Surprise, you're in a relationship!..a story

[Ninjainpajamas]

Thought I'd give a perspective in a story how things can develop from a man's point of view, and how men sometimes fall into a relationship without even noticing it or realizing it....yet found ourselves suddenly faced with the "paperwork".

................

 

It's a sunny day, a man is sitting on the front lawn. It's a hot day, but the occasional spray from the water sprinkler that sputters around has been keeping him cool, as he lay reclined in his lawn chair basking in the rays of a delightful afternoon, sipping on a beer with a nice thick pair of shades on his face...he's suddenly startled by the sudden screech of a freighter trucks brakes, that so happens to pull right on the front curb.

 

It appears he has a delivery, quite a large delivery, but he doesn't remember ordering anything...he gets up to approach the delivery driver who exits from his slumber and they engage in conversation near the sidewalk.

 

Delivery driver: I have a package for you...

 

Man: I'm sorry, I didn't order anything....you must have the wrong guy

 

Delivery driver: Are you man who's been here for the past 3 months?

 

Man: Ummm...yes, why?

 

Delivery driver: It shows you've been enjoying the rays of the sun, and the lawn, along with the sprinklers and a nice cold beer

 

Man: Yeah is that a crime officer?

 

Delivery driver: No, but you've inadvertently signed up for a "package deal" in the process..

 

Man: What are you talking about?

 

Deliver driver: Is it true that you have been using the facilities inside of the house...such as the shower, washer to clean your clothes, the nice bed, the television, the computer?

 

Man: Of course, that's what you're supposed to do, why would I not?

 

Deliver driver: Well that's all fine and dandy but you've got to sign here on the bottom line and accept this delivery..

 

Man: Wait...what? what the hell are you talking about man...what is it that you're even trying to deliver to me in two trailer loads of cargo that should be going to a supermarket or something like that?

 

Deliver driver: Oh that?...that's love, expectations, dreams, fantasies, babies, marriage, emotions, affection...you know, that kind of thing

 

Man: ::drops beer can on concrete:: Wait a minute, hold it here! you're telling me because I enjoyed all these other "things" that now I'm obligated to accept all of this!!!

 

Deliver driver: Of course, it's a progressing thing really, you unfold it in stages or layers...what did you think all of this was for? for free. You think you were just living the good life, you bastard?

 

Man: woah woah, look here buddy, I'm just renting the place, I'm just having a good time, unwinding and relaxing and now you're dropping all this on my lap out of the blue! everything was going fine until you showed up, like wtf kind of scam is that anyway?! I never said I was going to buy it all and accept this other damn delivery whatever the hell that is and however that came into the picture I don't know, i told the landlord in the beginning it was a month to month, no commitment.

 

Deliver driver: So what you're saying is this is all about you? You think you're some king that was blessed with divine royal treatment and you can just...use all these things as much as you'd like and there would never be any price to pay...you selfish jerk. How could you possibly ask for all of this and enjoy it then not sign for this delivery? are you heartless?

 

Man: Look buddy, when I showed up I never had these grand expectations...I was just looking for a place to lay my head, I never asked for all these extras, they were offered to me and they were given to me freely and openly, what was I supposed to do! Turn them down?!

 

Delivery driver: You see son, those things were given to you out of love, emotions, compassion, care, generosity and the hope that you'd purchase this home and live here..........................for the rest of your pathetic life.

 

Man: ::stunned look:: Look, I'm sorry but there has clearly been a misunderstanding, this is all too much, I never even realized that this would happen, and especially this fast. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment or obligation, I was just going with the flow, I wasn't even thinking of the long-term.

 

Delivery driver: Typical man....so you're a user, and a jerk and liar?...because according to this report you did and said certain things that could be interpreted as otherwise...you manipulated this situation, you took advantage, didn't you?

 

Man: ::gulps:: Well look, I didn't mean to, and that was in the moment, whatever I said, I don't even remember all of it....I was caught up in it, I was just living a good life here, I didn't know that living here and being happy was going to cost me my freedom...my life...my soul.

 

Delivery driver: Well now that you know...I think it's time for you to make a decision, you've been living here for three months now, you either sign on the dotted line or take a walk.

 

Man: has it been that long?...wtf...how the hell did I get myself into this mess? So If I don't sign then I can't stay here anymore at all right?

 

Delivery driver: No

 

Man: Not on the weekends? how about time share?

 

Deliver driver: No!! :: Points at the truck and it's heavy load::

 

Man:::finishes beer:: was good while it lasted...I'm going to miss this old place...might even call the landlord again in the future after I've had some time to miss it.

 

But you know, I never signed up for this in the first place...I feel a bit misled by the whole thing, I mean shouldn't I at some point been officially warned or informed?

