Need understanding myself

[b18c1]

Hi everyone. Thanks for reading. Let me try to get straight to the point but paint the picture as well.

 

When I was a kid, my uncle and even my father abused and cheated on my mom/aunts. I saw the destruction of their actions and the fallout that even lasted to this day. When I saw my aunt/mom beat up or cheated, I was enraged of how selfish my dad/uncles were. As a kid I said to myself that I would never be like any of them. So far I am the only adult guy in both sides that hasn't cheated.

 

Well, now I struggle to date. I am a single father who makes roughly 100k a year and I am still in my twenties. I have only been with one lady and that relationship was a high school relationship that was roughly 8-9 years long. She left us for the party scene. I was devastated but I have came to just accept it and move forward.

 

All my friends are really good with women. I am more of the guy I guess you can say that my loyal aunt's/mom deserved. Sadly, I am very alone and I feel its simply because I am against fwb, one night stands, sex based relationships. I guess I have became the odd ball in our society.

 

I have been in situations where I could have had one night stands/fwb but I have said no. One time the girl (who wanted a one night stand) asked if I was "gay" and I said... "I just believe in quality over quantity." She then sat with me and we talked for a bit because she said "I will never get to meet a guy like you ever again."

 

My friends have tried to help me break out of this and its a dead end. I feel that my troubles with women are simply because I lack the interest to just get them in bed. I loved sex when I had it with my ex and I am very confident of my "skills" but I really enjoyed the mental, emotional part of it too. Yes my approaching women skills are not on par to other experienced men but its obviously clear that when I approach a girl... its not to simply get them into my bed. I also dont' approach as I want to marry them either but you I can tell that many are confused of my intentions.

 

Also, I refuse to give women who have viewed sex as something simple a chance. It just reminds me of a few of my uncles who told me that cheating on women is nothing because they live for men pleasures. Some of the women who cheated with my uncles/dad knew that they had families and thats where its strikes the chord with me I think. I know it goes both ways so I am not happy with the men involved in these things too. I have been told many times in my social group that I am the "moral compass."

 

Don't get me wrong but I am not looking for a virgin. I am just interested in a lady who prizes a solid relationship and nothing less. My friends have came to the conclusion of that too. Sadly, I feel that I might never run into someone like that but I feel that a lady who has that mentality can really complete me.

 

I guess im now lost inside. My mom is very proud of me that I grew up totally the opposite of my selfish father and I actually had one uncle actually apologize for being a horrible role model to me before he died. I know I am a excellent single father BUT ... I feel all of this is coming at a cost.

[january2011]

It can be tough to date and open up your life to someone when you're afraid that you're going to repeat the same mistakes, either the ones from your relationship with your ex or those same ones as the people in your family history. I also wonder if you're reluctant to bring a woman into your child's life unless you're sure that they're going to stick around.

 

I think that you need to open up more and take a chance. If you're always holding back a part of yourself, then you're not really giving a relationship the best chance of survival.

 

There are women out there who are looking for a solid relationship and not just sex but you do have to show that you are genuinely interested - some people can interpret lower sexual interest as 'not interested'. This is where open and honest communication comes in.

[FitChick]

Date older women who have done the party scene and are ready to settle down.

[NeverDated]

Date older women who have done the party scene and are ready to settle down.

This is probably the best advice. Or a single mother, so you have some commonalities re:parenting.