Thoughts on someone who threatens to break up with you at times but doesn't do it?

[Lionblue92]

Im a woman. I'm wondering what peoples thoughts on this is. Especially men. How would you/have you felt when your girlfriend threatened to break up with you during a fight but didnt go through with it? Depending on your reactions.

 

This happened at times in my last relationship which was mostly LDR. All we had was communication, and I would get fristrated because he didnt communicate as well or effectively as I. He didnt understand that the things he couldnt show me, needed to be heard. And after awhile communication was important to him to be as OFTEN as i would like.. sometimes after arguments or during I would say something like "I cant do this" ...something to that effect. I mainly said this cause in the heat of moments I would really feel that way and sometimes because I didnt feel he really LISTENED to me until he knew he had something to lose. And every time this would happen he would be upset that I went there but always stop me in some way..which wasnt that hard cause I did not want to really break up in the end.

 

Anyway, we broke up for a different reason that had to do with him taking me for granted. But he has told me many times that when I did that he lost a little respect for me, and it really, really turned him off about our relationship. I now know i WILL never do that again because it it immature, and its a shot at the ego a bit too.

 

How do you guys feel when this happens?

[TheFinalWord]

Im a woman. I'm wondering what peoples thoughts on this is. Especially men. How would you/have you felt when your girlfriend threatened to break up with you during a fight but didnt go through with it? Depending on your reactions.

 

This happened at times in my last relationship which was mostly LDR. All we had was communication, and I would get fristrated because he didnt communicate as well or effectively as I. He didnt understand that the things he couldnt show me, needed to be heard. And after awhile communication was important to him to be as OFTEN as i would like.. sometimes after arguments or during I would say something like "I cant do this" ...something to that effect. I mainly said this cause in the heat of moments I would really feel that way and sometimes because I didnt feel he really LISTENED to me until he knew he had something to lose. And every time this would happen he would be upset that I went there but always stop me in some way..which wasnt that hard cause I did not want to really break up in the end.

 

Anyway, we broke up for a different reason that had to do with him taking me for granted. But he has told me many times that when I did that he lost a little respect for me, and it really, really turned him off about our relationship. I now know i WILL never do that again because it it immature, and its a shot at the ego a bit too.

 

How do you guys feel when this happens?

 

That eventually they'll do it...

 

That's pretty much the ultimate threat in a relationship. If a girl said that to me on a regular basis, I would be mentally preparing myself for a break up.

 

If a guy drew his hand back to hit you and said "I should smack you" what would you think? Pretty much saying you'll break up is the verbal equivalent in a way. They've already crossed the boundary in their mind and it's just a matter of time before they do it for real.

[Radu]

Im a woman. I'm wondering what peoples thoughts on this is. Especially men. How would you/have you felt when your girlfriend threatened to break up with you during a fight but didnt go through with it? Depending on your reactions.

 

This happened at times in my last relationship which was mostly LDR. All we had was communication, and I would get fristrated because he didnt communicate as well or effectively as I. He didnt understand that the things he couldnt show me, needed to be heard. And after awhile communication was important to him to be as OFTEN as i would like.. sometimes after arguments or during I would say something like "I cant do this" ...something to that effect. I mainly said this cause in the heat of moments I would really feel that way and sometimes because I didnt feel he really LISTENED to me until he knew he had something to lose. And every time this would happen he would be upset that I went there but always stop me in some way..which wasnt that hard cause I did not want to really break up in the end.

 

Anyway, we broke up for a different reason that had to do with him taking me for granted. But he has told me many times that when I did that he lost a little respect for me, and it really, really turned him off about our relationship. I now know i WILL never do that again because it it immature, and its a shot at the ego a bit too.

 

How do you guys feel when this happens?

 

It's a manipulation tactic, some ppl call it even emotional blackmail [you know best in your case].

 

Regardless of gender, if your partner pulls this crap ... you are left with no other choice but to end it or fight it back [very long relationship/marriage/kids], because if you actually give in they will use this again and again and again to get their way.

