Men: How often do you contact a woman you just started seeing?

[Ruby Slippers]

Just curious. In the past, I've mostly been in long-term relationships with guys I knew for a while, so by the time we started dating, most of them called me every day.

 

I'm now dating people I don't know that well up front. Some of them call almost every day, and some more like 2-3 times a week.

 

Just wondering how often you contact a woman you're just getting to know, and whether this varies depending upon how much you like her.

[sid3]

It does vary quite a bit.

[Oxy Moronovich]

The real question is: how often do women contact men they just started seeing?

 

There are many guys on LS alone who complain the chick they are seeing initiates little to no contact. Last year, I started making sure to tell every chick I get to know that she needs to initiate contact with me or I take it as a lack of interest and move on. My recent girlfriend I told her point blank, "If I initiate contact, you gotta reciprocate the same amount. If I call you 7 times a week, I expect around 7 calls from you back. Communication is key to me. I look for a woman who understands this. If she can't we're not compatible."

[SJC2008]

Ruby it depends on the man. I try to gauge the womans interest and go from there. It's hard to judge a non initiatir as yourself, all due respect of course. Being that you don't initiate the men will probably err on the side of caution. I kept steady LIGHT contact with the last one. Usually every other day with a back to back sometimes and a 3 day gap once.

[yongyong]

I totally understand your point.

 

But Women are not logical creatures when it comes to dating.

 

If you say such things, that shows you are very into her, you are not confident enough, you are needy, you are jealous etc

 

How about telling them 'don't play games with me' when they are obviously playing games with you? It tells them you just lost the game.

 

I wish I can go over the rules with them, sign it together and get notarized

 

 

 

 

The real question is: how often do women contact men they just started seeing?

 

There are many guys on LS alone who complain the chick they are seeing initiates little to no contact. Last year, I started making sure to tell every chick I get to know that she needs to initiate contact with me or I take it as a lack of interest and move on. My recent girlfriend I told her point blank, "If I initiate contact, you gotta reciprocate the same amount. If I call you 7 times a week, I expect around 7 calls from you back. Communication is key to me. I look for a woman who understands this. If she can't we're not compatible."

[Oxy Moronovich]

I totally understand your point.

 

But Women are not logical creatures when it comes to dating.

 

If you say such things, that shows you are very into her, you are not confident enough, you are needy, you are jealous etc

 

How about telling them 'don't play games with me' when they are obviously playing games with you? It tells them you just lost the game.

 

I wish I can go over the rules with them, sign it together and get notarized

I guess I was not confident enough, needy, jealous, etc. Guess what? She's dating me. How about that?

 

Women are not logical creatures period. Asking a woman to initiate an equal amount of contact is asking little. Like I said, if a woman has a problem with me wanting this then we're not compatible. There are plenty of women like my current GF who are understanding enough to go along with my preferences. I don't want women spineless women who hate initiating.

[runner]

if i'm really into her, and she welcomes my contact, i have no problem ringing her daily. if i feel her pulling away (eg, not really getting back to me), i can't say that it won't diminish my interest to some extent.

[yongyong]

Well there are women you can talk that way. I am sure she was very attracted to you from the beginning.

 

I was just saying you should assume their interest level by how they get in touch with you. you can't ask them for straight answer or tell them what to do.

 

I prefer talking directly like you but from my experience and watching how people communicate, I don't think it's the right way especially for beginning stage.

 

 

 

 

I guess I was not confident enough, needy, jealous, etc. Guess what? She's dating me. How about that?

 

Women are not logical creatures period. Asking a woman to initiate an equal amount of contact is asking little. Like I said, if a woman has a problem with me wanting this then we're not compatible. There are plenty of women like my current GF who are understanding enough to go along with my preferences. I don't want women spineless women who hate initiating.

[Ruby Slippers]

OK, good to know. I'm not one of these people who needs "mystery" to amplify my interest, and I prefer it when the guy contacts me every day. And yeah, he has no doubt that I'm happy to hear from him when he does.

 

There's one guy who's been calling me almost every day, and I feel fonder of him than the others - because I know more about his daily life and what's on his mind, and he's making it clear he cares about what's going on in my life, too.

 

The one who takes longer to call, I feel like the connection is kinda dropped during the days I don't talk to him, and I feel a little colder toward him when he does.

[dasein]

Used to be a lot. These days not at all other than to ask for the next date. More contact once exclusive.

[DuchessKaye]

If a man is truly interested in getting to know us, girls. They should have the urge to contact us everyday. I love to hear from them everyday, but if they don't, I would assume they are not really into me or not really interested in getting to know me more. I will find it odd if they are not exerting effort to know what I am up to in my daily life. I will start to lose power and interest.

But then again, men are really different to each one,

some guys are not really into calling and texting every day and some are.

Some prefer to talk more in person or when you are out together but will stay speechless when you are not together.

