Why is she acting like this if she likes me?

[Johnny85]

Hey All! So I am sure many of you remember the girl that I have been seeing for approximately 2 months (we met online). We were suppose to work on a project on Friday, and she cancelled 30 minutes before we were suppose to meet up because she wasn't feeling well!!! So we rescheduled for Saturday morning instead. I asked her on Saturday before I left if she'd like to do something in the evening, and she said she was busy; she kept changing her story (first she was reading a book that evening, then she was gonna have a friend over, and then she was gonna go out with a friend). I told her that I didn't feel like inviting myself, and I kissed her. She promised she would let me know that evening, but I never heard from her....

 

So she called me the next morning and asked me if I wanted to go on a picnic with her (and to bring a bottle of wine) and she would call me in an hour regarding where to meet up. She didn't call me for 3 hours. So I called her, and she told me to come over to her house. I showed up at her house, acting rather quiet, she had blown me off so many times, and I was feeling really frustrated. Things got really weird as we were standing outside (we were quiet, and both of us felt very uncomfortable). I became nervous, and told her that I bought a bottle of wine, but it was in my car, and her roommate was home (she asked me what her roommate had to do with it, to which I responded, "nothing, she can maybe join us for a glass of wine later). OUCH!!! Trust me, at this point, her interest level in me was about 1/100.

 

 

She was basically acting distant, and when I brought up the idea of having a glass of wine 2 hours later, she basically rejected my proposal, and wanted to end the night, then and there. She invited me to keep her company while she cooked, so I stayed for another 30 minutes (but she was acting as cold as ice, lol).

 

Long story short, I gave her a pair of earrings that I had designed for her (they were not expensive, $5, just very pretty, and I wanted to give her a little gift to show her that I like her). I told her I designed them for her, and described the earrings to her. I really did design them for her, and it was a gift from my heart, not expensive but meaningful. I told her that!

 

All of a sudden, she was ALL into me. We were kissing, making out passionately, I held her close to my body, we touched, etc. Keep in mind, we have already seen each other around 9-10, although some of this has been business related. We have a date this week; I am actually gonna give her a tennis lesson. I sent her a text just asking if I should reserve a court and she responded, "Of course I promise I'll be there muffin." We have texted back and forth flirtatiously since then. We worked together on Monday (we kissed) and Tuesday (she kissed me, actually). But she canceled our plans to play tennis, for she wasn’t feeling well (she had a migraine and she is on a diet, so she REALLY isn’t eating a lot). I sent her a text message 2 hours later saying,

 

 

Me: “Hey you’re welcome to come over to my house and watch a movie with popcorn and relax:) And eat cheesecake!!!”

 

Hence, she is on a diet!

 

Her: “No I don’t think so; those two things aren’t on my list.”

 

Me: Okidoki, I’ll have to have fun without you!

 

Her: Don’t try to sabotage me!!!

Me: Oh I try my best!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A) I just feel like she only started acting nice when I gave her a little gift. I want her to like me for me, and not because I give her gifts. Maybe this is the wrong mindset t have. Guys buy dinner and drinks for girls all the time; that's really no different.

 

B) I feel like she sometimes takes me for granted; she sometimes doesn't respond to my texts, or she cancels 30 minutes before we are suppose to meet up.

 

C) One day she is into me; the next, she is gone (and she doesn't respond to my texts). I posted a location update on Facebook with a friend (who happens to be a girl) and the next day she asked me who I was with. That's when she asked me if I wanted to get a bottle of wine and go on a picnic.

 

D) We always see each other on her terms. And we have only seen each other for the last 2 weeks to work on our project. Sure she shows interest in me by kissing me, and she wore the earrings I got for her today. I just feel like I am more into her than she is into me, and I don’t know how to bring it up without chasing her away.

 

 

Why is she acting like this? She cancels our plans left and right, she's into me one day, but the next day she distances herself. I really like her, but it shouldn't be this hard.... If she isn't into me, why would she want to play tennis with me (she is the one who suggested it; now she cancelled due to not feeling well), kiss me, and act flirtatiously? I just feel like she is leading me on. ☹

 

Maybe I should just back off? ☹

[joeLove]

No worries ... many women (even mature women) do these things ...