This is why governments don't negociate with terrorists.

[Ninjainpajamas]

At first It carries some weight...because It's like "Wow, Is she actually that far along" however after time It carries less and less weight and basically it'll be seen as a bluff or a way to try and get a rise out of you...except it doesn't have your desired affect, you're basically using it to get a desired reaction but eventually people will just resort to "whatever, I don't know" in the moment as well.

 

Sure a guys going to chase you back the first few times, it's a natural reaction...It seems to abrupt, however with more experience that a man has with a woman he'll realize It's an immature tactic and If you were really going to leave you would have left...and then ultimately how many women actually leave when they say they will or are supposed to? they usually have to drag themselves along like It's some sacred duty in order to "give the relationship a try, maybe things will change" so in that regard It's just the same ole same ole, and an experienced guy would roll his eyes at it because the word without actions is weak, and women will typically "break up" with you out of disappointment but then they won't go anywhere...they might fool around, act busy, but most will be dedicated and the guy will call up all weak and meager and lonely and you'll fall right back into the trap...it's only after that situation has exhausted itself or a guy figures out a more legitimate reason to break up with you "Oh, we're just too long-distance...why put ourselves through this, let's just be friends and move on...I want you to be happy"...something to that affect, then women will usually string it out pretty far until It just finally hits the breaking point.

 

A woman who does this is a big red flag for me, someone who's into mind games and doesn't take her words seriously...to me you should only say what you mean or intend to, not just use it as trickery.

 

A guy who doesn't want to give you what you need and hear you out, well he doesn't really want to be with you...not enough to invest the real effort or has the real motivation, so you should just move instead of try and plug all the holes in the boat by yourself to keep the boat from sinking...however It's all too common for women to be in one-sided relationships unfortunately, sometimes I wonder how many even have a standard or expectation of more than rock bottom minimal.

[BCCA]

How would you/have you felt when your girlfriend threatened to break up with you during a fight but didnt go through with it? Depending on your reactions.

Its emotional terrorism lol Its the ultimate threat in a relationship, and someone that threatens to do it and doesnt is just toying with my emotions to get their way. Its a really terrible thing to do, especially if used during an argument.

 

Its one thing to say "I dont appreciate when you do X, and if you continue to do it, I will have to break up with you because its unacceptable to me". But when a girl has threatened to break up with me, it leaves me on edge, wondering if/when theyre going to do it, wondering how things got to this point, and feeling totally helpless. It really is like terrorism, on my emotions and mental state. Not cool at all.

 

I dont really go for that anymore, Ive just hit the 3-0 and when women do that, I just say "if youre thinking about breaking up, then lets just do it. Im not going to wonder what youre thinking and wait for the opportune time for you to smash my heart" and I end it right there. I cant handle the back and forth any more, its too draining.

[veggirl]

It's manipulation.

 

A lot of immature or young people do it when they are fighting. I used to be in relationships when I was younger where that type of threat would be thrown around in arguments.

 

Not anymore. If my BF said "maybe we should break up" or "I can't do this" or something, I'd be gone. It's terribly immature and not something I take too lightly. I won't tell my BF we should break up or I might want to, etc, unless I am breaking up with him.

[EricaH329]

It's manipulation.

 

A lot of immature or young people do it when they are fighting. I used to be in relationships when I was younger where that type of threat would be thrown around in arguments.

 

Not anymore. If my BF said "maybe we should break up" or "I can't do this" or something, I'd be gone. It's terribly immature and not something I take too lightly. I won't tell my BF we should break up or I might want to, etc, unless I am breaking up with him.

 

This. Times a thousand. It's an immature way to manipulate someone into getting your way. I used to do it when I was in highschool. I'd suggest making an effort to steer away from those types of people. It shows their emotional immaturity.

[pink_sugar]

My stepdad has been saying that to my mom

for 20+ years.