 

Deliver driver: You don't have to be....that's just the way it works, it has nothing to do with you or what you want...most of the time.

 

Nothings free buddy, nothings free.

 

Man: You got that right.....lesson learned.

 

THE END!

Edited April 14, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[Treasa]

Sounds like someone should have read his rental agreement a little better.

 

Or perhaps the owner of the unit could just kick him out, although this seems to be an odd scenario as most people don't just move into a place without knowing there's payment involved, and often a security deposit.

 

This guy sounds like an idiot.

 

ETA: Where did the guy get a cold beer from? If it's not winter, most electric companies shut off power if you don't pay your bills for that long of a time. So I assume he had a contract or something similar going with them, too.

 

This situation confuses me, and I'm a homeowner who pays her own bills.

Edited April 14, 2013 by Treasa

[veggirl]

yes the poor clueless man. wah wah.

cue the worlds tiniest violin!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I just love ninja's penetrating insight into the human nature

[todreaminblue]

What an awful, laboured analogy.

 

 

 

i think it was a very well written analogy and am glad ninja shared it ....thanks ninja

[SmileFace]

So this proves that guys are stupid, right?

[Kamille]

So this proves that guys are stupid, right?

 

To be honest, I'm thinking the landlord is the idiot in this scenario.

 

Who wants to dupe someone into falling for them renting their house? Plenty of people will appreciate a good home.

[SmileFace]

To be honest, I'm thinking the landlord is the idiot in this scenario.

 

Who wants to dupe someone into falling for them renting their house? Plenty of people will appreciate a good home.

I was teasing.

[PogoStick]

hmmm this or Lincoln...

[todreaminblue]

To be honest, I'm thinking the landlord is the idiot in this scenario.

 

Who wants to dupe someone into falling for them renting their house? Plenty of people will appreciate a good home.

 

 

 

 

I dont think the landlord is stupid....renting or owning something means you show the same amount of respect as a leaser as you would an owner.....and if you move in then whether you plan to stay or dont plan to stay....you need to respect the landlord enough to be honest from the start.or get the hell out.........deb

[xxoo]

Who moves in without asking the terms?

 

Were you even paying rent? Or just squatting?

 

Did you bring furniture with you? Did you pay utilities? Did you bring a pet???

[todreaminblue]

Who moves in without asking the terms?

 

Were you even paying rent? Or just squatting?

 

Did you bring furniture with you? Did you pay utilities? Did you bring a pet???

 

 

 

thats it most sincere guys would ask before they moved in and have some idea of what their responsibilities were.......then you have the leasees who bodge their application tell the landlord everythign the landlord wants to hear ....so they move in..an play dumb when it comes to resign the lease..... and see if they can renegotiate the terms because they are comfortable....cads...;0)..deb

[WhoreyBull]

Just had to give the guy the bad news while he was enjoying a nice beer, eh?

Sounds like a typical woman to me.

[Treasa]

Actually, it's pretty effective to bring a guy a beer and then tell him bad news.

[Ninjainpajamas]

yes the poor clueless man. wah wah.

cue the worlds tiniest violin!

 

Is it common practice for men to be scrutinized while women to be made out to be the "victims"

 

However when I criticize men, there is a lot of less backlash from men than when women are criticized...something suspicious about that.

 

What if the landlord was sneaking in and changing the terms of the rental agreement halfway through the lease?

 

Landlord reserves the right to change the agreement at any time without notification or regulation of any kind, purely based on their discretion....this is common practice as the landlord hopes that tenant will change his mind once he falls in love with the place.

 

Who moves in without asking the terms?

 

Were you even paying rent? Or just squatting?

 

Did you bring furniture with you? Did you pay utilities? Did you bring a pet???

 

It started out as a occasional visit, then out of convenience the landlord recommended and offered that he stay at the location without any prior terms stated, fearing "scaring off" or coming on too strong to the future possible home-owner would thwart the effort.

 

No exchange of money was discussed, or official payments...he was merely expected to assist with upkeep and/or contribute, loose interpretations of vague and general however mainly unspoken expectations.

 

Light furniture/personal affects were brought, utilities were paid, no pets. home was primarily furnished.

 

All in all a rather painless transition and convenient circumstances conducted by the landlord to make him feel at home and comfortable/relaxed.

[Treasa]

This analogy makes no sense, and I've never seen it happen in the real world. At any rate, either person in a relationship can leave if they aren't happy.

 

I don't think it comes down to a gender issue, as men have done what the "landlord" in this scenario have done. What, I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think it makes sense to generalize. I understand people of both genders pretty damn well, and it's really a good idea to just be happy with yourself, and if things with someone else don't work out, they don't work out.

