Assuming too much part II

[irc333]

Okay, I think there was a post back about how someone assumes the worst if they've never been married.

 

Well, I can see why someone might question it, and perhaps that person may have a mental illness, or perhaps they're just not marriage material and just relationship hop. They like to play and so on.

 

5 years here, 2 years there, 6 months here, 1 year with another and so on....without actually ever tying the knot.

 

THEN it occurred to me, extreme shallowness.

 

And this is probably the MOST common reason people over 40 have never been married. They're just unrealistic in what they're looking for in a mate.

 

They're also very shallow, their own family and friends shake their heads when they see them as the only single woman sitting at the table at the wedding.

 

They don't shake their heads because she is single (or he), they're shaking their heads, for the REASON they are single. This person simply cannot be satisfied.

 

Heck, they try to introduce (not set up) people they know with them, simply by putting them together in the same room....but she always finds some kind of shallow fault with the guy.

 

She wants a relationship or even marriage perhaps, but due to certain unrealistic expectations on her criteria that will never BE met.

 

Pretty obvious reason, right?

[LittlePrince]

Okay, I think there was a post back about how someone assumes the worst if they've never been married.

 

Well, I can see why someone might question it, and perhaps that person may have a mental illness, or perhaps they're just not marriage material and just relationship hop. They like to play and so on.

 

5 years here, 2 years there, 6 months here, 1 year with another and so on....without actually ever tying the knot.

 

THEN it occurred to me, extreme shallowness.

 

And this is probably the MOST common reason people over 40 have never been married. They're just unrealistic in what they're looking for in a mate.

 

They're also very shallow, their own family and friends shake their heads when they see them as the only single woman sitting at the table at the wedding.

 

They don't shake their heads because she is single (or he), they're shaking their heads, for the REASON they are single. This person simply cannot be satisfied.

 

Heck, they try to introduce (not set up) people they know with them, simply by putting them together in the same room....but she always finds some kind of shallow fault with the guy.

 

She wants a relationship or even marriage perhaps, but due to certain unrealistic expectations on her criteria that will never BE met.

 

Pretty obvious reason, right?

Incapable of being satisfied is usually the reason a woman gets to be 40+ and not married but for a man that's rarely the reason.

[irc333]

Incapable of being satisfied is usually the reason a woman gets to be 40+ and not married but for a man that's rarely the reason.

 

Right, the reason for a man, is because he keeps meeting women like the one just described. LOL!

[LittlePrince]

The two typical reasons I find for a man never marrying is he's a philanderer who can't give up his fix for something more stable or he has great difficulty interesting the opposite sex since he is not what women want.

[irc333]

The two typical reasons I find for a man never marrying is he's a philanderer who can't give up his fix for something more stable or he has great difficulty interesting the opposite sex since he is not what women want.

 

Have to agree with you on the first one....the 2nd one, is rather general and left up to interpretation.

[xxoo]

Didn't you just start a thread about why women should NOT make assumptions about men who have never been married?

 

And now you make a thread featuring assumptions about why women have never been married

 

Some women don't want to marry. They are like the "playboys", too busy having fun.

 

Some women want to marry, but nobody has offered. Some women move in with boyfriends, hoping for a proposal, and break up with them years later realizing he will never marry her.

[irc333]

Didn't you just start a thread about why women should NOT make assumptions about men who have never been married?

 

And now you make a thread featuring assumptions about why women have never been married

 

Yes, thus I made this one a sequel to that one, thus the part II.

 

But, I'm trying to tie them both togather, compare and contrast the 2 genders and why they're still single.

 

According to one of the posters here, women have an excuse to be single by being overly picky, while men don't have such a reason

 

So that's some new material I discovered.

 

But that being said, I'm discovering that women over 40 are single only because they're turning down men who have been single and over 40.

 

Just something I'm considering. It' smorning, finding it hard to put it all together.

 

Some women want to marry, but nobody has offered. Some women move in with boyfriends, hoping for a proposal, and break up with them years later realizing he will never marry her.

 

OH yeah! Forgot that one....that's a rather common situation, too. People who want to get married, but wind up dating someone that doesn't want to, so they're just an indefiniate boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Though, I'm preferring to talk about people who are completely unattached though, but good call, that does make sense.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

This thread is BullSh*t. I would have loved to be married by now...at least ideally. But I am not. Don't you dare tell me it's because my expectatione are so enormous is the only reason a woman is single. I have dated men of all heights, weights, looks and financial backgrounds. Please stop supporting stereotypes for women and relationships when you do not want the same stereotypes made about men and relationships.

