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He's ignoring me after a fight - what do I do?? :(


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Old 15th May 2011, 9:26 PM   #1
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Unhappy He's ignoring me after a fight - what do I do?? :(

I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He was my best friend before that and we've been really happy; especially lately.. Or so I thought.

The week before last, everything was great. We were laughing and flirting and pretty much happy like usual. Before I went home on Friday, his mood suddenly shifted. He suddenly became quiet and seemed unhappy. Nothing had happened to cause it that I know of so I just said goodbye and promised to text him later.

The next day I texted him. He sent back very short replies to everything I said and was a little rude. I just figured he was having a bad day so, again, I said goodbye and gave him space. I didn't see him until Monday. He was extremely distant and cold to me. This lasted all week and I noticed I was the only person being treated this way. I asked him about it one day and he refused to talk about it.

Later that day I sent him a text asking what was up. He ignored me (he has done this before. When we have a problem he ignores me instead of talking about it.) So this really hits a nerve for me when he does this. Then I was an idiot and lost my temper. I accused him of using me and basically more craziness like that. I finally got a response when he got angry about my accusations.

I realized I was an idiot and went on to try to apologize. He is my world and I told him how sincerely sorry I was. He continued to ignore me until he finally told me to leave him alone but that he didn't wan't to break up. But it wasn't exactly in a nice way... I apologized one more time and did what he asked.

The next day when I saw him, he was still cold and ignored me. He did say a few things to me about a project that was due, but nothing too warm and fuzzy. He mostly avoided me.

This is his last week of school before he graduates so I wanted to make up by this week. I have not bothered him since Friday when he told me he needed space except about 5 minutes ago I just sent him a text "Hi". He hasn't responded and probably won't. He is my world and I am extremely upset by this. He is my best friend and I just want things to be ok and for him to be happy.

What's my best option about what to do?? And why was he mad at me in the first place???
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Old 15th May 2011, 9:37 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marbai View Post
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He was my best friend before that and we've been really happy; especially lately.. Or so I thought.

The week before last, everything was great. We were laughing and flirting and pretty much happy like usual. Before I went home on Friday, his mood suddenly shifted. He suddenly became quiet and seemed unhappy. Nothing had happened to cause it that I know of so I just said goodbye and promised to text him later.

The next day I texted him. He sent back very short replies to everything I said and was a little rude. I just figured he was having a bad day so, again, I said goodbye and gave him space. I didn't see him until Monday. He was extremely distant and cold to me. This lasted all week and I noticed I was the only person being treated this way. I asked him about it one day and he refused to talk about it.

Later that day I sent him a text asking what was up. He ignored me (he has done this before. When we have a problem he ignores me instead of talking about it.) So this really hits a nerve for me when he does this. Then I was an idiot and lost my temper. I accused him of using me and basically more craziness like that. I finally got a response when he got angry about my accusations.

I realized I was an idiot and went on to try to apologize. He is my world and I told him how sincerely sorry I was. He continued to ignore me until he finally told me to leave him alone but that he didn't wan't to break up. But it wasn't exactly in a nice way... I apologized one more time and did what he asked.

The next day when I saw him, he was still cold and ignored me. He did say a few things to me about a project that was due, but nothing too warm and fuzzy. He mostly avoided me.

This is his last week of school before he graduates so I wanted to make up by this week. I have not bothered him since Friday when he told me he needed space except about 5 minutes ago I just sent him a text "Hi". He hasn't responded and probably won't. He is my world and I am extremely upset by this. He is my best friend and I just want things to be ok and for him to be happy.

What's my best option about what to do?? And why was he mad at me in the first place???
Well unfortunately nobody here will have any idea as to why he's mad at you; only he knows that, and apparently he's not talkin'.

Best friends don't play head games and go all passive-aggressive with the rude and immature silent treatment. That's nothing but a brain-phock, if you ask me.