[WhoreyBull]

Lol, so who is paying the rent then? How did this guy end up in a place he has no intention of renting? Is he dating the landlord?

A better analogy might be agreeing to move in with someone and then they buy a house in the name of both parties that he would be expected to make payments on until it was payed off.

 

In any case, when I was in Korea I was initially staying with my boyfriend rent free and paying utilities but the landlord changed her mind on that and even made me pay back rent. There indeed was a loose verbal agreement about what was going to happen... but the thing about agreements being vague and verbal is that you can't really complain when the expectations are being interpreted and you come out with something different than you expected. I should have made her be more specific. I should have got something in writing.

Metaphors are pretty flimsy as anything beyond a one-line literary device. It seems a bit silly to me to use an ill-fitting parable to talk about something we would be able to express more clearly as adults. Especially if you can tweaking it to a bizaro-land situation where landlords trick tenants into moving in...

[candie13]

hum... I sort of disagree

 

while that poor bloke was sipping his beer, he sure as hell was paying his rent... So he was aware of his "renter" situation. In Europe, there's a law that says that landlords can evict their renters if they want to sell their property.

 

So... in case the landlord felt like selling, it was only fair to ask the renter: "hey man, interested in buying? 'cause I sure feel like selling".

 

Then there's the timing perspective. Three months? I don't even know if I like a dress I bought three months ago, but a house? Like... forever? Ain't that a bit... sudden? I mean, yeah, the renter would have to have a damn good credit score to be considered for the sale, to begin with.

 

and then there's the delivery... who on Earth makes the delivery of a century after three months? No no no, I stand corrected, Sir. Those deliveries should come one at a time, and never after having given full access to the property. For instance:

 

 

 

One day, our man was sitting inside his nice house, on his rocking chair, enjoying the sun that was caressing his face. It was a hot July and our man was especially enjoying his cold beer... but it was hot and dry.

 

While almost falling asleep in his rocking chair, his gaze fell upon the nice lawn outside, with the sprinkles turned on and fresh water being happily sprang on the wide field of grass in front of his house... He'd been looking at that... the perfect place to place his chair, right between the shade of the tree nearby and the swimming pool.

 

His lazy afternoon gets suddenly interrupted by the delivery man:

 

Delivery man: "Sir, have you been living inside this house for the last three month?"

Our man, a bit surprised: "well, I sure have, Sir"

Delivery man, giving him an unfriendly glance:"Hum, I thought this much. You have a delivery in the truck"

Our man responds:" but I've never ordered anything..."

"You did not", said the delivery man "but the landlord thought that on such a hot July afternoon, you might enjoy the garden and the pool"

"The Garden and the Pool?" said our man... his eyes were measuring the yard, his heart was beating fast... boy, was it hot and was he dying for a swim!!!

"so what's with the delivery?" asked our man.

"oh, you'd have to actually help our with that... you got something big... the size of a large piano in the back of my truck. it's called "the big six months expectations, making summer plans together, taking me to see your family for Christmas and being attentional with me, my crazy sister, control-freak of a mother and their batch*t crazy dog". Accept it, sign the papers, get the piano in the living and you have free access on the lawn the right to use the swimming pool in the evenings."

 

"wait a minute, wait a minute, say what?" asked our man, bewildered! "no way!" "I wanna go with my mates this summer, I won't be taking anyone with me for Christmas and refuse to be getting anywhere close to that old farting dog!"

"in that case sir, I am afraid you might need to leave the premises asap", said our delivery man, looking quite satisfied at our man, who was indeed, very surprised.

"can't I have a moment to think about it?", asked out guy, all hopeful.

"apologies, sir, gotta return that big piano back to where it came from, some other people might be interested, actually might ask to have it"

So our man asked: "but if I sign, I got to have my the right to use the garden, bathe in the swimming pool and sit in the sun, at the shade of that tree?"

 

"that is correct Sir", answered the delivery man. "as soon as I'm moving the large piano of the "6months of relationship expectations" right into the living room. and you'll need to help me do that, I'm not a young fella' anymore... so what will it be?" said our delivery man, wrapping up the papers, arranging the pen inside his pocket and looking at our man that got his puzzled look on his face.

 

"hell, no, ain't no one telling me about my summer vacation! I ain't taking anyone with me over Christmas, I ain't meeting no mother, sister or crazy dog. Ain't no piano being put inside my living, I was not warned by the landlord that the term will change after 6 months... I'm paying for the bloody rent, that's just not fair, that's it, I'm outta here", said our man, all red from the anger!

