired of it or if you are a fool.

 

If I don't get counter offers to them not meeting I consider those types seeking attention only while they pine after someone who suits their nonsense.

 

This chick seems to be playing a game. You have to ignore it though and keep HER on the backburner while you search for better people. It seems that's the way it is now. Don't get mad or upset at anything. But if it really starts getting to you just keep HER as an option. In the end you might decide she isn't worth it period.

 

People who truly like us won't confuse us.

Edited September 23, 2013 by sickpuppy

[BBR84]

Thanks for your reply, sickpuppy.

 

If I don't get counter offers to them not meeting I consider those types seeking attention only while they pine after someone who suits their nonsense.

 

Good point about the counter-offers. Each time she does ask, "How long are you in town for?" because she knows that I don't live there yet but visit frequently while I'm launching my start-up.

 

How does one maintain flirtatious communication via text with a 31 yo woman (not a 22yo girl) he hasn't met in person? Seems like that would be weird/awkward to do.

Edited September 23, 2013 by BBR84

[mtber75]

Just keep your cool and think of her as a friend for now you flirt with. She could be out looking for a better deal while stringing you along with "promises" to "meet" as well to see if you get tired of it or if you are a fool.

 

If I don't get counter offers to them not meeting I consider those types seeking attention only while they pine after someone who suits their nonsense.

 

This chick seems to be playing a game. You have to ignore it though and keep HER on the backburner while you search for better people. It seems that's the way it is now. Don't get mad or upset at anything. But if it really starts getting to you just keep HER as an option. In the end you might decide she isn't worth it period.

 

People who truly like us won't confuse us.

 

It seems like she is somewhat interested since she's asking you questions. Its up to you to be more assertive (you answered your own question) and ask her out on a direct date. Make a solid plan don't be wishy washy on your plans! Be direct than you'll get an answer. If she's being wishy washy after you ask her directly, than she's playing games with you... Move on!

[charlietheginger]

You cant expect her to drop everything in her life for some stranger

she met on a dating website......

 

chances are she is just chatting talking and seeing is out there

and not to serious becuase women with dating profiles get new

emails daily and always have options. If your a women with

a decent face and body you will have a endless supply

of online dates.....

 

 

if she really really really was into you she would have atleast

met in person to see if chemistry existed in person.

chances are she aint feeling it for you right now.....

 

play it cool dont look desperate you cant force someone to

like you or meet you. just be yourself and dont make as much

contact this will ether signal to her your losing interest

and may have found someone else. If she really likes you

she will pick up the pace or let you move on

[BBR84]

9122103 wrote:

Yes, you are missing something. She is not interested. Think about it, you've been trying to meet up for *a month and a half* without any success [or counter-offers] and on top you are getting "Stay in touch" [which is one of the code words for women, that you're in the backburner]. So she doesn't have 30 mins to see you, for a month and a half, that is what you want to believe?

 

Normally, I would completely agree with you and would move on except that I currently live a 90 minute drive from her and travel frequently for work and she is a full-time professional and single mom to a 2 year old. Those factors make meeting up a little more difficult.

 

mtber75 wrote:

It seems like she is somewhat interested since she's asking you questions. Its up to you to be more assertive (you answered your own question) and ask her out on a direct date. Make a solid plan don't be wishy washy on your plans! Be direct than you'll get an answer. If she's being wishy washy after you ask her directly, than she's playing games with you... Move on!

I was direct and assertive but she had the scheduling conflict with the game. Hence, her response of "for future reference" and "how long are you in town?".

 

Charlietheginger wrote:

You cant expect her to drop everything in her life for some stranger

she met on a dating website......

 

chances are she is just chatting talking and seeing is out there

and not to serious becuase women with dating profiles get new

emails daily and always have options. If your a women with

a decent face and body you will have a endless supply

of online dates.....

Agreed.

 

if she really really really was into you she would have atleast

met in person to see if chemistry existed in person.

chances are she aint feeling it for you right now.....

Yes, I think so too. The confusion comes from her suggestions to stay in touch and her inquiries as to how long I'll be in town, etc.

 

play it cool dont look desperate you cant force someone to

like you or meet you. just be yourself and dont make as much

contact this will ether signal to her your losing interest

and may have found someone else. If she really likes you

she will pick up the pace or let you move on

 

Totally agree, man. After the first day I met her online, I actually let it die because I was focused on another girl back in NYC I was still talking to at the time. She's the one who came back at me.

 

I plan to leave the ball in her court and let it unfold how it, may if it does. It could be a million different reasons why she fell off. It's funny, because in NYC it was so easy to move from one girl to another because there are so many. Here, in the rural south, quality single women are so few and far between and we find ourselves behaving with a bit too much desperation because of this.