miscarriage

[blackwidow290]

I had a medical emergency a few days ago and told my boyfriend of about a year about it. after going to the doctor, i discovered that i had been pregnant and the agonizing physical episode had been a miscarriage. my problem is that after i had told my partner how serious my condition had been, he didn't contact me aferwrds on a daily basis to ask how i am doing. i feel that he's a lousy partner i thanked him for his concern, he said he was just about to contact me and had been thinkig bout it. he replied immediately meaning he could have easily asked a simple how are you at any point during that day. like i said, I feel that he's a lousy partner and I can''t get myself to even respond to him anymore. aren't you supposed to check on a daily basis how your partner is doing if they tell u they had an excruciating experience? i just feel like he didnt take what i said seriously enough and that he probably doesnt care as much as he should. i just cant make myself talk to him. what do u think?

[Lucky_One]

Pregnancies and miscarriages are very hormonal events for women, and your feelings of rejection might be heightened right now. I wouldn't advise any woman to make serious decisions immediately following a miscarriage, as it takes time for your hormone levels to normalize.

 

That said, yes, he is not being supportive or caring of your needs right now.

 

On the other hand, he was just handed a very big piece of information (he impregnated you, and the pregnancy failed). Just like you, he was handed a loss of a possible dream and was handed a wake-up call that he nearly had a lifetime commitment to another human being, possibly before he was ready for it.

 

He had a lot to handle and process, as well. Many men process internally, and many like to do that alone. I have a married friend whose husband completely withdrew during the loss of their first pregnancy; he was so excited and was completely devastated when she miscarried.

 

In a perfect world, he would be beside you, fixing you a cup of tea and running you a warm bath. And I wish he was; I am sure you need that. But he may be working out some issues in his own mind.

 

That said, follow your doctor's directives, and make sure that you are using a good form of birth control for the next few months at least (if you are actively trying to get pregnant).

 

(((((blackwidow)))))

[stillafool]

You are right to feel the way you do. Afterall, it was his baby you would think he would feel some loss as well and would want to come over and be with you, take care of you. I probably wouldn't feel the same about him again, but that's just me.

[sm1tten]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear of your experience. I had a similar one. However, I think that perhaps the two of you are coping in different ways. I personally withdrew and wanted to be left alone, for example - my ex wanted to talk about it. Don't get caught up in how he or you is "supposed" to react or respond to painful experiences like these. If you are feeling that he is not being supportive enough, then you should tell him how you feel.