Stop apologizing, you have nothing to apologize for because he's been too rude and immature or man enough to actually tell you.

There is nothing more rude than to go cold and distant and keep your partner twisting in the wind, and in the dark about what's up their a$s.

Would you treat him this way if he'd done something to p1$$ you off? I'm guessing no.

Don't make excuses for his horrible behavior.

Stop apologizing.

Stop trying to contact him, he clearly doesn't deserve your attention at this time.

I don't know what else to tell you? ...okay, maybe this. Until he can act like an adult and apologize for his rude and nasty behavior, leave him be to stew in his own juices. No texts, no emails, no calls, no smoke signals, no nothing. We teach people how to treat us by what we will or will not tolerate.

Last edited by ladyinlimbo; 15th May 2011 at 9:39 PM..
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Old 15th May 2011, 9:44 PM   #3
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ladyinlimbo - That's pretty much what my logical mind is telling me. It's just hard for me to accept that our year long relationship can be ruined with just one week of his pissiness.

I would rather not break up with him. I'd rather give him a chance to get over whatever the hell this is.

My main question is if I should try to contact him? Should I talk to him during the day or should I keep giving him space and totally ignoring him?
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Old 15th May 2011, 9:48 PM   #4
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Hmmm ... I believe there are times when someone just needs a little time and space but I also think there should be an explanation. Yes, you pushed it a little but he was flat out rude about it to begin with.

Not much you can do but sit and wait until he decides he wants to be honest with you or you can just go ahead and move on.
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Old 15th May 2011, 10:03 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marbai View Post
ladyinlimbo - That's pretty much what my logical mind is telling me. It's just hard for me to accept that our year long relationship can be ruined with just one week of his pissiness.

I would rather not break up with him. I'd rather give him a chance to get over whatever the hell this is.

My main question is if I should try to contact him? Should I talk to him during the day or should I keep giving him space and totally ignoring him?
Nobody says you must break up with him or that your relationship is automatically over....but that being said, you don't deserve his abusive (and yes, it's abusive; emotionally and psychologically) behavior.

If he wants his damn space, yep, you give it to him. Lots of it.

And NO, do not keep trying to contact him. What is the point? So he gets the impression that he can treat you like crap and that you'll just keep coming around for more? No.

Focus now not on how much he's your whole world and you love him....but focus on loving YOURSELF and standing up for yourself when you're being mistreated. If you keep trying to contact him, keep apologizing, you're sending him a loud and clear message that this kind of crap is okay with you.........and he'll do it again in the future.

I know how difficult it is to stop yourself from trying to reach out to someone who's giving you the cold shoulder/silent treatment.....oh BELIEVE ME I do!.....my ex was like that......and when he would, I would cry and apologize (not even really knowing what i was apologizing for but I guess for whatever it was I'd done or said that made him treat me like that)...and beg him to just talk.......to just tell me what was wrong. I remember one time it was like I had an out of body experience, seriously.....and I could hear the pathetic words coming from my mouth, begging him yet again to talk to me, to stop ignoring me...........and I felt I'd lost all of my dignity and like it was 'someone else' who was groveling and begging and pleading. It kind of dawned on me how pathetic I was being, all for someone who didn't deserve to lick my boots.....and i finally just left his place and drove home....but then I was overwhelmed with guilt and being that I'm a peacekeeper and someone who hates to fight, I stupidly drove back over there for round 2. I cried all the way there because I knew in my heart that I was acting like a fool and like someone who had lost all of their dignity....and I cried not because of him but because I felt so ashamed of myself for being so weak and for taking so much crap.

You gotta stand up for yourself. Get busy. Keep occupied. Focus on the fact that no man or person on this planet should treat you or anyone like this and that you will not sit idly by, waiting for the phone to ring.

You gotta be tough.

This doesn't mean it's the end. If it's meant to be it's not going to be over........but you gotta find a way to stick to your guns and show him that his behavior is childish and unacceptable.

