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How long should I wait before returning his call?


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Old 6th February 2012, 12:22 AM   #1
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How long should I wait before returning his call?

Background: I was contacted on an online dating site by a super-hot guy. Exchanged a few emails over a couple of days before agreeing to meet up. We went out on a date last Monday. We spent about 4 hours together, had two drinks at a bar, made out a bit in the back room of the bar at his instigation (it was empty--monday night). Honestly, I never do that on the first date, but this guy was hot, and I sort of assumed I would never see him again, so I figured I might as well.

After we were done, he held my hand as he walked me to the subway. On the way there, he tried to suggest that we go back to his place, but I declined (he was hot, but no guy is THAT hot). He kissed me goodnight with the dreaded and non-specific "I'll call you."

I obviously really wanted him to mean that, but I've been around the block enough times that I was fully aware that there was a VERY good chance that he was just using the online dating site hoping for easy hookups and that I was never going to hear from him again. So when I didn't hear from him from him after 3-4 days I mentally wrote him off in my head.

He called tonight. Nearly a full week after our date. I didn't pick up (was out with friends), so his call went to voicemail. He left a non-specific message identifying himself and saying he was calling to see how I was doing and to give him a call.

My question is--when do I return his call (if at all)? I realize that his taking a full week to call me back, absent some specific mention of a specific reason--is a pretty good sign that his interest level is relatively low. In my experience, guys who are really interested call much sooner than that, and I think there's a very good chance based on observed behavior that this guy really is just looking for a hookup and might be interested enough to call me if he's bored but not interested enough to call promptly. I guess I'm not opposed to going out with him again (though maybe I should be?), but I'm REALLY unimpressed with his follow-through here and don't want to give him the impression that he can wait a week to call and that I'll jump with excitement at finally hearing from him and be totally up for seeing him whenever he decides to get around to fitting me into his schedule.

Wondering what the right thing to do here is. He called Sunday night. Do I call him back tomorrow? Wait until Tues/Wed? Don't call at all and make him call again if he's really interested?

What's the correct response when a guy you're interested in takes a week to call you after a first date?

Last edited by CarrieInNYC; 6th February 2012 at 12:28 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 6th February 2012, 12:34 AM   #2
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I don't know...just sounds like his other options aren't panning out and he wants to take another stab at getting you back to his place...he is a hot guy, after all...

Give him a call at your convenience...don't play bullsh*t games...if you do want to play games, then just don't call him back.
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Old 6th February 2012, 12:42 AM   #3
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Your story sounds eerily similar to mine. Except I didn't push for sex and said I'd call her to set up a date, which I did 2-3 days after. Unfortunately she didn't call me back and I had to text her 2 days later, and finally responded. Though she could still turn out to be a flake anyway.

I think for a guy to wait a whole week to call you is pretty lousy, it sounds like he's not that interested. He could have been genuinely busy (or busy going on dates with others girls from the dating site). Honestly I hate it when a girl doesn't answer her phone or call me back when I call. If I like a girl and want to know she's interested she should answer or call back within a day's time.

I don't think there's anything wrong with calling the guy the next day or sending him a simple text saying you were busy and asking him what's up. If he sets up a second date, see what happens.
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Old 6th February 2012, 5:08 AM   #4
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OP,

No length of time is going to be the magic bullet you need to make this into a not-frustrating situation if you're looking for someone who behaves differently. Know that.

Me? I wouldn't have called him back at all. Maybe texted or messaged back that I wasn't interested in talking. Just before I met my hubby, I went out with a 'classically hot' type guy who took several days to catch up with me after our (extremely mediocre) date, and when he did catch up it was fairly late -- not booty call hour, but a little after 9pm -- and via a badly spelled text. I just told him we clearly weren't looking for the same thing and not to text again.

Strategically, about 4-5 days is probably best if you're going to try to prolong this game. But why?
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Old 6th February 2012, 8:35 AM   #5
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All good points. I guess I have a problem "giving up" on people and tend to assume that perhaps I'm being oversensitive or jumping to conclusions. This leads me to give people more chances than they deserve, though I do generally keep my head on my shoulders rather than getting swept away and ultimately hurt.

So, for this guy I find myself thinking that I'm okay with giving him another chance, but I don't want to give him the impression either than I'm sitting around at his beck and call or that I'm going to jump into bed with him if all he's looking for is an easy lay. I figure if I can convey that message appropriately through my behavior, he'll go away on his own if that's all he's looking for (hopefully) will adjust his behavior appropriately if it's NOT what he's looking for.

I don't know. I'm now wavering between returning his call on Wednesday and not returning it at all. I guess I have a couple of days to figure it out...
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Old 6th February 2012, 12:37 PM   #6
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I've been on dates with some model-looking guys, and they almost always put forth very low effort. People usually put forth the most effort in the beginning -- so you can pretty safely assume that he's only going to put in less effort as time goes on.

Why bother?

Personally, I would only bother with a guy like this if I just wanted some hot sex from him. And in that case, I would need to see his STD test results -- because he probably gets around.
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Old 6th February 2012, 1:00 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Ruby Slippers View Post
Personally, I would only bother with a guy like this if I just wanted some hot sex from him. And in that case, I would need to see his STD test results -- because he probably gets around.
Bring your own condoms in various sizes so he has no excuse not to use one.
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Old 6th February 2012, 9:24 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Ruby Slippers View Post
I've been on dates with some model-looking guys, and they almost always put forth very low effort. People usually put forth the most effort in the beginning -- so you can pretty safely assume that he's only going to put in less effort as time goes on.
Great point!

In addition to waiting a week to call you, I don't like that his voicemail was so non-specific. IMO if he was really interested in dating you he would have said something like "I'd like to take you out this weekend. Give me a call so we can set something up."
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Old 6th February 2012, 11:01 PM   #9
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Bring your own condoms in various sizes so he has no excuse not to use one.
True. But I'm very careful about this. Herpes, HPV, and some other STDs can be spread even with condoms. I know that STD tests don't reveal all, but they reveal more than just a visual inspection.
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Old 7th February 2012, 3:55 AM   #10
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Hot (especially if also rich) guys have great tendency to be players just as hot young women have great tendency to be expensive. Why are they so? Its because they can.

So in the end its your choice.
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Old 7th February 2012, 6:45 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by CarrieInNYC View Post
What's the correct response when a guy you're interested in takes a week to call you after a first date?
You seem to be under the illusion that how you respond will make a difference to his intentions. It won't.

He wants to nail you. It's that simple. If you want to have sex with him, then call him up, it really doesn't matter when. If you're looking for something more meaningful, you should move on rather than beat yourself up over how to 'win' a guy who most probably can't be won...
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