The fine line of confidence and being too forward

[irc333]

Okay, we all talked about the "cold approach" and how it can be a waste of time. I heard of how women said they were turned off by someone approaching by men they do NOT know through other channels

 

(groups of friends, other networks/social circles) and it's actually a turn off for them.

 

I even got the "You don't even know me" response at one time...and I figured, "Well, is this me being confident? I thought you were attracted to confident men"

 

Or what's this in this situation?

 

Apparently, approaching a woman you barely know out int he street, can be a turn off to them if they don't know you , but yet they say they want a man with confidence?

[january2011]

It's a fine balance between stranger-danger for adults and being open to various channels to connect with the opposite sex.

 

Even if a woman wants a confident man, it doesn't necessarily tally that she wants a complete stranger to cold-approach her in public.

 

Allow me to make a film reference to a conversation between Sue Storm and Reed Richards in Fantastic Four (2005)- she wanted him to be "that guy." That is, it is not about any confident man, it is about the confident man.

 

Besides, wouldn't you rather that she was open to approaches from specific men and not any man?

[Necromancer]

It's a fine balance between stranger-danger for adults and being open to various channels to connect with the opposite sex.

 

Even if a woman wants a confident man, it doesn't necessarily tally that she wants a complete stranger to cold-approach her in public.

 

Allow me to make a film reference to a conversation between Sue Storm and Reed Richards in Fantastic Four (2005)- she wanted him to be "that guy." That is, it is not about any confident man, it is about the confident man.

 

Besides, wouldn't you rather that she was open to approaches from specific men and not any man?

 

And who are those specific men? the good looking ones?

[NeverDated]

And who are those specific men? the good looking ones?

Men who strike her fancy. Wouldn't you rather that than a woman was open to being approached simply because you have a penis?

[irc333]

Men who strike her fancy. Wouldn't you rather that than a woman was open to being approached simply because you have a penis?

 

 

Sure..why not? lol

[Million.to.1]

There's no formula!!

 

If you are the type of guy she is interested in then a cold approach is fine. If you aren't, then there will always be an excuse "you don't even know me" or whatever.

 

You can call people out on their hypocrisy all you want, but it's not going to help you get anywhere.

[Content]

They want a confident man theyre also physically attraced to

 

The confidence phenomenon online has gotten out of control and men confused thinking having confidence in approaching will automatically turn women on who might not initially be attracted to you

 

Confidence will only work if the women is already initially somewhat interested by what she sees

[Necromancer]

Men who strike her fancy. Wouldn't you rather that than a woman was open to being approached simply because you have a penis?

 

Ohhhhh i just thought confidence and personality was all you need....... am i right?

[Necromancer]

They want a confident man theyre also physically attraced to

 

The confidence phenomenon online has gotten out of control and men confused thinking having confidence in approaching will automatically turn women on who might not initially be attracted to you

 

Confidence will only work if the women is already initially somewhat interested by what she sees

 

That´s right! Confidence is no magic bullet....if your ugly and confident then it almost for nothing.

[NeverDated]

That´s right! Confidence is no magic bullet....if your ugly and confident then it almost for nothing.

The amount of pressure people on this board put on physical appearance is absurd.

 

Most people are attractive. I know very few men I would classify as unattractive, let alone downright ugly. And the vast majority of those wouldn't be that way were it not for a few traits within their control (weight, hygiene, posture, dressing like a hobo).

 

That doesn't mean an attractive man immediately strikes my fancy. I know many men who are incredibly attractive (and confident! and successful!), but I would still never consider accepting their advances.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Okay, we all talked about the "cold approach" and how it can be a waste of time.

Who is "we"? And when did "we" talk about this and come to the conclusion it is a waste of time?

I heard of how women said they were turned off by someone approaching by men they do NOT know through other channels

 

(groups of friends, other networks/social circles) and it's actually a turn off for them.

And I've heard many women say they appreciate it.

 

I even got the "You don't even know me" response at one time...and I figured, "Well, is this me being confident? I thought you were attracted to confident men"

If a woman says that you're supposed to say, "But I want to get to know you."

Or what's this in this situation?

 

Apparently, approaching a woman you barely know out int he street, can be a turn off to them if they don't know you , but yet they say they want a man with confidence?

I've talked to many players in real life. None of them advised against approaching women on the street. If any guy says it's wrong to approach a woman on the street then he's a guy who sucks with women.

[Leegh]

I think women are suspicious of a guy who would approach them on the street, mainly for safety reasons. You sound like a great guy, but a better option may be a nightclub, party, etc. The word "confident" can have so many meanings. A person can be fumbling for words to ask someone out for a date, yet be very confident in their work. I am not at all turned off if a guy seems a little shy, or if I detect his voice trembling when he calls me; actually I kind of like it, as it shows that he cares.

[manup]

I think women are suspicious of a guy who would approach them on the street, mainly for safety reasons. You sound like a great guy, but a better option may be a nightclub, party, etc. The word "confident" can have so many meanings. A person can be fumbling for words to ask someone out for a date, yet be very confident in their work. I am not at all turned off if a guy seems a little shy, or if I detect his voice trembling when he calls me; actually I kind of like it, as it shows that he cares.

