curlygirl40 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Wow, I typed that title 4 times to get it to fit and get my point across! Just curious here. Say you met someone via OLD and went out on one or two dates. You had a lot in common and really liked this person, great sense of humor, you made each other laugh, you got along very well in person and by phone/text. However what was keeping you not sure/maybe unattracted was the fact that they were slightly overweight. Like 20 lbs. If you found out 6 months later that they had dropped that weight by seeing new pics posted on their profile online, would you reconsider dating them? Or do you think the 'damage' had been done by already having it in your mind that you are unattracted to them? Also, say you're the person who needs to lose the weight in this scenario. Would you be offended that the other person wouldn't consider continuing to date you but then was all of a sudden attracted to you once you lost weight or would you just figure this is a fact of life/dating? Would you consider the other person shallow? Thx!! Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 However what was keeping you not sure/maybe unattracted was the fact that they were slightly overweight. Like 20 lbs. If you found out 6 months later that they had dropped that weight by seeing new pics posted on their profile online, would you reconsider dating them? If that was the only reason for not dating someone, and that reason had gone away, and no new reason presents itself, then it would seem to make sense to reconsider. But we know dating doesn't always (have to) make sense. So, although I'd like to say "yes" I think it would be on a case-by-case basis. Link to post Share on other sites
tori0001 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 If someone wouldn't date me because of weight, and I lost weight then all of sudden they where interested, hell no I wouldn't give them the time of day. That is so shallow, it's sickening. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I would tell them hell no and I have never been obese. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 If someone lost a lot of weight I wouldn't date them because I don't want to be with them when they get fat again. Which they probably will. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Halloween Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 .....and then what happens when they gain that 20 lbs back??? Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Looking at this from my perspective, if I knew a woman that I thought was pretty cool but I was not all that turned on by her because she was overweight, and I subsequently saw her and she had dropped the weight, then for me the 'damage' as you say would be undone. If I found someone attractive there an then, then it would not matter if they did not appeal all that much to me 6 mths or 3 yrs ago. However, very much in my mind would be, would this person easily drop off on the new diet & exercise, and revert back to what they looked like before. Would you be offended that the other person wouldn't consider continuing to date you but then was all of a sudden attracted to you once you lost weight I would understand it, but I would be a bit offended somewhat. It depends if I had had the hots for the woman before. If I did I would take the opportunity to get with her. If I kind of fancied the woman, but was not all that crazy for her, then I would put myself out there more with my new physique/confidence and see what other options were out there for a little while, and keep her as a backup option. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 If someone wouldn't date me because of weight, and I lost weight then all of sudden they where interested, hell no I wouldn't give them the time of day. That is so shallow, it's sickening. So what do you call it when someone is written off because of their height which they have zero control over, unlike weight? You don't think someone's physique has any bearing on their sex appeal? Link to post Share on other sites
tori0001 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Never dated someone on their physical appearance, dated on their personality. Physical appearance has no baring on my dating a person at all. They can be fat, skinny, average, tall, short, it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 That's what I call Jesus standard. I can kind of guess how you look like Never dated someone on their physical appearance, dated on their personality. Physical appearance has no baring on my dating a person at all. They can be fat, skinny, average, tall, short, it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I hear fat girls lose weight and they realize how people treat them differently after. (more friends, better service at restaurant, easier to find jobs etc) They are enjoying new attentions but at the same time they are disgusted by people's new behavior. My question is, wouldn't you rather change yourself than trying to change the society? Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 If someone wouldn't date me because of weight, and I lost weight then all of sudden they where interested, hell no I wouldn't give them the time of day. That is so shallow, it's sickening. Attraction is a key part of being attracted to someone. Also it could be a life style thing...I like to go to the gym and run and just have an active lifestyle, and this person wasn't in shape and didn't do any of that, but then changed to have a similar lifestyle, I see no issue in that. I've known women who do similar thing with guys if they were kind of slob like and cleaned up their look in terms of how they dressed and such. Physical attraction is important, just like emotional and mental. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 If someone wouldn't date me because of weight, and I lost weight then all of sudden they where interested, hell no I wouldn't give them the time of day. That is so shallow, it's sickening. No i wouldn't date someone who wasnt attracted to me bigger because chances are i would put weight on again ......i would know it in the back of my mind that the only reason they decided to give me a shot was purely physical....instead i would find someone else who I can form a relationship with where i didnt have that in the back of my mind.... whether or not they admitted to it being physical or not with a new guy..normally its pretty easy to find out whether they are that way inclined a few questions and you have your answer...