Seriously.
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Old 15th May 2011, 10:14 PM   #6
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Ugh I hate conflict.. But yah I haven't done anything wrong. And if I have then he needs to tell me what it is because I can't begin to make it right unless I know what's bothering him.

I guess I'll just give him space... I just wanted to do SOMETHING because, like I said, this is his last week before he graduates so it's kind of the last time I'll see him on a consistent basis... And if we're still not talking by the time he leaves, then we're pretty much screwed...
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Old 15th May 2011, 10:19 PM   #7
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I had a close friend who did this, about once a month. I couldn't ignore her; it just wasn't in my nature.

So what I did was treat her exactly the same. If she didn't respond, I'd just do my own thing. I didn't let her pissy attitude affect my mood or behaviour, I didn't even seem like she was any different. If anything, I was happier and more outgoing as I sought ways to replace her companionship.

I would call her up and ask if she wanted to go out. If not, I'd express regret, in a positive way of course, "Maybe next week!" and just hang up.

I would continue cracking jokes and having fun. When she felt like she wanted to be my friend again, I would continue embracing her.
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Old 15th May 2011, 10:23 PM   #8
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What do you mean that he graduates in a week and that you then won't see him very consistently? Where is he going? Starting a new job that will take up all of his time? How will him graduating in a week impact things, can you explain?
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Old 15th May 2011, 10:36 PM   #9
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What I mean is that I won't see him. He gets sick a lot and his family is having issues so I barely see him outside of school anymore since about New Year's - even when we aren't fighting or anything. I feel like if we never see eachother then there's really no opportunity to talk things out since he's ignoring virtual communication. At least if he ignores me face to face I could gauge how mad he is by his facial expressions...
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Old 15th May 2011, 10:53 PM   #10
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He just sent me a message that he's busy but he'll text me later... That seems like a good sign but I'm not gonna push it.

Btw, thank you everyone. This place is full of great people
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Old 16th May 2011, 2:23 PM   #11
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It sounds like his coldness has nothing to do with you but there is something going on with him that he needs to work out.....and what are you apologizing for??? you did nothing wrong in my opininion...I would just ignore him and tell him when he's done acting like a spoild little girl to give you a call..........
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Old 16th May 2011, 2:32 PM   #12
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He might have some serious things going on his side. Even though it is not logical of him to tell his loved one about it, you can't expect people to be logical all the time. His behaviour screams like "Leave me alone!" so let him be. After he resolves whatever is going on with his life, he will definitely miss you and come back to you.
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Old 16th May 2011, 2:57 PM   #13
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Break it off with him, and tell him if he decides he wants to be with you, then you'll consider it if you're not dating anyone. Do it with a text message...he'll definitely stop ignoring you, immediately.
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Old 16th May 2011, 3:40 PM   #14
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Like others have said, most likely it doesn't have much to do with you but with him being under huge amounts of stress realizing his life is gonna change, combined with family problems. By losing it and causing drama you made it worse instead of supporting him, and he'll need some time to forgive you for that. My guess is things are gonna be fine, he will just try to sort out his life problems first then come back to you. If you like him and want to continue the relationship, give him some time and you'll be fine. If you want to be "right", treated like a princess or a bf who is on his best behavior 100% of the time without exceptions, then, as another poster said,
Quote:
Break it off with him, and tell him if he decides he wants to be with you, then you'll consider it if you're not dating anyone. Do it with a text message...he'll definitely stop ignoring you, immediately.
(I'd bet a serious amount of money that he won't want you back if you do that)
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Old 16th May 2011, 3:51 PM   #15
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My post had nothing to do with her being treated like a princess or whatever. It's about not being in limbo, wondering where she stands. It's giving her boyfriend space, without being run through the emotional ringer.

You could possibly be right, Jynxx, but it's much more likely that he's detaching himself so that he can break up with her.

Last edited by iJester; 16th May 2011 at 3:54 PM..
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