 

This boundary can easily be cut through, by using you environment or asking a question. Hey where is? How do you like? Imagine you're talking to your average person.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I think women are suspicious of a guy who would approach them on the street, mainly for safety reasons. You sound like a great guy, but a better option may be a nightclub, party, etc. The word "confident" can have so many meanings. A person can be fumbling for words to ask someone out for a date, yet be very confident in their work. I am not at all turned off if a guy seems a little shy, or if I detect his voice trembling when he calls me; actually I kind of like it, as it shows that he cares.

Women are suspicious of men period. To say that you can't score dates with women you meet on the street is idiotic. The second girl I ever had sex with I met outside of a Walgreens.

[january2011]

And who are those specific men? the good looking ones?

 

Men who strike her fancy.

 

Exactly! Guys who strike my fancy. He has to be attractive to me.

 

Confidence, being good looking or any other attribute doesn't mean anything if the person you're interested in, isn't interested in you.

 

I am not going to give my number to any guy who is confident and good looking.

[AD1980]

Being confident in yourself and confident about a situation are two completely different things. Confidence has nothing to do with it. If you're not confident that she is single, this could lead to an angry man picking a fight with you in the middle of a grocery store.

 

If you're not confident that the signals she's sending insinuates that she likes you, then this could lead to her potentially complaining for harassment.

 

Outweighing pros and cons are important. And believe it or not guy's think before doing things.

[FrustratedStandards]

I don't understand those women either.

 

If you can approach a woman like that, then that shows lots of confidence. If you reject a man because "you don't know me" well in that case go take out whatever is up your a** and be friendly at least.

 

This is what i'm talking about. So many women are ruining men this way.

[Leigh 87]

Is the cold approach, meeting a girls eye at a cafe or grocery store, and asking her straight out?

 

 

.... I am easy going. People do not offend me annoy me easily. If a nice enough guy, who I was not turned off by physically, and sounded friendly enough, asked me out on a date at the grocery store, I would say " sure, what the hell".

 

I pick my battles.... Getting offended at a guy for merely suggesting a date, is not a problem in life that annoys me in the slightest. Just say' no thansk". Big deal. People get offended too easily, for my liking.

[Necromancer]

I don't understand those women either.

 

If you can approach a woman like that, then that shows lots of confidence. If you reject a man because "you don't know me" well in that case go take out whatever is up your a** and be friendly at least.

 

This is what i'm talking about. So many women are ruining men this way.

 

I once asked my really cute female friend(most guy´s think shes cute), if she had ever been asked out by a random guy irl.......she said "no". image she has walked past 12352312353 guy´s but no one has asked her out!

 

There are only few % of men who make cold approaches, we all know the reasons why.

 

Asking people out on facebook/via phone is to easy and rejections are laugh at material.

 

It´s funny how some good looking guys who don´t even have asked out 1 girl in real life are getting results by internet while some men have approached tons irl but don´t get even close to same results.

[FrustratedStandards]

I once asked my really cute female friend(most guy´s think shes cute), if she had ever been asked out by a random guy irl.......she said "no". image she has walked past 12352312353 guy´s but no one has asked her out!

 

There are only few % of men who make cold approaches, we all know the reasons why.

 

Asking people out on facebook/via phone is to easy and rejections are laugh at material.

 

It´s funny how some good looking guys who don´t even have asked out 1 girl in real life are getting results by internet while some men have approached tons irl but don´t get even close to same results.

 

Exactly!

 

This is why I don't like internet dating. I have girlfriends who have tried online dating, and these girls are either very overweight or too b*tchy to attract men in real life. They find tons of guys online, but when they meet up it all goes down hill from there.

 

Case and point.

 

If you can't meet someone in real life, then in my eyes, you aren't worth meeting at all. That's why most people turn to online dating, because they can't meet anyone in real life. Instead of confronting the issues they have (low self-esteem, physically out of shape, they are rude or impolite) they simply go online, boast about how amazing they are and attract people that would otherwise not have approached them in a million years.

[yongyong]

how many times have you tried the cold approach? Do you expect to try like 10 times and find a GF that way? Did you do it in a right environment?

 

How many women do you pass before you find your type? maybe at least 100s?

Now, look at from their perspective. what is the chance for you to be her type?

Pretty easy to understand for little kids too right?

 

Confidence?? So what? do you find a girl attractive because she is fun to chat? would you bang her just because of this character?

 

you need to find someone who will like 'you'. it would be harder than door to door sales. so don't make stupid assumption after trying little bit.

[threebyfate]

People are confusing the two terms.

1. Confidence is having realistic knowledge of self-worth with a healthy dose of self-esteem.
   
2. Being too forward can be a product of incompatibility of individual styles, a lack of knowledge about social niceties or where people lack empathy towards the emotional state of others when they approach, pushing too hard at people's boundaries.