They like to seem to be "in control". Changing plans, canceling plans, giving people rain checks, etc... makes some women feel "in control". It makes some women happy ...

[insertnamehere]

Women like the intensity of your pursuit.

 

My advice, don't buy into it. It just becomes a long-term commitment to feeding into childish bull****. Make your intentions known strongly and if that ain't good enough make it clear you're moving on.

[Johnny85]

Yesterday we worked together, and it was kind of weird. After that we went out with her friends, and she hardly looked at me or smiled at me. There was only one point where she showed interest in me, and that was when a group of people joined our group. I started talking to this woman, and after about 5 minutes she grabbed the woman and sat her down on by the table (as we were talking). Later one of her friends asked how we met, and she said Facebook (we met on an online dating site).

 

I probably made the ultimate mistake when I got home (I sent her a text message):

 

Me: You know I really like you blueberry muffins. And I think we should plan a romantic date. I have a perfect idea in mind

Her: Oh yeah? What is it?

Me: Oh a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell:)

Her: Oh I see:)

Me: So is that a yes to our romantic date?

 

I sent her a nice song and told her that it reminded me of her. lol

 

(No response; it was late, perhaps she fell asleep, who knows?).

 

 

 

I am an optimistic person, but I just don't think she is into me anymore!

[the wizard]

Disappear. Stop feeding her ego.

[Johnny85]

yeah; she even invited her guy friend last night (who is actually an attractive guy). She clearly knows how I feel about her, so now the ball is in her court.

[Johnny85]

I feel like I keep coming back here asking the same thing over and over again. That is because I keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Basically, I feel like I am in the same position as I was in last time I was here asking for advice. The only difference is that we worked together and we kissed even more... since I last posted here.

 

But this filthy habit has kicked in where she will avoid my text messages for 5 days and then text me. For instance, last week I sent her a text saying that I really liked her (followed by a nice song that reminded me of her). I asked her out on a romantic date, and she avoided my text for 3 days when she commented on a photo that I posted on FB with two cute girls next to me (they thought I looked like Prince William). When other girls show interest in me, she is interested in me.... The following day she asked me if I wanted to play tennis with her (I said no because she has flaked on me so much and avoided my texts, but I was really busy as well).

 

Long story short, the same thing happens this week, and she responds to my FB location update saying, "And you didn't invite me?" I responded to her immediately, but she didn't come. The next day I wrote her, "I think it is your turn to ask me out on a date!!!" She didn't respond! lol But she will!

 

 

Anyway, I don't want to play these games - this is ridiculous, considering that she is a professional in her mid 20s, very smart and driven girl. Yet she plays these stupid games. They need to stop!! ANd I need your help! I can't just cut her out of my life (for she will come back into it by playing her little games). I need to send her an assertive text that basically states, either you like me or you don't, stop leading me on.It is hard too cause I really like a lot of her traits, but I feel this needs to end (if she is going to continue stringing me along. I do not want her playing with my heart.

 

Here are a few examples that I have come up with:

 

"You know, name, I am not cool with you avoiding my texts. If you aren't into me, you should just tell me, and I will find someone who is."

 

OR

 

"Hi name! I have a question for you: I like you, and it would be nice for us to get to know each other better. But I feel like I am getting mixed signals from you. I would like to know how you feel about us continuing to date; that way, we are on the same page, for I don't play games, so if you're not into me, I would rather find someone who is!"

 

Or

 

Hi name! I have a question for you! I like you, but I feel like I am putting in more of an effort in getting to know each other. Are you still interested in us dating?"

 

 

 

Any suggestions guys? I need an answer, and so avoiding her is not an option (we're working together on a project, she is going to owe me a large sum of money, and we have mutual friends on FB (when I back off, she always sends me something flirtatious on there). It needs to stop! Either she likes me or she doesn't!

[Johnny85]

or I could write her:

 

"Hi name! You know, I am a kind and gentle man, and I don't find it cool that you don't respond to some of my text messages. I am confused, for I feel like I am getting mixed signals from you. I like you, but I don't play games; I would just like an honest answer about whether you're into me or if I should move on."

