Hook-up follow-up?

[Elisa89]

So I hooked up with this guy on Friday night. We had been planning to see each other for a couple of weeks but it never worked out as one of us had to cancel.

 

Anyways, we finally met up, had a couple of drinks, went to club for dancing and then back to his place. In the morning, we stayed in bed and we talked for quite a while, then got up and had a fabulous breakfast. He mentioned several times he liked that I was there, that he enjoyed the night and that he'd like to meet up again. I finally left around one and he brought me to the tram stop, kissed me goodbye and that he hoped to do that again.

 

It was a very pleasant experience and I wouldn't have anything against repeating it. But while he sounded like he felt the same, he hasn't followed up with anything. No text, nothing. I don't know what I was expecting, maybe an "I enjoyed last night, let's meet up again next week" text. Maybe he felt that wasn't necessary as he made it very clear before.

 

Anyways, I wouldn't mind a casual hook up with him from time to time. I'm heading home for the holidays on Friday, so I'd like to meet him before that. Do I just text him and see what he says?

[DearAbby]

Na- that sends a message of neediness. I think the best thing to do is just wait it out. Let him lead and don't be super eager to respond to his messages right away. Let the man lead. if he doesn't, it makes it clear what his interest level is.

[jobaba]

Frequency of texts and contact don't mean diddly. It's what you write in them that matters.

 

God, the stupid timing and push and pull games. They're so dumb.

 

If you text him

 

"What up? Watching the Patriots game today or what are you up to?" = Hey. Methinks you're pretty cool. Let's see where this thing goes.

 

OR

 

"Had fun. Let's hang again soon." = Methinks you're pretty cool. Let's see where this thing goes.

 

INSTEAD OF

 

"I really like you. I can't stop thinking about you since the day I met you." = Crazy stalker b@tch.

 

Some women have such an enormous amount of pride and fear of rejection. They are so afraid to make even a small initial move and take the lead. Please read the volumes and tomes of posts of men here who have stuck out their neck, all courage and guts, and revealed their feelings to women just to have their heart torn out.

[lululucy]

Frequency of texts and contact don't mean diddly. It's what you write in them that matters.

 

God, the stupid timing and push and pull games. They're so dumb.

 

If you text him

 

"What up? Watching the Patriots game today or what are you up to?" = Hey. Methinks you're pretty cool. Let's see where this thing goes.

 

OR

 

"Had fun. Let's hang again soon." = Methinks you're pretty cool. Let's see where this thing goes.

 

INSTEAD OF

 

"I really like you. I can't stop thinking about you since the day I met you." = Crazy stalker b@tch.

 

Some women have such an enormous amount of pride and fear of rejection. They are so afraid to make even a small initial move and take the lead. Please read the volumes and tomes of posts of men here who have stuck out their neck, all courage and guts, and revealed their feelings to women just to have their heart torn out.

 

Faaaaaact!

 

The day after I hooked up with this guy at a big outdoor party, I texted him "thanks for the rides last night, that was fun" -- and within a month we were seeing each other every other day and we've now been dating five months. Don't text him something crazy, don't text him twice if he doesn't reply -- just something casual so he doesn't think you've now fallen in love with him but he knows you'd be interested in seeing him again.

 

What's the worst that can happen, he doesn't reply? Big freaking deal. He is the one who said he'd like to do that again so I'd say the ball is now in your court.

Edited December 18, 2011 by lululucy

[FaithInTheDark]

I totally agree. its not the frequenty of texts, its whats in them. I mean u said u guys had a fab breakfast, usually with hook ups- u take off asap. He did show interest of wanting to see you again. Thats a good sign.

I think if you slept with someone you have the right to presue it, if youre looking for something real.

I agree with everyone here. something casual. even a simple hows it going? what are you up to tonight? will help.

theres a diffrence between clingy and showing interest.

[ascendotum]

elisa, you already got the advice I'd give especially with jobaba's reply, its +1 for me.

[Ruby Slippers]

Anyways, I wouldn't mind a casual hook up with him from time to time. I'm heading home for the holidays on Friday, so I'd like to meet him before that. Do I just text him and see what he says?

If you really are cool with just a hookup, definitely text him about hooking up again. Even if he ignores you, it's no big deal, as you're viewing it as casual and aren't attached.

 

If you want more than that with him, I'd say stick with the "old rules" and let him initiate the next contact.

[Elisa89]

Thank you all for your sound advice!

 

Turned out that he messaged me on Facebook later that day, asking how I was, how my school work went and joking around a little. No plans to meet up but you never know. I'm going out with friends this evening and I might just text him to meet up later tonight somewhere in the city. We'll see where this goes!

[Elisa89]

What I learned from this, don't expect to see a guy ever again after a ONS. Even if everything seems to be headed in this direction.

It was the very first time I felt good waking up after having casual sex with a guy because he treated me with so much respect.

We talked twice after sleeping together on Facebook, all flirty and nice. Then we tried to meet up again before he left for Christmas but he had to pack his stuff and leave at 6 am the next morning. He texted me from the airport that he would have liked to see me again before Christmas and would be very happy to make up for it in January. That's last thing I ever heard of him, not that I tried to contact him.

 

Still it was a great night but please, guys, don't do the sweet talk if you don't follow through with it. It takes away from the good memories!

[Emilia]

So I hooked up with this guy on Friday night. We had been planning to see each other for a couple of weeks but it never worked out as one of us had to cancel.

 

This is why. If neither of you are able to make it for whatever reason over a 2-week period, it's doomed to fail. Don't know whether he kept flaking on you/was busy apparently or whether it was mutual but when 'there is a will, there is a way'. No-one is this busy when they really want to see someone.

[runner]

when you're already ****ing someone i'd like to think that the communication should just flow naturally, without having to go back and forth with the whole who's gonna contact who game. if you're still playing that game then perhaps the ****ing should be put on hold in the meantime.

[Elisa89]

Hmm communication was flowing naturally. He asked me out a couple of times, either to have a drink just the two of us or to join him and his friends, I could never make it because I had school until late or already had plans with my friends. When we finally made it, we had sex. I don't even think that was a mistake as this is never going to be anything long-term. We talked after that, tried to meet, this time he couldn't make it because he had to pack his bags. We didn't talk during the three weeks he was a home. No need to since our conversations always had the aim to meet up. I don't really see the problem there. He has only been back for three days, I still don't really expect to see him again. That's ok. I guess the only thing I wanted to express is that my memories of our night would be better if he didn't do all the sweet talk the morning after.