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Should women date men that their parents DO like?


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Old 20th October 2012, 8:38 AM   #1
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Should women date men that their parents DO like?

I was wondering, with the thread that talked about "How I attract certain types of men" thread.

Apparently, the poster thought it was a NEGATIVE that her parents liked/approved of the men she dates..however found him "boring and lame".

Isn't it a shame that dating sunk to this new low?

Like with me, I was always the guy the parents liked, adored, etc. But thing is, once the daughter caught wind of this....the relationship would fizzle. For some reason it was a deal breaker for her parents to have liked me.

You realize how screwed up that is?
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Old 20th October 2012, 8:47 AM   #2
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I like when my parents like a boyfriend...
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Old 20th October 2012, 9:18 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irc333 View Post
I was wondering, with the thread that talked about "How I attract certain types of men" thread.

Apparently, the poster thought it was a NEGATIVE that her parents liked/approved of the men she dates..however found him "boring and lame".

Isn't it a shame that dating sunk to this new low?

Like with me, I was always the guy the parents liked, adored, etc. But thing is, once the daughter caught wind of this....the relationship would fizzle. For some reason it was a deal breaker for her parents to have liked me.

You realize how screwed up that is?


I think it is a good thing if your parents like a guy you are dating.....The ultimate decision has to come from the person doing the dating though.....If my parents liked a guy I was dating then it would be new......but then i dated the guys in the first place......and the relationships didnt turn out for one reason or another.....i would definitely now date a guy my mother liked.....not because she did but because of the fact i wont take a guy to meet my mother unless i know he is special to me......anything my mother says would be bonus but never the deciding factor in me dating a guy....my family knows beforehand actually when i like someone.....i tell them why i do ....then they agree with me...smilin.....im past the bad boys way way past......deb
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Old 20th October 2012, 9:28 AM   #4
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The bottom line is, the parents' influence isn't going to hold much weight for most American women, at least.

If she's into you, she'll be glad her parents are into you.

If she isn't into you, her parents liking you won't change her mind.

My parents were probably mildly concerned when they met my first serious boyfriend. But after getting to know him well, and watching us together, they grew to love him. Turns out, the daughter saw something they didn't at first. That can happen in reverse, too--the daughter rejecting a man for something the parents didn't see, and being wise to do so.
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Old 20th October 2012, 9:33 AM   #5
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My Husband says that his mother did not like his first wife.. at all. She took it as a bad sign that she cut her own mother out of a picture she gave to him. That was the first of many signs which he ignored at the time..

Her parents loved him from the start and still do to this day. They knew he was too good for her. She was always pushing him to go against her parents wishes but he refused; wanting to stay out later than agreed, etc etc etc.

Generally I pretend I am not that interested in partners of my children because I know that can set them off to do the opposite. They did really want me to like their choices ... and I have been surprised at just how well they have done so far.

Overall, I am more pleased with how they have dealt with poor choices though.

Take care,
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Old 20th October 2012, 9:40 AM   #6
 
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My parents were right.
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Old 20th October 2012, 11:16 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RachR View Post
I like when my parents like a boyfriend...
Well, I guess there's just hope for this great Nation then. ;-)
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Old 20th October 2012, 12:06 PM   #8
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I have had a horrible time with both my parents and my love life. When I was in high school, my hs sweetheart and I were together for almost 4 years. My mom and dad loved him almost to the point of obsession. When we broke up you would think that I was telling them that I had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had 5 weeks to live. Ever since then, quite honestly, the don't like anyone I have brought before them. THey have measured up my hs sweetheart (even though he is married and has at least 2 children now) and his perfection to all others. Is this right? Of course it isn't.

ANd now that I am pushing 40 and have had such terrible luck with men out there, they are getting even more desperate. I'd be happy to bring someone home that they would even halfway like, but that's not happening anytime soon. Ah well, life goes on.
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Old 20th October 2012, 1:04 PM   #9
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What a ....question! Im really trying to be nice here. You totally twisted what that girl said.

Listen, its very simple. Parents like anything that looks good on paper. They don't have to have sex with the guy, live with him or go on vacations with him. As long as he seems like a good guy with a good job parents are happy. But anyone with an ounce of experience knows those are not enough for a great long term relationship and do not mean you can have chemistry with the person.