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 If the other person couldn't look past a 20 lb differential then they just don't belong together. I would consider it shallow and a bit insulting to show interest in someone you would not date when they were heavier, It shows the kind of perspective you really have of that person. The second thing is lifestyle, IF someone is critical over 20lbs, then one person may lead a different lifestyle and be more active. I've heard lot of overweight people feel that IF they get with someone more active then it's easier for them to lose weight...I think that might work for a while but I've seen little or none relationships work out that way from my experience. I think weight loss is a personal issue, tied up into emotions and many other things, so I'd say incompatibility in that regard at least. The likely hood on regaining that weight is also high, especially IF it's been a life long struggle...I think it's better to find someone who accepts you and your weight, and lifestyle. Personally I don't think it's a good idea for either person and will end up becoming a problem, but it's up to both people to decide that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'm that guy OP. An I say sure. However I NEVER reset the clock. So it really depends on how much time & energy I gave you before you blew me off. 9 times out of 10 we made it to the 3rd date so if they wanted to see me again it was 4th date. And we all know what that means. Turns out, they really wern't all that into me. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
tori0001 Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 For me physical attraction is not important, it has to be a persons personality. That's what attracts me. I've dated a guy over 300 pounds and as thin as 180 pounds. I've dated tall men and short men. Again I have to like the person, not what they look like. Some one said they wondered what I look like, well I'm average. Long hair, average height, weight, normal looking. Link to post Share on other sites
tori0001 Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 It's the truth. To me dating someone on physical appearance is shallow. Beauty fades, but personality is what lasts. You can learn to like someones physical appearance, but you can't get past an ugly personality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 then just do it. instead of keep talking about I am this and this here. Btw, do you know even 'whores' have standards? It's the truth. To me dating someone on physical appearance is shallow. Beauty fades, but personality is what lasts. You can learn to like someones physical appearance, but you can't get past an ugly personality. Link to post Share on other sites
tori0001 Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 You date the way you want, and i'll keep dating the way i want. for me it works. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 It's the truth. To me dating someone on physical appearance is shallow. Beauty fades, but personality is what lasts. You can learn to like someones physical appearance, but you can't get past an ugly personality. As H50 said its about finding a happy medium. With more people than ever having STRs & flings these days there is less need to worry about character & values from a long term perspective. I find people tend to have the 'Beauty fades, but personality is what lasts' philosophy, more when they are in their 30s and their looks have faded (thats human nature). If you really think like this and you have been happy with how your relationships have turned out, then good on you. (btw, 180lbs is really not that skinny/small for a guy. Date a jockey.) dating someone on physical appearance is shallow ..only if its exclusively on looks. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 20lbs doesn't seem that much but I understand the concept. If a girl I knew used to be fat and I run into her again and now she's unfat, I would definitely consider dating her. I wouldn't hold her past against her. BTW, the general idea can apply to both men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
Sith Apprentice Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Depends on how much weight were talking about here. There's nothing shallow about not being attracted to a person who's clinically obese, but if you rejected someone because they were overweight by 5-20 pounds then I'd consider you shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'd revisit the idea of dating them. I'd be cautious though, I wouldn't want to date someone who might slip easily back into the fat version of themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
VodkaShots Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 If someone lost a lot of weight I wouldn't date them because I don't want to be with them when they get fat again. Which they probably will. That depends how/why they lost weight in the first place. I can see why you're put off yoyo dieters or those who only lose weight for short-term goals such as a wedding coming up or a holiday (they always regain weight), but I don't think it's fair to tar those who have lost weight to genuinely change their lives with the same brush. Someone who's worked hard to lose weight gradually through hard exercise and healthy eating over the course of several months or even years is hardly likely to start gorging on junk food and sit on the couch all day as soon as they get a new partner. That being said if I used to be really fat and lost a load of weight, it would never be something I would shout from the roof tops, it's not really something a prospective partner needs to know anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 There is no way I could be attracted to someone -20lbs and not attracted +20lbs. I know anal people like that though and I stay far away from them Link to post Share on other sites
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