Living at home if......

[irc333]

....There is this woman that I know that lives in a rather sizable home with her parents. And she says she lives in the first floor "Apartment" of the home.

 

Early 40's and recently divorced.

 

She said the advantage of that, is that since she homeschools her kid, and it's like having baby sitters living with you 24/7.

 

She speaks as if she's there for the LONG haul, not trying to get back on her feet, save up, and find a new place to live.

 

I know there might've been posts about living with your parents.

 

I didn't want to burst her bubble, but I said, "Hm, if a man was in the same situation, would you date him?"

 

She kind of hesitated and said, Um, sure...yeah", but I'm not sure if she was entirely sincere on that.

 

But does pose a question

 

Women living with parents, not a deal break to men?

 

Men living with their parents, total deal breaker to women?

 

What I can't figure out is, if you had money to "buy a home with your parents", wouldn't you have enough money to live on your own?

[LittlePrince]

....There is this woman that I know that lives in a rather sizable home with her parents. And she says she lives in the first floor "Apartment" of the home.

 

Early 40's and recently divorced.

 

She said the advantage of that, is that since she homeschools her kid, and it's like having baby sitters living with you 24/7.

 

She speaks as if she's there for the LONG haul, not trying to get back on her feet, save up, and find a new place to live.

 

I know there might've been posts about living with your parents.

 

I didn't want to burst her bubble, but I said, "Hm, if a man was in the same situation, would you date him?"

 

She kind of hesitated and said, Um, sure...yeah", but I'm not sure if she was entirely sincere on that.

 

But does pose a question

 

Women living with parents, not a deal break to men?

 

Men living with their parents, total deal breaker to women?

 

What I can't figure out is, if you had money to "buy a home with your parents", wouldn't you have enough money to live on your own?

Just like as a kid I would get presents where multiple relatives chipped in but you knew only one paid for it or one paid much more than the others.

[Ross MwcFan]

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

 

As long as she's a nice person, we get on well, and I'm attracted to her, then that's all that matters.

[xxoo]

"Hm, if a man was in the same situation, would you date him?"

 

Same situation = kids at home all day while he works?

 

Multi-generational living, to help working parents raise children, happens with married couples as well as singles. It isn't exactly the same as "still living at home".

[Emilia]

Women living with parents, not a deal break to men?

 

Men living with their parents, total deal breaker to women?

 

What I can't figure out is, if you had money to "buy a home with your parents", wouldn't you have enough money to live on your own?

 

Total dealbreaker to me. Why isn't he able to cut the apron strings, why isn't he fully independent and of his own person? I don't wish to date someone who doesn't have the desire to spread their wings and explore the world and themselves fully. I don't really understand how an adult can claim to be fully mature if they still live at home.

[LittlePrince]

Multi-generational living, to help working parents raise children, happens with married couples as well as singles. It isn't exactly the same as "still living at home".

It is unless the working parents are supporting their elders which in a Western context rarely happens. In Eastern societies multi-generational living is more common but the grandparents aren't footing most of the bill.

[LittlePrince]

Total dealbreaker to me. Why isn't he able to cut the apron strings, why isn't he fully independent and of his own person? I don't wish to date someone who doesn't have the desire to spread their wings and explore the world and themselves fully. I don't really understand how an adult can claim to be fully mature if they still live at home.

I can't understand how an adult can claim to be fully mature until after at least 20 years of a happy, healthy marriage with at least two children, home ownership, and being solvent, but I am old fashioned that way.

[irc333]

Okay, let's give this person the BENEFIT of the doubt, because I know of OTHER women like this.

 

1. Was a stay at home mom/housewife when she was married

2. #1 was ALL she was doing, the only profession she was ....a Stay at home mom.

 

3. SAHM get's divorced

4. She has no place to go, because hubby was paying the mortgage on the home they were living in.

5. SAHM has no choice but to move back in with the parents, and take her kids with the parents.

6. During this time, she needs to go back to school and get a real job.

 

7. For a 40-something woman, starting over in this fashion can be challenging.

 

I mean, if all you knew in your entire life was just being a good mom and wife...what else is there? It's really just starting over.