 

 

 

What do you guys think? Any recommendations would be very kind. I just don't wanna have to come back here again and ask for advice about this girl.

 

Thanks in advance guys!!!

[jstobo]

First of all, I know what you are going through. We have all been there. I have done the final text just like you are proposing. That always gave me my answer, which was she just wasn't that into me.

 

You stated you can't ignore her because of work projects. It's strange that you met online, yet you seem to work together or go to school together. I would simply stop doing anything that has to do with dating or being in a relationship. Stop texting her. Stop responding to her Facebook comments. Try this for one week. I think she is stringing you along, because let's face it, people don't like to be alone and like the attention. If she is really interested in you, she will pursue after being ignored for a week. She will then become fearful of messing things up or losing you. If she is not really interested, she will simply go away.

 

One week Dude. You can do it. Do not send any of the texts you are considering. Trust me.

[Eddie Edirol]

Heres the deal. Shes not into who you are. Shes slightly physically attracted to you, but you dont make her heart jump for you. Wanna know why? Youre too much into her. You give her no mystery. You arent making her work for your heart, but you sure are working for hers. You dont give a woman gifts to tell her you like her. You dont offer anything but your stunning personality. No gifts, favors, thats what "nice" guys do, and thats why they stay last.

 

When you tell her you like her, you show her you need her, youre KILLING the challenge and attraction for her, because she doesnt need to do any work to earn your affection, which is a complete turnoff to a 25 year old. The handsome friend that she invited to her place? HES the guy that is making her work for him. With him, she is in your situation, and that guy is blowing her off, which brings her back to you. So when she blows you off, its cuz she heard from him. She knows she should be with a good guy like you, but because that guy is making her work for him, (and hes good looking) he makes her heart flutter.

 

If you want to stay a nice guy, then date 33 year olds and up, they appreciate it more with maturity.

 

When your girl saw you having fun without her, with other women around you, its because she thought you didnt NEED her, thats why she turned the heat up on you. Thats what you need to keep doing. Shes young, so you need to act as if shes your little sister. You need to act as if you already have someone hotter that youre already seeing, and maybe you'll give her a chance. It wont be true, but thats how you act. You dont worry about her answering your texts, you jknow she will eventually come looking for you if she doesnt hear from you, she needs her ego boost.

 

You cut your meetings short, dont tell her you like her, let her see you partying with women on facebook, dont answer her comments on facebook, that way she will work for you. You have to pull back and let her come to you. You WILL make her heart jump if you make her work for you, and dont give away that you like her anymore. You have to act as if you found someone better already. Just like she is actually doing. That guy is going to keep blowing her off, so you still have an in, but you have to work carefully with it. Also keep in mind that she might be using you for validation because she might be on the rebound from that other guy. Understand?

[Johnny85]

First of all, I know what you are going through. We have all been there. I have done the final text just like you are proposing. That always gave me my answer, which was she just wasn't that into me.

 

You stated you can't ignore her because of work projects. It's strange that you met online, yet you seem to work together or go to school together. I would simply stop doing anything that has to do with dating or being in a relationship. Stop texting her. Stop responding to her Facebook comments. Try this for one week. I think she is stringing you along, because let's face it, people don't like to be alone and like the attention. If she is really interested in you, she will pursue after being ignored for a week. She will then become fearful of messing things up or losing you. If she is not really interested, she will simply go away.

 

One week Dude. You can do it. Do not send any of the texts you are considering. Trust me.

 

Hi Jstobo,

 

We met on an online dating site, and ironically we studied the same thing at college at the same school, but never had any classes together. She is a business owner and asked me if I were interested in earning some extra money on the side as a subcontractor. That is how we started working together.

 

I feel like she has been using me, to be honest with you. Even though she is paying me for my work, she is taking advantage of the fact that I like her (she knows that I like her). I have identified this pattern with her, where she will throw in some type of hook followed by a proposal to work on our business venture. For instance, "tennis today (the hook), then working on the business plan?" Of course, we never end up playing tennis. This is something that has happened several times and I can't help but think that she is doing it deliberately.