/thread.
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Old 20th October 2012, 2:06 PM   #10
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Parents like anything that looks good on paper.
Yes. My experience was that the more I hit it off with the parents, the worse it went with the girl. And the better I thought things were with the girl, the less I hit it off with her parents. I don't think one caused the other -- the great girl and great family just never seemed to go together.

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They don't have to have sex with the guy, live with him or go on vacations with him.
Well, I'm certainly not going to tell the parents that I'm bad in bed and boring to live and travel with, am I????
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Old 20th October 2012, 2:10 PM   #11
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Parents ain't got jack to do with it IMO. I'm not gauging what her parents think usually, although I would like to get on. However, it doesn't factor into attraction.
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Old 20th October 2012, 2:30 PM   #12
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IRC333, you just need a woman who's more mature and knows her parents should not have a huge say so in who she chooses either way.

The women you are dating are hoping to date someone their parents don't like. It's reverse psychology, you know where parents or adults say the opposite of what they want a child to do, then the child does it. Physically they may be grown up, but the part of us that deals with romantic relationships takes longer to grow up and mature. Especially in people who are messed up in some way.

I've been doing lots of reading and people tend to pick the same type over and over again. We had a thread about that recently. On a deep level we pick people who are like a parent or past ex and try to re live the relationship with that new person. But we want to do it right that time.

You really want to have a woman like you.
You want her parents to like you and your parents to like her.
Then you want her to be ok with it.

Right?

Well that won't happen as long as you keep picking women that are all alike in some deep way. Try picking a woman that you like but who isn't who you usually go for. Maybe you'll end up with someone level headed and mature who at least won't hurt your feelings needlessly.


Personally:

My parents have almost never liked anyone I dated. For them it was that they wanted me to choose someone like ourselves. Someone with a similar heritage, from the same region of the US etc. Perhaps it's because they themselves never really felt at ease in a Rlship until they found someone like themselves. (After a total of 41 years, 32 of them married perhaps they have a point.)

Never the less I don't care what they think anymore. I tell them to just be thankful if who I choose has a vagina.
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Old 20th October 2012, 3:38 PM   #13
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My parents have met only my most serious boyfriends (two relationships lasting at least a year). They liked them. I was happy because of course I want the relationship between my SO and my parents to be positive; it just makes things easier. I would ignore my parents' dislike of a guy if they couldn't come up with any particular reason for it, or if the reason was trivial. If it were more serious, then I'd listen and consider it, and be more watchful.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 2:07 PM   #14
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I would also like to point out that my parents HATED him when they first met him. My father especially detested him, I think because I was the oldest child about to go out on my first real date. So naturally he hated him. Over time, Mom had to give him a lecture on what is and isn't acceptable behavior and he let up. So in that case, no you can't win either way if you are me. Hypocricy is alive and well into our old age. Ha ha ha ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mortensorchid View Post
I have had a horrible time with both my parents and my love life. When I was in high school, my hs sweetheart and I were together for almost 4 years. My mom and dad loved him almost to the point of obsession. When we broke up you would think that I was telling them that I had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had 5 weeks to live. Ever since then, quite honestly, the don't like anyone I have brought before them. THey have measured up my hs sweetheart (even though he is married and has at least 2 children now) and his perfection to all others. Is this right? Of course it isn't.

ANd now that I am pushing 40 and have had such terrible luck with men out there, they are getting even more desperate. I'd be happy to bring someone home that they would even halfway like, but that's not happening anytime soon. Ah well, life goes on.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 2:16 PM   #15
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We should, but we won't... not until we're much older and wiser, at least.

My parents disliked every single one of my boyfriends up until I was 29 years old. They kept telling me what kind of man they wanted to see me with, and I think I subconsciously rebelled. With my last boyfriend/fiance, it got to the point where he wasn't even allowed to family functions. My parents couldn't stand him (with good reason, in hindsight), and my sister and brother in law didn't approve, either. Prior to him, my son's dad was quick to lose favor, and all the "bad boys" who came before, as well.

I wasn't looking, but I finally ended up with the kind of man my parents had in mind for me. They were right, and I couldn't be happier.
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