metalambience Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) I've tried talking to over 1,600+ girls over the past 5 years and gotten no where- not one date (I'm a 23 y/o guy). Mostly at bars/clubs, coffee shops, malls, concerts, outdoor festivals. I've tried nearly every approach and usually get rejected before even getting a scentence out. But when I go on vacation to places like Vegas, Manhattan, Europe...I don't have a problem talking to girls, getting numbers, invited back up to their rooms (though I always decline one night stands), invites to afterparties etc. Is it just that some communities have really picky girls? Especially the more working class small towns where guys outnumber girls? I'm in upstate NY. Or is it normal that a guy hits on thousands of girls before managing to find on ethat wants to go on a date and get to know him better? Edited May 4, 2012 by metalambience Link to post Share on other sites
Author metalambience Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 PS thanks for the insight, it's a serious question since I got promoted and my company is letting me pick where I want to move to Link to post Share on other sites
Author metalambience Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 You sound a bit shallow putting too much weight in how a girl looks rather than her personality- her kindness, fun to be around, generosity, being a good person-- looks only last a decade or two...after that all there is left is personality besides I go to the gym daily and see plenty of fat people that can bench 500lbs and run ten miles barely breaking a sweat- true some people have bad habits but for others its genetic Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 I don't know about Americans, but in Canada most people are very cold and have a wall up. In other parts of the world, you can meet a stranger at a bus stop and have coffee the next day, but here most people are so afraid of these things. I'm so social and I talk to everyone, and I have had both women and men look at me like i'm a pervert or a freak because I decided to talk to them about how beautiful the day was. Seriously? I think this also contributes to why so many people are single. It's hard to even make friends in this country let alone find a date! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 You should come to my town. I swear complete strangers will come up to you and start talking about anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author metalambience Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 great points very true!! try to start a conversation with the people sitting near you on the subway and they look at you like you are crazy! the only exception are old men at the library that will talk your ear off for hours and hours. I don't like drinking but love bars because it seems like the only time people around here are receptive to meeting new people and enjoing pleasant conversation are when they're drunk- met half my really close friends that way Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 People around the world view Americans differently, but if you talked to 1600 women and they all shot you down, then the problem is you. Different areas have ways that different women like to be approached, and if all of them dont like you, youre doing something wrong. It could be the way you talk, look at them, dress, whatever it is, if you get instantly shut down, then my guess is that its something superficial. If you want to appeal to a broader type of woman, then I suggest you find out what youre doing wrong and fix it. Because if you fix it, and you can be successful there, you will be successful anywhere the tough pickups are. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 You sound like a beta male, who will end up with the first fat chick who will give him time of day. Some guys genuinley find fat chicks a turn on, nothing beta male about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 I don't know about Americans, but in Canada most people are very cold and have a wall up. In other parts of the world, you can meet a stranger at a bus stop and have coffee the next day, but here most people are so afraid of these things. I'm so social and I talk to everyone, and I have had both women and men look at me like i'm a pervert or a freak because I decided to talk to them about how beautiful the day was. Seriously? I think this also contributes to why so many people are single. It's hard to even make friends in this country let alone find a date! Hmmm, I wonder why? Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 OP yes, it can be a function of culture, and have experienced similar. In your shoes, in the U.S., I'd head somewhere near either coast. Women won't be any less rude, but you can chuck them in the ocean when they are. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 No. Upstate New York sucks horribly. I am not only saying that because I live here and have no problem getting dates when I travel or live in other parts of the states. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 If you say you haven't had relationships for past 5 years, it's understandable. But not even one single date??? then I think you have a BIG problem. I really don't know how it's going to change just because you move to other states. Anyways, if you think that's true then just move to somewhere else and be happier?? I have friends who bitches about 'oh girls in our states are f-ing weird' all the time. what do they do? they still live here and keep bi tching Link to post Share on other sites