 

 

She basically only contacts me when she needs something from me (i.e., work on the business venture). She comments on some of my FB messages as well sometimes, when she sees I am out having fun. She will write something like, "Out having fun and you didn't invite me again?"

 

 

I am going to follow your advice buddy about backing off for one week and see what happens. If she is at all into me, she will see that I stopped contacting her, but I doubt she will - she has too many guys all around her.

 

Thanks for your advice, buddy. So you don't think I should send her a message and just get this over with? I am going to follow your advice, either way. I just hate these games.

[jstobo]

Yes, follow my advice. I'm doing the same thing right now. I met a woman online. We have talked on the phone, texted and had our first date, which was Friday. I texted her the next day to ask her out again. She accepted, so I said I would give her a call. I called and got her voicemail. She texted me about 7 hours later saying she got my call and has been working and that she would call me the next day. She called around 3pm, but I missed the call. I called at 4:30 and got her voicemail. That was Sunday (yesterday). I haven't heard anything since. Do I want to text? Yes I do, but I'm sticking to my guns. If she isn't interested, she won't call and I'll just let it go. If she calls, I won't say anything about why she takes so long to get back to me. I'll just pick up where we left off. I'm also not keeping myself from any other opportunities that present themselves.

[Johnny85]

Yes, follow my advice. I'm doing the same thing right now. I met a woman online. We have talked on the phone, texted and had our first date, which was Friday. I texted her the next day to ask her out again. She accepted, so I said I would give her a call. I called and got her voicemail. She texted me about 7 hours later saying she got my call and has been working and that she would call me the next day. She called around 3pm, but I missed the call. I called at 4:30 and got her voicemail. That was Sunday (yesterday). I haven't heard anything since. Do I want to text? Yes I do, but I'm sticking to my guns. If she isn't interested, she won't call and I'll just let it go. If she calls, I won't say anything about why she takes so long to get back to me. I'll just pick up where we left off. I'm also not keeping myself from any other opportunities that present themselves.

 

I am very comfortable doing that as well with someone I have only been on a few dates with. The dilemma here is that we have seen each other more than 10 times and have kissed multiple times. I have allowed myself to get emotionally invested in her. She allows me to kiss her (although we haven't kissed now for soon two weeks (and she has not asked me out). I have given her space, but she isn't really responding to it. All she does is post a comment on my FB which I see as flirting ("going out and not inviting me again?"). Breadcrumbs! When I respond, she basically blows me off or acts indifferent.

[jstobo]

I am very comfortable doing that as well with someone I have only been on a few dates with. The dilemma here is that we have seen each other more than 10 times and have kissed multiple times. I have allowed myself to get emotionally invested in her. She allows me to kiss her (although we haven't kissed now for soon two weeks (and she has not asked me out). I have given her space, but she isn't really responding to it. All she does is post a comment on my FB which I see as flirting ("going out and not inviting me again?"). Breadcrumbs! When I respond, she basically blows me off or acts indifferent.

 

Yes...you are way more emotionally vested than I am. But the same principals apply here. You said yourself...breadcrumbs. You said, you have given her space and she hasn't responded to it. You're definitely getting your answers, which unfortunately says she's not that into you.

 

I'm guessing your last communication with her was Saturday. 5 days to go and you will have your answer. Keep us posted. I'm hoping to hear I am wrong!

[Johnny85]

Yes...you are way more emotionally vested than I am. But the same principals apply here. You said yourself...breadcrumbs. You said, you have given her space and she hasn't responded to it. You're definitely getting your answers, which unfortunately says she's not that into you.

 

I'm guessing your last communication with her was Saturday. 5 days to go and you will have your answer. Keep us posted. I'm hoping to hear I am wrong!

 

I sent her a text on Saturday morning saying, "I asked Siri, and she says that it is your turn to ask me out!

 

Her (Sunday, 30 hours later): Tell Siri I said hi!