[LittlePrince]

Okay, let's give this person the BENEFIT of the doubt, because I know of OTHER women like this.

 

1. Was a stay at home mom/housewife when she was married

2. #1 was ALL she was doing, the only profession she was ....a Stay at home mom.

 

3. SAHM get's divorced

4. She has no place to go, because hubby was paying the mortgage on the home they were living in.

5. SAHM has no choice but to move back in with the parents, and take her kids with the parents.

6. During this time, she needs to go back to school and get a real job.

 

7. For a 40-something woman, starting over in this fashion can be challenging.

 

I mean, if all you knew in your entire life was just being a good mom and wife...what else is there? It's really just starting over.

Which is a good reason for why the courts shouldn't have given her the children.

[monkey00]

I don't know the exact details. But if I had the money, I would buy my parent's a house somewhere or buy a building and have them live on one of the other floors...in that context I don't think there is anything wrong.

 

For her sake, being a single working mom can be tough. It is pretty convenient to have a free baby sitter when you need it though.

[grkBoy]

I won't fault a woman who is taking time to regroup and has a plan to get back on with her life, but I'd see your girl as a big red flag.

 

She's got a kid, lives with her parents at 40, has no goals or plans to move out or on her own, and is recently divorced.

 

How I see it:

 

1. You have to compete with the kid for her attention
   
2. She might have a spoiled princess view on life since mommy and daddy take care of her
   
3. No goals/plans says "I want to find another man to take care of me"
   
4. She might have baggage from the recent divorce
   

 

 

The only way men get some level of "equality" in dating is when we hold women to the same standards they hold us to...because I'm sure any man in her situation (with a kid) would send most females running for the hills.

[tigressA]

Not having any goals/plans to move out would be the red flag for me.

 

Before living alone myself, I didn't care much if a man still lived at home, but now I find it more of a turn-off. There better be a good reason why he is still in that situation, and there better be a plan to get out of it. Acceptable reasons for me are:

 

Taking care of ill parents

Suffering a temporary setback (loss of a job, serious illness, etc)

Going to school and not having time to work a job that would pay enough for rent

[irc333]

THere's some traditionalist that live with their parents UNTIL they get married. Then that's the only time they move out.

[tigressA]

THere's some traditionalist that live with their parents UNTIL they get married. Then that's the only time they move out.

 

In my view, many people who do that are just going from one caretaker to another. If it's a woman, she'll likely be a SAHM and be taken care of financially by her husband. If it's a man, he'll expect his wife to be like his mother, doing all the housework and cooking, whether or not she has a job outside the home.

[Imajerk17]

For some reason I can imagine irc in a "conversation" with this girl, where he pries this woman on her living arrangements and then tries to have a "debate" with her about whether she is datable or not. And then after that, he wonders why she doesn't want to talk to him anymore...

Edited September 20, 2012 by Imajerk17

[oaks]

I'm going to take the low-brow approach of thinking with my other head (although I also agree with other posters who have talked about her ambition/goals etc) ...

 

At some point, if dating was successful I would be hoping there might be sex and a relationship (not necessarily in that order). I'm not sure that I'd be looking to "meet the parents" quite so soon. So there's a logistical issue of where to meet to do the things consenting adults tend to do in private.

 

Oh well, at least she's got childcare sorted out for all those evenings she'll be spending at my place. Does she at least have a car, or do I have to pick her up?

 

In reality, if presented with all the facts up front, I'd probably pass. Sounds too complicated, and I have less complicated dating opportunities available to me (at the moment). Unless she's really hot. Really really hot. Is she?

 

 

(which is the smiley for 'oaks is being a bit flippant here'? Pretend that I inserted it here.)

[LittlePrince]

In my view, many people who do that are just going from one caretaker to another. If it's a woman, she'll likely be a SAHM and be taken care of financially by her husband. If it's a man, he'll expect his wife to be like his mother, doing all the housework and cooking, whether or not she has a job outside the home.

If they are just using it as a place to live then that wouldn't be true.