 

And that is why, before making a large delivery of expectations, most women would deliver first the piano of 6 months of relationship, second the crane of one year of relationship, third the airplane of two years of relationship, hinting at the desire of kids and marriage. All to be stored inside the house, and all accompanied by enlarged rights on the property. The guys usually accept them. So that, when they finally get hit with the purchase papers, no one cannot properly say they had not been warned or that did not see that coming !

 

There usually are milestones before jumping to the "sale" and both landlord and renter usually agree on these, beforehand... Hardly anyone tries to close a "sale", by taking the other party by surprise... usually, if people stay, it's because they were enjoying the newly gained rights and seemed genuinely interested in the purchase...

 

as usual, there are no certainties until the contracts are signed .

[xxoo]

It started out as a occasional visit, then out of convenience the landlord recommended and offered that he stay at the location

 

Did that sound reasonable to the guy? What landlord does that, with nothing expected in return? Did he think maybe he was taking advantage of the landlord?

 

Does this guy like hunting? Duck hunting? If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.....it's a duck.

[veggirl]

Is it common practice for men to be scrutinized while women to be made out to be the "victims"

 

However when I criticize men, there is a lot of less backlash from men than when women are criticized...something suspicious about that.

 

 

hmm, I have no problem with equal criticism and have defended men/criticized women plenty on this board.

 

I wouldn't consider a man squatting in a pseudo relationship and then being surprised when the woman wants more to be a "victim" though. Either man up and be up front from the beginning or don't be surprised when someone isn't cool with your idea of playing house.

 

btw what is it the man in this hypothetical wanted? just sex and comfort and relaxation and fun without any of the real life s.hit?

[ascendotum]

Did that sound reasonable to the guy? What landlord does that, with nothing expected in return? Did he think maybe he was taking advantage of the landlord?

 

Does this guy like hunting? Duck hunting? If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.....it's a duck.

 

The place would be empty otherwise. Sometimes its not a bad idea to have someone there to look after the place and make it look like its not empty to deter vandals or thieves. Beer guy would have mowed the lawns, and cleared the letter box while he was there. The landlord it would seem is doing a try before you buy (rent) approach to market their property. A legitimate strategy to secure a long term tenant in a buyer's market.

 

As for taking advantage of the landlord, well the landlord is a stranger. Beer guy should not have to feel obligated to watch out for his landlord's interests & welfare...to begin with anyway.

[Treasa]

Don't buy a place if you can't afford to keep it without renting it out, or if you can't mow your damn lawn yourself. I keep my property going on my own. No way some dumbass is living there without a written agreement and a security deposit, unless he's truly a guest, and then he's only allowed to stay for a couple of days. Maybe a week if he's not annoying.

[candie13]

in his opinion, women lure in men, with the promise of easy sex, relaxed attitude, lots of free love and attention, until the guy... falls for it / gets comfortable / accepts this deal where everything's for free, on his side.

 

his second hypothesis is that men act as it they are totally oblivious as to the "package" - they were never aware of the delivery, as they were given the house for free - or in exchange of the rent / the acknowledgement of a relationship.

 

his third hypothesis is that, after luring men in (which men are totally unaware of the fact that the gifts were not for free), they will all of the sudden, hit the guys with the big bill. Immediately. Not even caring if the guy had enough money to afford the sale. Or if he has the skills, interest and dedication to care for the house, as a potential landlord.

 

poor little unaware bloke, being lured in and lied to, buy that woman who's only after the benefits / closing the deal!

 

nope, totally disagree... women may want to use sex to make a man get more interested, hoping they would be more willing to become exclusive after seeing how good of a catch / lover / gf they'd make... but anything that stage, really, men can't say they didn't see things coming.

 

unless the woman really is a fantastic lay and the guy really did develop a crush for her... men these days know better and unfortunately for us, not that many women are these incredible, amazing lovers that can offer mindblowing sex... except for those on LS, of course, we're all just incredible - if you don't believe it, read the Sexual Thread postings !

[xxoo]

The place would be empty otherwise. Sometimes its not a bad idea to have someone there to look after the place and make it look like its not empty to deter vandals or thieves. Beer guy would have mowed the lawns, and cleared the letter box while he was there. The landlord it would seem is doing a try before you buy (rent) approach to market their property. A legitimate strategy to secure a long term tenant in a buyer's market.

 

I got the "mowed the lawn" analogy.

 

What does "cleared the letter box" mean?

 

I agree with the "try before you buy" strategy (not that I endorse it, but I understand it was being utilized). But how is beer guy then this surprised when there is an expectation to make a decision after the trial period?

 

Another analogy: there is no free lunch.

[WhoreyBull]

btw what is it the man in this hypothetical wanted? just sex and comfort and relaxation and fun without any of the real life s.hit?

 

To not pay rent indefinitely in exchange for utilities and light maintenance.

So, I think that means he'll pay for dinner once and a while too.