GG3 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I recently got into a debate with a friend over opposite sex friends when you are in a relationship. Being a woman in a male dominated field, I tended to have some opposite sex "friends" who were either in bad marriages wanting attention and/or were hoping we would eventually be more. A couple of these friendships lasted more than a year. Over time, things happened. Such as in one friendship I just felt uncomfortable and in another the guy finally made a pass at me. I decided for myself that these people were/are not real friends. And have tried to avoid such friendships when I can identify them. My friend that I was debating with said that as long as she has pure intentions in the friendship, that the friendship is okay because she isn't doing anything wrong. Even if she discovers that they are wishing things were more than friends. (and my friend isn't single.) How does everyone else feel about that sort of thing? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Remaining friends with someone who longs for you is cruel IMHO. It's happened to me in the past and I've always told the girl who wanted me that it probably wasn't in her best interest to remain friends. Link to post Share on other sites
A O Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Opposite sex friends are fine. But when they signify that they're interested in being more than just friends with you, and you're in a relationship, then it's best to move on. Especially if this is a work based friendship. Workmates tend to come and go so ditching that friendship should be no big deal. . Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) I work in a male dominated field too and need to initiate and maintain relationships with them in order to do my job. I make it clear (in a nice way) that I don't date co-workers or others that I have business relationships with. It is up to the other person to decide what relationships they can tolerate. I don't self-select for them. If they can't handle being friends with a co-worker they are attracted to, it is up to them to manage that. Not me. What IS up to me is being as gentle as possible when I need to remind them that I don't date co-workers. I've never lost a good business contact over a passing crush. If I'm in a relationship when that happens, I may tell my SO that so-and-so made a pass at me. (Usually it is because I'm pissed that the co-worker did so in spite of my 'rules'... or I need some coaching on how to manage it politically). Most SECURE men will understand that their fine lady will be getting hit on by others... and also understand that if she works in a male dominated field that might happen more often than if she is works around all women. Edited August 16, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife Link to post Share on other sites
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