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Do guys really disappear if they think a girl is out of their league?


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Old 16th May 2012, 12:57 PM   #1
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Do guys really disappear if they think a girl is out of their league?

Do guys ever disappear if they think a girl is out of their league? I can't figure out why this guy disappeared on me, everything was going great, and he has suddenly vanished. He was in contact every day, when we hung out it was awesome, great conversation, we had a great time, I was attracted to him, he was attracted to me, very innocent, we only kissed. I thought everything was all good, but then he started acting weird, he started withdrawing and I could just tell something had changed. But, then I spoke with him and everything seemed fine, he lives out of town and I told him I wanted to see him the next time he came in town, he said that we would definitely hang out, etc. Then I text him a couple days after that and he never text back and I haven't heard from him. Any insight as to why? I just don't know what I did. I don't want to be creepy girl and keep trying to contact him when it seems like he's not interested anymore. I'm not trying to be conceited, but I am very pretty, smart, funny, fun to hang out with, easy going, confident, I have a great job, nice, friendly, etc. and I really felt like I was doing things the right way with this situation, I guess that is why I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this and the sudden disappearing act is really throwing me off when there wasn't a substantial incident or anything that happened for him to vanish.
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Old 16th May 2012, 1:10 PM   #2
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This happened to me when I was 17... went to a friend's party... met a truly gorgeous guy there, heavily into David Bowie...he was loving, affectionate, gentle... we actually spent the night in the same sleeping bag, and he was scared of touching me, because he didn't want me to think he was being ungentlemanly... He kept telling me how beautiful I was, what a lovely nature i had, how intelligent I was.... three days later, a mutual friend who had been at the party, and who knew him very well, gave me a hand-written note from him, basically (in a nutshell) telling me he was not good enough for me, and he would be ashamed to introduce his family to me....and that it would never work.
I was utterly heartbroken. he was absolutely special, and I still remember that to this day.
I asked the friend, and she said that yes, he had been absolutely bowled over by me, completely smitten, but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced we were from completely different backgrounds and that it would never work.
I tried to call him, but he wouldn't take my calls, and as I had no idea where he lived, I couldn't go visit.
I replied to his letter, (via our friend) but never got a reply.
But she did tell me for quite some time afterwards, that he kept asking after me....

I still wonder what would have happened if he hadn't backed away....
it's a mark of how lovely he was that I still remember it like it was yesterday.
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Old 16th May 2012, 1:12 PM   #3
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At the end of the day, if someone isn't brave enough to date you, who knows what else he isn't brave enough for? My father walked out on us when I was 7 telling my mum he wasn't good enough. We have thought it was very self-indulgent of him to go through that crisis when there were hungry mouths to feed.
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Old 16th May 2012, 1:48 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HottiePatottie View Post
Do guys ever disappear if they think a girl is out of their league? I can't figure out why this guy disappeared on me, everything was going great, and he has suddenly vanished. He was in contact every day, when we hung out it was awesome, great conversation, we had a great time, I was attracted to him, he was attracted to me, very innocent, we only kissed. I thought everything was all good, but then he started acting weird, he started withdrawing and I could just tell something had changed. But, then I spoke with him and everything seemed fine, he lives out of town and I told him I wanted to see him the next time he came in town, he said that we would definitely hang out, etc. Then I text him a couple days after that and he never text back and I haven't heard from him. Any insight as to why? I just don't know what I did. I don't want to be creepy girl and keep trying to contact him when it seems like he's not interested anymore. I'm not trying to be conceited, but I am very pretty, smart, funny, fun to hang out with, easy going, confident, I have a great job, nice, friendly, etc. and I really felt like I was doing things the right way with this situation, I guess that is why I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this and the sudden disappearing act is really throwing me off when there wasn't a substantial incident or anything that happened for him to vanish.
I have to ask, is it possible that he doesn't think you're that special? You may be pretty, funny, fun, etc, but he just might not see it.

Another possibility is that he was seeing another girl or two, and chose one of them over you.