dsw31 Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 1600 girls in 5 years! So did you do the math, or is that just a guesstimation? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 1600 in 5 years... that's only 1 a day. Not even. It adds up fast. Yes absolutely where you live matters. Everyone where you live already has their circle, but in big cities where a lot of people moved from somewhere else it's a whole nother story. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 when I go on vacation to places like Vegas, Manhattan, Europe...I don't have a problem talking to girls, getting numbers, invited back up to their rooms (though I always decline one night stands), invites to afterparties etc. You are probably less uptight and more relaxed when you are on vacation so you might come across as more confident. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob_Funk Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 Cold approaching doesn't work, since girls are extremely uptight and cliquish. If you weren't introduced through friends first, you don't have a shot. And I'm not sure where this myth about vacation spots came from. I've been to Vegas, and the only attention I got was from hookers. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 1600 in 5 years... that's only 1 a day. Not even. It adds up fast. Yes absolutely where you live matters. Everyone where you live already has their circle, but in big cities where a lot of people moved from somewhere else it's a whole nother story. ^^This Aside from attraction and mental compatibility one of the big considerations in dating is social status. (I have never been able to explain this properly so if this confuses I apologise.) At any age women and men care about how the social status of their mate effects their own. This has always been true. It is one of the major drivers of our evolution. People pick mates based in part on how others will regard them and their matchup. So yes there is something different about your town. For some reason, who knows what, you are not regarded with a high enough status to be seen in public with a woman. TL;DR The OP needs to go someplace else and start fresh. He needs to build the largest possible social network there which will include single women and people who can introduce him to women. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 I've tried talking to over 1,600+ girls over the past 5 years and gotten no where- not one date (I'm a 23 y/o guy). Mostly at bars/clubs, coffee shops, malls, concerts, outdoor festivals. I've tried nearly every approach and usually get rejected before even getting a scentence out. But when I go on vacation to places like Vegas, Manhattan, Europe...I don't have a problem talking to girls, getting numbers, invited back up to their rooms (though I always decline one night stands), invites to afterparties etc. Is it just that some communities have really picky girls? Especially the more working class small towns where guys outnumber girls? I'm in upstate NY. Or is it normal that a guy hits on thousands of girls before managing to find on ethat wants to go on a date and get to know him better? If you meet more females while on vacation maybe pretend you're on vacation 24/7 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 Cold approaches work better in cities than suburbia or small towns. Generally speaking, in a small town, you shouldn't have to cold approach because you should know a good portion of the people. Too much cold approaching could also get you a reputation in such a place for the same reason. However, I'm not sure if you actually live in a small town, or just not a major city. I'm not sure it's about how "picky" the girls are, but it sounds like you don't have synergy in the town you're in for some reason. Many people find they do better in one place than another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 You should come to my town. I swear complete strangers will come up to you and start talking about anything. Ha, I can't say that's ever happened to me, pretty sure I've BEEN to your town a few times. Maybe I give off a strong psychopath serial killer vibe, who knows! Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 ^^This Aside from attraction and mental compatibility one of the big considerations in dating is social status. (I have never been able to explain this properly so if this confuses I apologise.) At any age women and men care about how the social status of their mate effects their own. This has always been true. It is one of the major drivers of our evolution. People pick mates based in part on how others will regard them and their matchup. So yes there is something different about your town. For some reason, who knows what, you are not regarded with a high enough status to be seen in public with a woman. TL;DR The OP needs to go someplace else and start fresh. He needs to build the largest possible social network there which will include single women and people who can introduce him to women. Ha, sounds like I'll be alone forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 Ha, I can't say that's ever happened to me, pretty sure I've BEEN to your town a few times. Maybe I give off a strong psychopath serial killer vibe, who knows! You have to go at night but I am also a very social and approachable person. I have gotten dates simply talking to women at The Aztec or Beachcomber. I met my wife sitting on a bench next to her after a fireworks display. Link to post Share on other sites
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