[iris219]

Yes, thus I made this one a sequel to that one, thus the part II.

 

But, I'm trying to tie them both togather, compare and contrast the 2 genders and why they're still single.

 

According to one of the posters here, women have an excuse to be single by being overly picky, while men don't have such a reason

 

So that's some new material I discovered.

 

But that being said, I'm discovering that women over 40 are single only because they're turning down men who have been single and over 40.

 

Just something I'm considering. It' smorning, finding it hard to put it all together.

 

Not sure about the over 40 crowd, but I’d say most unmarried women over 30 want to marry, but who are they going to marry? No one is beating down my door, that’s for sure. Most people are already married or in relationships by their 30s. IME, a woman not being married after 30 has very little to do with being shallow or picky. The unmarried women I know just want to find a man who WANTS to commit (very difficult), has some sort of income, and who can hold a conversation.

 

Maybe by 40, women become pickier. In our 30s, we desperately want to get married and have children; I’d take anyone with a pulse (kidding …sort of). A woman in her 40s can afford to be more picky because she isn’t desperately trying to have a family before time runs out. Maybe she got sick of being so accepting of men’s flaws in her 30s (and not having it pay off) that she decided she wasn’t doing it anymore. If I don’t get married by 40, I can see myself heading in that direction and holding out for everything I want since I don’t have that luxury now.

[LittlePrince]

Some women don't want to marry. They are like the "playboys", too busy having fun.

Oh that's why they use therapists, Sex and the City, and haagen dazs to find solace.

 

Some women want to marry, but nobody has offered.

That's because they won't settle on one who will.

 

Some women move in with boyfriends, hoping for a proposal, and break up with them years later realizing he will never marry her.

These women go for men who will never commit and will obviously only use them rather than settle for a man who will want a married life.

[irc333]

This thread is BullSh*t. I would have loved to be married by now...at least ideally. But I am not. Don't you dare tell me it's because my expectatione are so enormous is the only reason a woman is single. I have dated men of all heights, weights, looks and financial backgrounds. Please stop supporting stereotypes for women and relationships when you do not want the same stereotypes made about men and relationships.

 

Hell there are MATCHMAKERS who get paid money by some of these people to match them up with others that had to sever ties with women who wouldn't "settle" on an exception.

 

There was this professional matchmaker, had a client, he had a dickens of a time finding a match for her, only because his clients criteria were "way out there" but he found a guy that was close to the mark, had pretty much everything, except he was somewhat shorter than what she was looking for, and a bit more average looking.

 

He threw that option her way, and she still was not good on it....and he was like "Listen, we've been through the gambit of candidates, it's time you be a bit more flexible"

 

She barged out of his office. lol

 

And the kicker these people start cryin' how they can't find anyone. It's their unrealistic expectations that are keeping them single.

 

Of course, they might tell that to a person that asks them "Why arey ou still single??"

 

"I just hadn't met the right guy" yet."

[xxoo]

But that being said, I'm discovering that women over 40 are single only because they're turning down men who have been single and over 40.

 

Marriage may be a lot more attractive to a woman under 40 than to a woman over 40. Women over 40 may simply be less interested in marriage, just when, ironically, men may become more interested in marriage.

[irc333]

The unmarried women I know just want to find a man who WANTS to commit (very difficult), has some sort of income, and who can hold a conversation.

 

Where the hell are THESE women, I can't seem to be finding them. I think it's the FINDING part that's KEY here. I'm always willing to commit, so it's just finding the women YOU mentioned.

[Joaquin]

I think it's a fairly pointless exercise trying to generalise why someone hasn't been married by 40.

 

I always find it funny how in groups, especially girls, when one friend gets married they all follow shortly thereafter. Are you telling me they were all ready at the same time and had met the right person simply because one of their friends did? Hell, and in the 1960's you were considered gay if you weren't spoken for by the age of 25.

 

I'm a believer in marriage and what is represents, but I'm a greater believer in doing things for the right reason and with peace of mind and a clear conscience. For some it will be at 25, for others it will be 45. And some people will not get married, but that to will be for their own right reasons.