To answer your question, there are people who fear rejection and will make an excuse to not approach someone they feel is out of their league. I had a friend who did this. He would only go after women he felt he could get. Any woman that was really stunning, he would make excuses to not approach. "She's probably a bitch", "She's high maintenance", "Must be a gold-digger". All excuses to mask the real issue: too cowardly to put himself on the line.

Lets flip it: are there women who will not approach a man they feel is out of their league?
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Old 16th May 2012, 1:52 PM   #5
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I'd say it's possible. At this point in my life I don't think I'd date out of my league even if the opportunity presented itself. I don't want the stress of knowing she could leave me at any time for a hot guy with a 6 pack. But anyone can BBD you nomatter what league you're in so mabye it shouldn't matter. What's yalls leagues numbers wise to give us a little context?
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Old 16th May 2012, 1:56 PM   #6
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Yes, women's low self esteem DEFINITELY stops them from dating men they feel might be out of their league. That's ultimately what the term "player" is all about.
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Old 16th May 2012, 3:34 PM   #7
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If you were out of his league then he wouldn't have spoken you to begin with or had an extremely hard time approaching you in the first place...he needs and in...a casual reason to engage you.

However once a woman is into you it doesn't matter what league she is now she's in the world where she likes you and is interested, so everything is "easy" from that point on at least in that way, so no I don't think at all that was the case.

My opinion is you didn't give it up fast enough, you weren't easy enough for his liking...he put in the effort, tried to hold it together but it fell apart and he really didn't want to invest the effort. As well as he probably has options, so he could already have a GF, someone else pants that he was trying to get into and that deal came through before yours therefore now he's sucked into that.

The reason this is confusing for women is because they take what men do initially at face value...rather than understanding that a lot of times they have an agenda and an objective to reach...when that doesn't come through quick enough or easy enough to their liking, they can take it as a personal blow to their ego or pride (I guess I'm not good enough...or she's a stuck up prude, I can't put on this nice guy face anymore).

You're just looking at this from your perspective, but the bottom line is If a guy disappears it just doesn't matter...there's no reason good enough away, and If he felt the same way you did and was that interested then he'd still be around today...and that's all you really need to care about, it sucks but you really don't know this person so what you know is all the good things and only what he's showed you so far.

You should also be wary of men who live out of town, they typically have high expectations when they do see you because they want it to be worth the effort and time...men hate investing time in an unsure thing or putting in more effort than they want to...which in this case sounds minimal on his part. I highly doubt it's for any good, logical reason but even so It's so easy to get back to people in this day and age there really is no excuse, when someone doesn't get back to you right away when you've just met/started seeing them, then assume they just weren't that interested.
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Old 16th May 2012, 3:41 PM   #8
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Lol

Yeah that must be the reason a guy lost interest in you...because you're so damn hot

I'm sure it had nothing to do with your enormous ego, lack of personality or because *gasp* he just wasn't into you. Nah, that's too far fetched.
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Old 16th May 2012, 3:52 PM   #9
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This seems highly unlikely.

I'm no prime cut myself, but I would never walk away from a girl because I thought she was too good for me.
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Old 16th May 2012, 3:55 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninjainpajamas View Post
If you were out of his league then he wouldn't have spoken you to begin with or had an extremely hard time approaching you in the first place...he needs and in...a casual reason to engage you.

However once a woman is into you it doesn't matter what league she is now she's in the world where she likes you and is interested, so everything is "easy" from that point on at least in that way, so no I don't think at all that was the case.

My opinion is you didn't give it up fast enough, you weren't easy enough for his liking...he put in the effort, tried to hold it together but it fell apart and he really didn't want to invest the effort. As well as he probably has options, so he could already have a GF, someone else pants that he was trying to get into and that deal came through before yours therefore now he's sucked into that.

The reason this is confusing for women is because they take what men do initially at face value...rather than understanding that a lot of times they have an agenda and an objective to reach...when that doesn't come through quick enough or easy enough to their liking, they can take it as a personal blow to their ego or pride (I guess I'm not good enough...or she's a stuck up prude, I can't put on this nice guy face anymore).

