Fewer opportunities...?

[Inflikted]

I find myself in a position once again where I'm feeling lost and confused when it comes to "finding love". In a few months, I'll be 24, and not only have I never actually dated, but I've only ever met maybe two girls I actually wanted to date.

 

The first one was when I was younger, and to be honest, I was really stupid and naive about it, and nothing ever came of that, except me making a complete fool of myself. The second is more recent, in fact, some of you may have seen my recent posts; I've developed feelings for a girl I've known for a little while now, and I really thought I felt a vibe from her that she was interested, but when I worked up the courage to ask her out, she couldn't give me a definite answer (and as has been pointed out to me by a number of various people, if its not a definite yes, then its a no).

 

After that first girl, I really reevaluated my perception of relationships, and that combined with a lot of other bad stuff I was seeing happen within my family, I decided "love", dating, etc. wasn't for me. Then that second girl came a long, and I opened up that part of me and took a shot (which I do not regret one bit, I might add), and I've gotten my first proper rejection. Bums me out a bit, even though I understand her reasoning.

 

The thing about me is, I'm not "normal" in that I have zero interest in approaching and dating a stranger. I prefer to get to know a girl for a while before I attempt to date her. But having only been attracted to two girls (and only the second one in a realistic way) in my life, I sort of feel like I have fewer opportunities to find someone. Rejection stings a bit more because who knows when, if ever, I might develop an attraction to somebody else? It takes me so long to find someone, and being that rejection is more likely than acceptance, that it would seem I have a long, frustrating road ahead of me.

 

So, I'm... not really sure what my original point of making this post was. I guess I just wonder if its worth it for someone like me to bother holding out hope that there's someone out there that I'll be attracted to, that will also be attracted to me. Perhaps I'm not quite "old" yet, but the years are starting to slip by me, and its just a little depressing to me.

[turt]

The girls you asked were probably attracted to you which is why you got a special feeling around them. I used to think I'd meet someone similar to your thoughts but that seems unrealistic to me now.

 

Unless you get lucky, I don't think you'll just run into someone like that.

[the ill-made knight]

Have you ever considered maybe the issue is you simply just aren't attracted to complete strangers? I have a good guy friend similar to you. I've never known him t be attracted to random women, at least, not in the sense of wanting to date them. He's much more of the meet a woman, become friends with her/get to know her, and then develop that attraction on the level where he would want to date her type of guy. If that's your issue I would just suggest befriending women and simply seeing whether things develop or not. It's not such an alien idea.

[Inflikted]

The girls you asked were probably attracted to you which is why you got a special feeling around them.

 

If that were the case, wouldn't she want to date me? Rather than telling me she'd think about it?

 

Have you ever considered maybe the issue is you simply just aren't attracted to complete strangers? I have a good guy friend similar to you. I've never known him t be attracted to random women, at least, not in the sense of wanting to date them. He's much more of the meet a woman, become friends with her/get to know her, and then develop that attraction on the level where he would want to date her type of guy. If that's your issue I would just suggest befriending women and simply seeing whether things develop or not. It's not such an alien idea.

 

Well, yeah, that's how I want to go about things. But there's two major issues with that. 1) It seems like the average person doesn't operate this way, leading to "friend zone"-like situations. 2) It could take a very long time to find someone. I mean, heck, took me about four years to find this recent girl; what if I can't find another girl for another 4+ years? And what if she doesn't want to go out with me, either? I just worry that the years are going to keep passing me by, and I'll be 30 and never dated, 35 and never dated, 40 and never dated, etc.

[Pasttense]

You need to to socialize a lot more: organizations you are interested in, adult education classes, church groups, friends of friends, co-workers, whatever. The more women you get to know; the more likely you will find someone you are interested in dating. As to not being successful with two women; virtually all the other guys on this site have failed with a lot more than two.

[jobaba]

 

The thing about me is, I'm not "normal" in that I have zero interest in approaching and dating a stranger. I prefer to get to know a girl for a while before I attempt to date her. But having only been attracted to two girls (and only the second one in a realistic way) in my life, I sort of feel like I have fewer opportunities to find someone. Rejection stings a bit more because who knows when, if ever, I might develop an attraction to somebody else? It takes me so long to find someone, and being that rejection is more likely than acceptance, that it would seem I have a long, frustrating road ahead of me.

 

So, I'm... not really sure what my original point of making this post was. I guess I just wonder if its worth it for someone like me to bother holding out hope that there's someone out there that I'll be attracted to, that will also be attracted to me. Perhaps I'm not quite "old" yet, but the years are starting to slip by me, and its just a little depressing to me.

 

Yea. That's not really the optimal way to go about doing things. For most guys really. But especially for less experienced guys like yourself.

 

You have to play more numbers because women who you get to know and who like you as a person will often not be physically attracted to you.

 

Also, you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain with no reward in that scenario. Better to keep it light and express interest early.

[Inflikted]

Well, that's pretty disappointing, then. Approaching/ dating strangers just isn't something I can ever see myself doing. Not only do I prefer getting to know someone a bit beforehand, but I feel like people need to know me better beforehand, as well; I don't often make good first impressions, and I don't have the charisma or good looks to do well with approaching girls I don't know. Typically, it takes a few interactions with me before I start opening up, and then people will start warming up to me and deciding whether they want to be around me.

 

So, I guess that just confirms what I'd feared, then, that I'm pretty much "doomed", unless I get really really lucky.