[iris219]

Where the hell are THESE women, I can't seem to be finding them. I think it's the FINDING part that's KEY here. I'm always willing to commit, so it's just finding the women YOU mentioned.

 

There simply aren't many single people left after a certain age, so that's why we're having a hard time finding them. The relationship minded people have already found each other, especially in smaller towns.

[LittlePrince]

There simply aren't many single people left after a certain age, so that's why we're having a hard time finding them. The relationship minded people have already found each other, especially in smaller towns.

Oh yeah the old female myth that all of the good ones are taken.

[irc333]

There simply aren't many single people left after a certain age, so that's why we're having a hard time finding them. The relationship minded people have already found each other, especially in smaller towns.

 

Yeah, they probably have found each other, I live in a small town, and if you do a dating site search within like 20 miles of my area....mostly overweight women in hair curlers that smoke a carton of cigs a day. Carryin' one baby on a hip, and another runnin' around in dirty diapers. lol

 

But my area is in a slight upswing.

 

Sounds like geography then, I live by a large city, but ...(this could be a new thread, too)

 

Are some cities prone to have superficial people in them? I think my LARGE city, seems to have a "Hollywood" mentality to it, or most of the cities here.

[LittlePrince]

Yeah, they probably have found each other, I live in a small town, and if you do a dating site search within like 20 miles of my area....mostly overweight women in hair curlers that smoke a carton of cigs a day. Carryin' one baby on a hip, and another runnin' around in dirty diapers. lol

 

But my area is in a slight upswing.

 

Sounds like geography then, I live by a large city, but ...(this could be a new thread, too)

 

Are some cities prone to have superficial people in them? I think my LARGE city, seems to have a "Hollywood" mentality to it, or most of the cities here.

Can't find a good city gal to shoot squirrel from the porch? I understand. ;(

[iris219]

Oh yeah the old female myth that all of the good ones are taken.

 

Actually, I'd say they're ALL taken, good and bad.

 

I've met TWO single men this year.

[LittlePrince]

Actually, I'd say they're ALL taken, good and bad.

 

I've met TWO single men this year.

You aren't trying hard enough.

[d'Arthez]

Actually, I'd say they're ALL taken, good and bad.

 

I've met TWO single men this year.

Where do you live? Some religious community in which everyone is married and / or engaged?

 

In rural areas I can imagine things being bad if you have some brains and a career. If I had to date in the town I grew up, I'd rather stay single than even getting involved with anyone from there. Ignorant people abound there.

[LittlePrince]

Where do you live? Some religious community in which everyone is married and / or engaged?

 

In rural areas I can imagine things being bad if you have some brains and a career. If I had to date in the town I grew up, I'd rather stay single than even getting involved with anyone from there. Ignorant people abound there.

Why do peeps gotta be so ignant?

[iris219]

Where do you live? Some religious community in which everyone is married and / or engaged?

 

In rural areas I can imagine things being bad if you have some brains and a career. If I had to date in the town I grew up, I'd rather stay single than even getting involved with anyone from there. Ignorant people abound there.

 

A smallish southern town where anyone has been coupled up since college.

 

And to clarify, I'm not counting those out of my age range. There are 21 year olds who are single, but that does nothing for me.

[LittlePrince]

A smallish southern town where anyone has been coupled up since college.

 

And to clarify, I'm not counting those out of my age range. There are 21 year olds who are single, but that does nothing for me.

The bread and butter of the Jerry Springer show are twenty something to middle aged southerners doing nothing but getting it on. You are obviously not trying at all.

[dasein]

Personally, I have opted out of marriage as a viable option. Not wanting children, there is no good reason to marry. Spending time here on LS has confirmed and reconfirmed this choice for me in many ways. I have a fortunate, good life, blessed with good health, great family, lots of friends, success obtaining sex when I want it. Every historic period hands one a certain deal of cards, and whereas the card I've been dealt are overwhelmingly fortunate comparatively, current history and political realities dictate marriage to be a very poor bet generally for those who don't want children. If you took the odds and they paid off, that's great, but running down those who didn't make a bad general bet is ludicrous.

 

Tired of seeing people who have made similar choices run down and rubbished here. Failing at marriage is a redder flag than never having failed, statistically in that 70%+ of second marriages fail. IMO, many of our current gender and cultural problems are a direct result of people being relationship addicted, rushing to marry and have children, not due to people waiting or foreclosing the option of marriage and children.