I did not respond, and a friend (a cute girl) commented on a FB picture where I am holding two pretty girls (they thought I looked like Prince William) saying, "Johnny, the women freakin' LOVE you!!!"

 

5 minutes later she called me to talk about the business plan (she is paying me, so I answered her call).

 

I just feel like she only texted me cause she needed something from me (once again, the hook was a joke about Siri; she needed me to proof read a document).

 

I just feel as if though she is going to continue leading me on by sending flirtatious FB comments if I don't tell her something (after she has paid me).

 

Is this so bad? haha

 

"Hi name! You know, I am a kind and gentle man, and I don't find it cool that you don't respond to some of my text messages. I am confused, for I feel like I am getting mixed signals from you. I like you, but I don't play games; I would just like an honest answer about whether you're into me or if I should just move on."

[Johnny85]

Heres the deal. Shes not into who you are. Shes slightly physically attracted to you, but you dont make her heart jump for you. Wanna know why? Youre too much into her. You give her no mystery. You arent making her work for your heart, but you sure are working for hers. You dont give a woman gifts to tell her you like her. You dont offer anything but your stunning personality. No gifts, favors, thats what "nice" guys do, and thats why they stay last.

 

When you tell her you like her, you show her you need her, youre KILLING the challenge and attraction for her, because she doesnt need to do any work to earn your affection, which is a complete turnoff to a 25 year old. The handsome friend that she invited to her place? HES the guy that is making her work for him. With him, she is in your situation, and that guy is blowing her off, which brings her back to you. So when she blows you off, its cuz she heard from him. She knows she should be with a good guy like you, but because that guy is making her work for him, (and hes good looking) he makes her heart flutter.

 

If you want to stay a nice guy, then date 33 year olds and up, they appreciate it more with maturity.

 

When your girl saw you having fun without her, with other women around you, its because she thought you didnt NEED her, thats why she turned the heat up on you. Thats what you need to keep doing. Shes young, so you need to act as if shes your little sister. You need to act as if you already have someone hotter that youre already seeing, and maybe you'll give her a chance. It wont be true, but thats how you act. You dont worry about her answering your texts, you jknow she will eventually come looking for you if she doesnt hear from you, she needs her ego boost.

 

You cut your meetings short, dont tell her you like her, let her see you partying with women on facebook, dont answer her comments on facebook, that way she will work for you. You have to pull back and let her come to you. You WILL make her heart jump if you make her work for you, and dont give away that you like her anymore. You have to act as if you found someone better already. Just like she is actually doing. That guy is going to keep blowing her off, so you still have an in, but you have to work carefully with it. Also keep in mind that she might be using you for validation because she might be on the rebound from that other guy. Understand?

 

This is such great advice; I have already done this (I have a pretty active FB profile; not to impress her, but because I go out and have fun and meet new people). She does seem to get jealous when other women flirt with me (or even just talk to me). But I don't want her to be into me because other girls are into me. I want her to like me for me; otherwise, forget it!

 

 

That's why I am proposing to be direct with her, i.e.,

 

"Hi name! You know, I am a kind and gentle man, and I don't find it cool that you don't respond to some of my text messages. I am confused, for I feel like I am getting mixed signals from you. I like you, but I don't play games; I would just like an honest answer about whether you're into me or if I should move on."

 

 

Any way that I can reword this or any recommendations? See, I don;t want to play games; that's not healthy for me.... Either she is into me or she is not! See what I am getting at? After this weekm I don't want to come back to LS and have to ask for more advice about this girl. I don't want to be strung along.

 

 

 

 

What do you guys think about that message?

[Johnny85]

Well guys, just when I was about to do a hail Mary and send her a text asking her out (after giving her plenty of space) she sent me a text:

 

Me: project is done! Send it over to you in an hour!

 

Her: "sweet dude!"

 

Her:"Once it's done we should celebrate by going to the movies or something! I wanna watch 50/50.

 

She clearly knows I like her; so I can't imagine she would be ok with stringing me along asking me to the movies! Knowing that I like her in that way!!! I would think that would make her feel uncomfortable!! What do you guys think??? (Plc read 1st post for background).

 

 

She did call me dude though?? Lol