You're just looking at this from your perspective, but the bottom line is If a guy disappears it just doesn't matter...there's no reason good enough away, and If he felt the same way you did and was that interested then he'd still be around today...and that's all you really need to care about, it sucks but you really don't know this person so what you know is all the good things and only what he's showed you so far.

You should also be wary of men who live out of town, they typically have high expectations when they do see you because they want it to be worth the effort and time...men hate investing time in an unsure thing or putting in more effort than they want to...which in this case sounds minimal on his part. I highly doubt it's for any good, logical reason but even so It's so easy to get back to people in this day and age there really is no excuse, when someone doesn't get back to you right away when you've just met/started seeing them, then assume they just weren't that interested.
Totally this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



People use "out of my league" as an excuse. As Ninja said, if someone really thinks someone is out of their league, they won't approach or try to make a connection in the first place. If you have already had some contact and some rapport and they vanish, it's because they either don't want to put in the effort, they don't think it will work so they don't want to invest the time, or they just don't want to.

I would agree that he probably has enough options in his own backyard that he doesn't feel the need to put in the effort to deal with the distance or that he was just hoping for some poontang while he was out of town. There is also a real possibility of him having a GF/wife etc at home.

If you are all that you'll have plenty of other options the next time you go out so don't sweat this one.
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Old 16th May 2012, 3:57 PM   #11
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Yeah that must be the reason a guy lost interest in you...because you're so damn hot
Yeah, that being said, I am wondering if this is a troll post, I've been seeing rather unconvincing posts lately.

"I have a great body, but he doesn't want to have sex with me, why is that?"

Basically, posts where men read what is written, and think, "What kind of man would have a problem with this?!?!"

THus attracting attention to the post and then causing a quandry of responses just to see if they got a response
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Old 16th May 2012, 3:58 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by The Humbler View Post
Lol

Yeah that must be the reason a guy lost interest in you...because you're so damn hot

I'm sure it had nothing to do with your enormous ego, lack of personality or because *gasp* he just wasn't into you. Nah, that's too far fetched.
The words 'pot', 'kettle' and 'black', spring to mind....

you seem full of seductive ideas, and expound loads of theories of how to get ladies swooning at your feet - but you actually demonstrate little or no respect for them, at all.
Do you?
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Old 16th May 2012, 4:02 PM   #13
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At the end of the day, if someone isn't brave enough to date you, who knows what else he isn't brave enough for? My father walked out on us when I was 7 telling my mum he wasn't good enough. We have thought it was very self-indulgent of him to go through that crisis when there were hungry mouths to feed.

it ALL makes sense now......

.... but yes, thats correct. just like how women put guys down, play games etc.... same reason for guys not trying with women who are out of their league. its simple.
why should a guy waste any time with someone who puts them down or knows the type to put them down and play games? Why should he waste more time and energy? sorry but its how it is and you made it like so.

be fair. rules arent one way and there is no need for stupid "rules" either.
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Old 16th May 2012, 4:03 PM   #14
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Funk dat! I love going for women that are presumably out of my league,(i.e. too pretty, too tall, too smart, etc.) It's a challenge and it keeps me (and them) on their toes. With that said, I would never consider a woman out of my league. It gives them too much leverage and lessens you to a blubbering idiot. The last time I thought a woman was out of my league, we ended up dating for several months before she moved away. That was several years ago and she's the reason I have no problem asking anyone out.

Now, all that crap aside, there is a difference between him thinking you're out of his league and you thinking you're out of his league. By reading the title of your thread, it's no wonder why he split.
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Old 16th May 2012, 4:25 PM   #15
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Now, all that crap aside, there is a difference between him thinking you're out of his league and you thinking you're out of his league.
Yup. You were the one that brought up this whole out of league thing. Nothing you've said shows any indication that he said anything about leagues.


Maybe what has you riled up is you thought this was going to be a slam-dunk and it turned out not to be.
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