therollingstone Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 i started dating this girl like two months ago. we did date briefly last year when we first met then she broke it off. then months later she came back into my life, i was hesitant at first but here we are, dating again, kinda just happened. anyway, she is and has always been a very busy girl. when she's not in school, she works and quite often she travels home to visit family. we usually manage to see eachother once a week. we're not officially bf and gf but we are exclusive (haven't talked about it but danced around the topic) and we are intimate. my problem is that i dont know if she's really that busy or not interested enough. we haven't seen eachother now for 3 weeks as she's been traveling those weekends and working overtime during the weekdays so that she can take the friday of for traveling. but she doesn't say she miss me and if a girl likes a man she'll make time for him, right? im usually the one who have iniate contact and suggest a date,sometimes i'll ask, sometimes i'll just tell her. and when i text her (we mostly text) to try and set up a day to see eachother she's always busy but will end the text with something like 'maybe this weekend?' or 'how about x day?'. what's up with asking me rather than just telling me when she's free. and she very rarely text or call me just to ask how my day was or things like that. though if i do that, she always answers gladly and asks me back but i feel like i might come off as needy if im always the one initiating contact. though she is a passive girl. if i ask her something trivial like what she wants to watch on the tele she always say 'you decide' or something along those lines. and she rarely calls her friends, they always call her. so she seems to be one of those girls who expect the man to lead and take the iniative in most if not all things or am i just making excuses for her? but when we do meet up she's always kissing me, is very affectionate, wants to cuddle, tells me she feels safe in my arms, cooks for me, buys me little stuff like candy or magazines. talks about stuff we should do in the near future. trying to wrap my head around this one. always busy, doesn't initiate contact, doesn't seem to mind just seeing me once a week or less but acts like she's a loving girlfriend when we do meet up. so, experts. she's busy or she's stringing me along? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Remember when little girls played 'house' and 'doctor'? Well maybe not because I'm an old fart ....anyway, that's what this one sounds like. She's playing a role as practice for the real thing. Perhaps that sounds odd but that's how reading the OP struck me. When she first 'broke it off', was there any discussion? If yes, what about? My second instinct is that you are some kind of placeholder. That one isn't as strong though. IME, being passive is generally a passport to solitude *unless* you're superficially attractive; then, you get attention regardless, although not always the healthiest kinds. Does your erstwhile GF fit this description? Would she turn most men's heads, single or married, when she walked into the room? Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 She might be using you for a rebound. Dont get attached to her until she gets attached to you. If she isnt asking you about your day shes asking someone. Could be a guy shes working on, could be her girlfriend. She may be like me, I dont care for good morning texts, even if i like someone. She could be testing you. Assume everything she is doing is a text. if you want her to contact you more, then you have to contact her less. Also assume shes not that interested, and she could be using you for sex, and has no plans on giving you her heart. But its only been a couple months. If you want to go long term, you have to wait a few more months for her to grow attachment. Like 6 more months. BTW, if she doesnt tell you how hot you are, expect to get dumped by someone she finds attractive physically. Do you know if she went straight from a long term relationship to you? Thats bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author therollingstone Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Remember when little girls played 'house' and 'doctor'? Well maybe not because I'm an old fart ....anyway, that's what this one sounds like. She's playing a role as practice for the real thing. Perhaps that sounds odd but that's how reading the OP struck me. When she first 'broke it off', was there any discussion? If yes, what about? My second instinct is that you are some kind of placeholder. That one isn't as strong though. IME, being passive is generally a passport to solitude *unless* you're superficially attractive; then, you get attention regardless, although not always the healthiest kinds. Does your erstwhile GF fit this description? Would she turn most men's heads, single or married, when she walked into the room? Welcome to LS Thank you. Learning how to quote properly. When she broke it off we didn't really discuss anything. I guess she wasn't in love. I never begged nor cried (though she did cry quite a bit) and I told her this is sad but it's not the end of the world but also that she won't be hearing from me again. Months later she wanted to meet and I said we can catch up, which we did. Then she wanted to meet again, which we did. Just talking and laughing. Then I texted her a couple of times on the weekends to come over (to have sex, obviously but without saying it). She resisted but came over once. After that a month or so passed by but we met up again and just went straight into kissing and cuddling mode. After that we sort of just started dating again. But the spark between us was always there. Yes, she's a very attractive girl, in the jessica alba 'im a small innocent cute girl' kind of way. Very feminine. I will have to add without coming across as arrogant that I too am an attractive man and do turn heads. She might be using you for a rebound. Dont get attached to her until she gets attached to you. If she isnt asking you about your day shes asking someone. Could be a guy shes working on, could be her girlfriend. She may be like me, I dont care for good morning texts, even if i like someone. She could be testing you. Assume everything she is doing is a text. if you want her to contact you more, then you have to contact her less. Also assume shes not that interested, and she could be using you for sex, and has no plans on giving you her heart. But its only been a couple months. If you want to go long term, you have to wait a few more months for her to grow attachment. Like 6 more months. BTW, if she doesnt tell you how hot you are, expect to get dumped by someone she finds attractive physically. Do you know if she went straight from a long term relationship to you? Thats bad news. She finds me highly attractive, you will have to trust me on that. Physically atleast. She's only had one relationship in her life, whom she dumped when she moved to this city to study. This was a 3 years ago though. She must've dated a couple of guys here atleast but no relationship. Edited July 4, 2011 by therollingstone Link to post Share on other sites
Author therollingstone Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Noone here has been through the same deal with a girl like this? I'm busy during the days but as soon as I hit the bed this girl is doing my head in. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRussian8080 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 "always busy, doesn't initiate contact, doesn't seem to mind just seeing me once a week or less but acts like she's a loving girlfriend when we do meet up." - re-read that many times and ask your self if this is what you want long term.... I say dump her and don't take her back again bro. Link to post Share on other sites
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