[persevere]

Last gal I tried to date, I told upfront that I was looking for communication and no games. I call you, you call me back. I email. You email back. The most I could get out of her was a text, when I called. No response at all to an email, post first date, giving her my real email address.

She told me we needed to reschedule our second date, by text. Texted a response to my call to set up another time. It was all unacceptable and far too vague. I need more communication than that, if only out of respect. She got dropped from my efforts.

I don't believe in games when it comes to talking to someone. If I want to call, I will. However, early on, I try to save most conversation face to face.

Edited April 25, 2012 by persevere

[laotzu]

I've been seeing someone who I've been dating for around three months, and we probably talk two times a week or so on the phone. However, we see one another every weekend, and sometimes during the week. It sounds cynical (well, it IS cynical) but I used to call girls every day, but then I got into a long relationship with someone who eventually cheated on me. So now I treat everyone differently.

 

Anyway, a couple of times a week is fine. I hope this works out for you!

[EasyHeart]

When I first start dating someone, I call her to ask her on dates. That's it. The only purpose of contacting her is to schedule when I will see her in person. We get to know each other by dating.

 

Once we start dating regularly, communication naturally increases. I've never counted phone calls or kept track of who initiated (or didn't initiate) contact. And if I get any indication that she's keeping track, then the red flags start flapping.

[Ruby Slippers]

Well, the guy who calls me most every day certainly doesn't seem any "needier" than any of the others. In fact, he strikes me as very laid-back and cool. But he's the one who tells me at day's end to have sweet dreams and a great day tomorrow - so he's the one more on my mind.

[spookie]

From the start of our relation, bf called every day, even if we weren't having long conversations. It was one of the things that made me trust his intentions right off the bat.

[carhill]

'Getting to know' from a stranger via the dating path? Generally only when arranging dates. Getting to know occurs on dates. Life experience has taught me that attempting to become too familiar with a person leads to the 'familiar' friend- or brother- zone. That's OK with friends but not with romantic prospects. As experience varies, so does opinion.

[Emilia]

Getting to know occurs on dates. Life experience has taught me that attempting to become too familiar with a person leads to the 'familiar' friend- or brother- zone. That's OK with friends but not with romantic prospects. As experience varies, so does opinion.

 

Have to say I don't disagree. Not so much from a friendzoning aspect but because familiarity in the early stages can be deceptive. Especially in OLD

[Arkaeology]

It depends on the couple too. I have never been a phone talker and almost never initiates phone calls unless there is something specific that I need to ask her now. On the other hand, I'm a talker in a face to face situation. The girlfriend is a phone talker, I'm not. I'm more of a face to face conversationalist, she's not. It pretty much works out.

 

Either way, we communicate a lot in our own way. Haven't had a quarrel and only a minor misunderstanding in 3 months.

[Ruby Slippers]

From the start of our relation, bf called every day, even if we weren't having long conversations. It was one of the things that made me trust his intentions right off the bat.

Yeah, it's always gone a very long way with me when the guy calls every day. My last boyfriend liked to point out that he had never skipped a day in calling me, emphasizing that he still did it because he wanted to, not because he felt obligated.

[Ruby Slippers]

'Getting to know' from a stranger via the dating path? Generally only when arranging dates. Getting to know occurs on dates. Life experience has taught me that attempting to become too familiar with a person leads to the 'familiar' friend- or brother- zone. That's OK with friends but not with romantic prospects. As experience varies, so does opinion.

Hmmm, that has not been my experience. For me, the guys who call the most regularly tend to be the most masculine and flirtatious as well. The guy who's calling me pretty much daily now leaves no question that his intentions are romantic. There's plenty of flirty innuendo laced throughout the conversation. Just talking to him on the phone turns me on. That's not true for any of the others at the moment.

[veggirl]

My BF contacted me (or vice versa) every day from the beginning.

 

Well, actually, there was one day neither of us initiated, but it was pretty clear we were both like...kinda purposely not doing it? It was the day before our 2nd date, lol.

 

I'd think it depends on how many others he is seeing (if a guy is dating 5 girls I'd doubt he is gonna contact them all daily) and *I* would assume a guy is not *that* interested in me if we weren't talking or sending a text or something each day. That being said, I do initiate equally. If I didn't initiate, I wouldn't expect daily contact.

[Ruby Slippers]

...*I* would assume a guy is not *that* interested in me if we weren't talking or sending a text or something each day.

That is my assumption as well. So I'm naturally losing interest in the guys who contact less frequently.

[DuchessKaye]

That is my assumption as well. So I'm naturally losing interest in the guys who contact less frequently.

 

Me too, less contact and I will lose power and interest.

And will make me decide to say "NEXT"!

[SJC2008]

Ok ladies now I'm really screwed because I thought a lot of contact early on was coming on to strong IMO. I kept constant light contact with the last woman but she started to slack in response by ignoring a text then call. Now I usually texted her bc she almost never answered her phone and she texted back to calls.