[irc333]

I mean, would you be comfortable having intimate relations with your girlfriend in the 2nd floor apartment, but the parents are on the first floor?

 

 

I'm going to take the low-brow approach of thinking with my other head (although I also agree with other posters who have talked about her ambition/goals etc) ...

 

At some point, if dating was successful I would be hoping there might be sex and a relationship (not necessarily in that order). I'm not sure that I'd be looking to "meet the parents" quite so soon. So there's a logistical issue of where to meet to do the things consenting adults tend to do in private.

 

Oh well, at least she's got childcare sorted out for all those evenings she'll be spending at my place. Does she at least have a car, or do I have to pick her up?

 

In reality, if presented with all the facts up front, I'd probably pass. Sounds too complicated, and I have less complicated dating opportunities available to me (at the moment). Unless she's really hot. Really really hot. Is she?

 

 

(which is the smiley for 'oaks is being a bit flippant here'? Pretend that I inserted it here.)

[2sure]

To some people it is very important, a priority, that they home school their kids. I dont agree, but its certainly their option.

 

If that is the case, apparently she has found a very good way to accomodate this.

[oaks]

I mean, would you be comfortable having intimate relations with your girlfriend in the 2nd floor apartment, but the parents are on the first floor?

 

That's a pretty good summary of my post. No, I wouldn't.

[C-V-L]

I can't understand how an adult can claim to be fully mature until after at least 20 years of a happy, healthy marriage with at least two children, home ownership, and being solvent, but I am old fashioned that way.

 

LOL.. what about those of us who don't want to be married and don't want to have kids? I'm 31 and never want kids. But I have my own 3100 sqft house and 2 cars, happily with no wife! I guess I don't count huh?

[joystickd]

Total dealbreaker to me. Why isn't he able to cut the apron strings, why isn't he fully independent and of his own person? I don't wish to date someone who doesn't have the desire to spread their wings and explore the world and themselves fully. I don't really understand how an adult can claim to be fully mature if they still live at home.

I still stay at home. I'm 30. I plan on going back to school. I help with my sick dad and grandfather. Also I help pay for my two sisters who are going to school. That is the only reason I am still at home is to help them. I think that would make me mature.

[xxoo]

I mean, would you be comfortable having intimate relations with your girlfriend in the 2nd floor apartment, but the parents are on the first floor?

 

She's got kids at home, anyway. That's the bigger obstacle to sex at her place, I'd think.

 

Coudn't you host? Or do you live with your parents, too?

[grkBoy]

Not having any goals/plans to move out would be the red flag for me.

 

Before living alone myself, I didn't care much if a man still lived at home, but now I find it more of a turn-off. There better be a good reason why he is still in that situation, and there better be a plan to get out of it. Acceptable reasons for me are:

 

Taking care of ill parents

Suffering a temporary setback (loss of a job, serious illness, etc)

Going to school and not having time to work a job that would pay enough for rent

 

Wish I had met more women like you back when I was "Boomeranging".

 

I had lost my job, went broke, and moved back home to go to grad school as well as save up a down payment. Women ran from me like I was a total loser.

 

Even had one (who lived in her mom's home) tell me women have their pick of plenty of men who own luxury condos and drive nice cars, and that it's not the same when an adult woman lives at home compared to an adult man living at home.

 

Nice to know not all women are as harsh and judgmental.

[xxoo]

Okay, let's give this person the BENEFIT of the doubt, because I know of OTHER women like this.

 

1. Was a stay at home mom/housewife when she was married

2. #1 was ALL she was doing, the only profession she was ....a Stay at home mom.

 

3. SAHM get's divorced

4. She has no place to go, because hubby was paying the mortgage on the home they were living in.

5. SAHM has no choice but to move back in with the parents, and take her kids with the parents.

6. During this time, she needs to go back to school and get a real job.

 

7. For a 40-something woman, starting over in this fashion can be challenging.

 

I mean, if all you knew in your entire life was just being a good mom and wife...what else is there? It's really just starting over.

 

And, what? You are judging her for dedicating herself to her ex-husband and kids?