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Approaching an old crush through Facebook...


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Old 10th June 2011, 1:38 PM   #1
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Approaching an old crush through Facebook...

OK...I've got myself in a difficult situation and maybe some of you can help.

I found one of my old crushes on Facebook and I sent her a message. I had thought about her for many years and looks like she hadn't joined Facebook until just recently. So naturally, I was pretty excited. My message said this:

"I hope you don't mind me asking you a question, but where do I know you from? You look familiar and I swear I've seen you before - did you happen to go to (college name)? You keep showing up in my "suggested friends" box because your friends are friends with my friends..." As you can see, I tried to play it cool and act like I sort of knew her.

She wrote back and said something along of the lines of "hmmm I don't know you but I go to (college name)....maybe you know me from the coffee shop I used to work at on campus" It was a nice reply.

I replied back and wasn't flirtatious or creepy or anything like that...just general conversation. She didn't write back.

It's been about a 2 months since that exchange and I have no idea how to approach writing her back. Obviously, I don't want to be creepy or pushy. Her profile is pretty restrictive but judging from the photos she uses for her profile pic she's doesn't seem to have a boyfriend.

Is there anything I can do or write to get this in motion? I don't feel like asking her to be my "friend".

Any suggestions?
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Old 10th June 2011, 1:42 PM   #2
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Have you got mutual friends who could invite you both to a party?
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Old 10th June 2011, 1:48 PM   #3
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Funny you should ask that.

I know one of her friends and asked her to be my friend on Facebook and for whatever reason she rejected me! This was a long time ago. The likelihood of us meeting at a party is slim to none since we live on opposite sides of the state.

The thing is, I just want to communicate with her just to see what she is like. I have no problem backing off if she isn't my type.
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Old 24th September 2012, 3:10 AM   #4
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Sorry for the massive bump....I forgot about this site and this post until now. I really want to revisit this...so maybe a few of you can assist me.

Something very odd happened this weekend.

I actually met one her friends today at a wine tasting meet and greet thing in the town that she lives in. My buddy and I were talking to this girl and she happened to go to the same university as me, knows her, and is still friends with her. I'll save the details about how she was brought up in our conversations...but I tried to contain my excitement when I found out.

So I get on Facebook, and add her as friend and she accepts. I then go and check my crush's page, and I was able to see all of her photos (apparently, I needed to be friends with her friend in order to see her entire profile).

Then...my heart sank.

She is dating someone...but it looks like they haven't been dating for long.

I guess I don't know where to go from here. Bottom line, this is my college crush and I want to meet her just once. I don't want to interfere with her relationship...I don't want to disrespect anyone. I think what I want to do is harmless but just too hard to hide.

Lost..confused...just looking for someone advice....
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Old 24th September 2012, 8:43 AM   #5
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Just forget her bro. Theres more women out there. Don't obsess over just one.
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Old 24th September 2012, 9:31 AM   #6
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Thanks - but that's just so much easier said than done!

I do have a semi date/meetup with a girl who is about 9 years younger than me this week for dinner. I believe in keeping my options option and we'll see how this get together goes.
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Old 24th September 2012, 10:04 AM   #7
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Just let'er go. I mean, her not remembering you at all the first time is like ouch. Did you date her at one point or just crush on her?
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Old 24th September 2012, 10:22 AM   #8
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I never dated her. I have never spoken to her. She wouldn't know me out of crowd. Here's how the crush formed....

My roommate was really good friends with one of her friends way back. We were at a party when I saw her for the first time. I was way too cowardly to talk her. After the party, I saw her many times in our college's cafeteria. Every time seemed like a terrible time to talk to her.

I then met some girl and started dating her, so I couldn't really pursue her anymore.
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Old 24th September 2012, 10:30 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orionboxing View Post
Here's how the crush formed....
It isn't a crush. It is an obsession. HOW the crush developed is irrelevant. We don't care but since you outline its genesis, shows how obsessed you are.

You have idealized this girl and - for all intents and purposes - stalked her via Facebook.

Seriously; what others have said. Let her go.
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Old 24th September 2012, 10:37 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by CarrieT View Post
It isn't a crush. It is an obsession. HOW the crush developed is irrelevant. We don't care but since you outline its genesis, shows how obsessed you are.

You have idealized this girl and - for all intents and purposes - stalked her via Facebook.

Seriously; what others have said. Let her go.
You couldn't be more wrong. Using your logic, wanting to meet someone (ANYONE) is psychotic behavior.
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Old 24th September 2012, 10:51 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by orionboxing View Post
You couldn't be more wrong. Using your logic, wanting to meet someone (ANYONE) is psychotic behavior.
I didn't say psychotic - you did.

I am inferring an obsession because you started a thread about this girl over a year ago and have come back to it which denotes an unhealthy amount of energy being given to someone you don't know.

You are being given advice from a handful of people and are choosing to ignore it? That also denotes an obsession...
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Old 24th September 2012, 11:24 AM   #12
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This is a tough situation. You cannot talk to her randomly on Facebook anymore as it just becomes quite creepy as you arent even remotely friends.

If there is no way of you figuring out where she hangs out and casually bumping into her then I would say that this is a lost cause.
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Old 24th September 2012, 12:17 PM   #13
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Well, I'm technically now Facebook friends with a good friend of hers. That would be my only way in. But yes, you are correct, it's going to be tough.

I'll let you know, however, that I've pulled off more difficult tasks of courtship. It was a situation close to this where I knew the girl, she didn't know me, and we met blindly at a bar after I cold emailed her.

I won her over that night...and I'd say that night went pretty well
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Old 24th September 2012, 12:36 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by heather_1 View Post
This is a tough situation. You cannot talk to her randomly on Facebook anymore as it just becomes quite creepy as you arent even remotely friends.

If there is no way of you figuring out where she hangs out and casually bumping into her then I would say that this is a lost cause.
Let me shed some light - I tried the Facebook route with a girl and failed miserably. It was a last resort type deal, but I didn't write a strange message like, "Do you know who this? Do you remember me?" That's just odd. You should have introduced yourself: "Hi Jane, This is Jack. We went to school together. I saw you on here and thought it would be great to connect. Cheers! Jack." It comes off innocent and most likely she would have wanted to be friends on Facebook.
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Old 24th September 2012, 1:11 PM   #15
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Her response to my initial message wasn't strange...and my actual message to her wasn't creepy...rather innocent. I just felt neutral was the best route.

I plan on updating this thread to let everyone know how this (or if this) ever amounts to anything.
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