imjustagirl Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 Most of you know that my boyfriend and I had a "break" about a month ago, but now are back on the mends... Well, before the breakup, it was planned that I was going with him to meet his family. (We'll be going out 10 mths on the 29th of Nov) His family lives about 4-6 hours away, so an overnight stay would have to happen. They know I exist, because when they call I always wave at the phone and he goes "Justa says hi and wishes the best" and they do the same. So I asked yesterday, if we were still on, that way I could let my family know... Turns out, I'm not invited for Thanksgiving, he's planning on drinking with his family (evidently tradition) and going hunting...not in that order (I asked) So...I'm wondering, why am I not invited. I was invited almost a month ago...now yesterday when his sister called him we went through the same "hi" ritual and over the phone you could hear her ask him if we were spending enough time together...I got the "we're talking about you sweetie" squeeze/hug while he was on the phone and the reply of "we should be spending more time together, but school and work just can't cut it" He's come to several of my family functions...on his own. He was invited, but I always gave him the option of either you can attend or not, I'll still love you. Just wondering if you all think it's a little odd I haven't met the family yet or if I'm just overreacting as usual. I should point out that he has taken that long drive home 6-7 times since we've started dating. Thoughts greatly appreciated. ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
WWDDFD Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 While I'm not sure about your situation, as a guy I'd just like to say that I positively dread letting anyone meet my family. Maybe that's because my family is so strange though, but I'd be rather embarassed to bring someone important in my life to a family holiday like this. brother- will intentionally dress in the most strange clothing as possible, probably end up spiking his hair to 12" spikes again, just to show off how not-normal he is brother-in-law- will probably end up getting drunk and then scream at anyone who interrupts the football game mother- will start doing 20-questions (more like 20,000) on whomever I bring grandmother- will get into a fight with anyone when they tell her that alcohol will kill her (she has a liver disease), start crying about how noone loves her anymore, and disown everyone; will intentionally try to make everyone fight against each other for her affections. ... maybe my family is just weird though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imjustagirl Posted November 24, 2003 Author Share Posted November 24, 2003 Could be...but why make plans with you to meet the family (he's done this a couple times now). One time I had mono and couldn't go. Another time, it just wasn't financially smart for the both of us to take off and drive down there...and now.... I guess I'm just confused. Why tell the family I said hi and tell me the family said hi (even not in my presence) and not want me to meet them is totally confusing.... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 does he know that this is something important to you, to be able to spend the holiday with his family after missing out the past several times? we can conjecture why he hasn't asked you, but he's really the only one who can give the real reason talk to him ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author imjustagirl Posted November 24, 2003 Author Share Posted November 24, 2003 I tried talking to him the other night...I got this snicker with the response of "I know you want to meet them hun, and I want you too...." then the ineviable..."one day" Link to post Share on other sites
sean001 Posted November 28, 2003 Share Posted November 28, 2003 I just went through this with my current girlfriend -- we, too, had a "break" for a couple months and just got on the mends a few weeks ago. Before, she always invited me over to meet her family and we made plans to do things. But after a rocky "break" and now with things getting reconciled, I think it is just too much right now. Although I wouldn't want to read into things too much, I would read into it enough to note that this is really a sign that things are still on shaky ground. It was a reality check for me, and I think for my current girlfriend, too. I invited her to come meet my family. She didn't want to go and didn't invite me to do the same, even though she had several times in the past. Why? Obviously, she's still not comfortable with the idea of "us" just yet. And the truth is, maybe your boyfriend is not too comfortable with the idea, either. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraD Posted November 28, 2003 Share Posted November 28, 2003 Hey fellow Nebraskan, I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend isn't being very sensitive about the issue. It sounds like he doesn't realize the importance from your perspective. You said you already talked about it, and he responded with a case-closing style "one day...." response. If you haven't already, I'd try to articulate the reasons why I was confused and disappointed by the missing invitation. Sometimes people don't realize how important certain behaviors/actions are to another, and because they themselves do not see a problem, they don't realize there could be one. Well good luck anyway. I hope you ate well with your family on Thanksgiving! Laura Link to post Share on other sites
Author imjustagirl Posted November 28, 2003 Author Share Posted November 28, 2003 Thanks Laura and everyone. I did actually talk to him on Wednesday (the night he left to see his family) and he mentioned that he and his dad and brother n law would be hunting all thanksgiving morning....reason being I can't go...he didn't want to leave me "alone" with his mom and sister for several hours on the first "meeting." Sounds logical, I suppose. I didn't leave him alone for 15 minutes when he met my family. I just hope that's all it is. I do however, have a completely new issue with him. See, I had to go to the hospital this morning (friday). My doctor believes my nausia and stomach pain is related to my gallbladder (joys of joys). I told him this on Wednesday about the hospital on Friday, and in the midst of talking about other things, he said he was going to call me everyday while he was gone (he's to return tomorrow evening). He called me as promised on Wednesday night when he got there (it's a several hour drive and he was driving at night). We had our normal, miss you, love you, blah blah blah conversation and at the end, he goes..."have a good thanksgiving tomorrow, tell the family I said hi, and I will call you in the evening to see how things went..." Okay, Thursday evening came and went...and it's almost 4:30 my time...and I still haven't heard a word from him. A little angry...mhmm. So the question today is...do I have every right to be angry at this man I love with all my heart because he missed a phone call, even tho he PROMISED that he'd call everynight he was gone and was coming back to ME on Saturday afternoon (first thing I do when I hit town babe, is stop by your place, give you a great big hug and tell you I love you so much). (cheesy I know, but I got this from the almost very beginning, his affection towards me). And, what do I say to him when/if he does decide to call tonight. Thanks! ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
LauraD Posted November 29, 2003 Share Posted November 29, 2003 Justa, I am a little late, but I think you should let it go. Believe me, I don't let anything slide either, because just about any disappointment with my boyfriend felt so important and so worthy of a cause to fight about. But seriously, you've got to pick your battles. I bet you anything he was just having a nice time with the dudes in his family, doing the guy things. I assume you guys are in college, and if he's been away from his family, it seems natural to me that he'd want to spend some quality time, no distractions. What happened though? And how are you doing? I hope better ... it is never fun to be unwell. Laura Link to post Share on other sites
Author imjustagirl Posted November 30, 2003 Author Share Posted November 30, 2003 Laura, Thanks for your reply. I've actually been better. They still think it's my gallbladder, test showed that my gallbladder was slightly enlarged, so I guess I'll just wait for what my doc has to say. On top of it, I'm cramping (periods...ugh!) and i've got a cold. yay. As for about me and my boyfriend. You're right, I need to pick my battles. I've been seriously gunshy since he broke up with me because everyone has been pushing marriage except the two of us. Everything he does, I'm like "oh my god, he's breaking up with me." As for his reaction to not calling on Thanksgiving...he said his cell phone was dead and didn't want to wrack up his sisters long distance bill calling....but he didn't call yesterday either, I had to call him. Now today, he's was supposed to be on his way home before lunch (4 hour drive)...he decided to take an 8 hour side trip to go see his brother...meaning he won't even think about getting back to nebraska until after midnight. I should mention that he said that we were going to keep celebrating anniversarys...and today would be our 10 month one. Your question about college...I graduated 2 years ago, he just decided that he should try again (I'm 23 and he's 24). He see's his family almost every 2 months, so I don't know if that's part of it or not. Oooh well....off to do laundry and get some nose medicine all that fun jazz....have a good one. Btw...where at in nebraska are u from? Link to post Share on other sites
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