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Would appreciate a female perspective!


Imajerk17

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Backstory: I dated a girl very briefly a year ago. As in met her online, and actually travelled to see her. :eek:

 

Anyway, the last we communicated was around Christmastime. I sent her an email wishing her a Merry Christmas congratulating her for graduating from her PhD program, and she wrote back. (I got the feeling her response was more a "polite" than a sign of interest for me.) That was it.

 

Current: Her birthday is coming up again, and I am wondering how she is doing. I am wondering whether I should

 

(a) call her on her birthday wishing her a happy birthday, or

(b) send her an email instead.

 

See the thing is, I haven't talked to her in over a year--our only communication was that email exchange over Christmas. She could be in another relationship right now for all I know. I also don't want to come across as weird stalker-boy either. I mean, it's been over a year, we only saw each other once, and I am remembering her birthday. Could be considered sweet or weird.

 

Honestly, I was clearly the more interested one in our relationship too...

 

Fire away!

Edited by Imajerk17
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Did you respond to that last email she sent back?

If you did and didn't get anything back from her, she probably was being polite.

 

All I can tell you is that if someone really wants to be with you, they will move mountains to reach out to you- and she hasn't done that.

 

Personally, I would leave it be and not wish her a happy birthday.

 

Did you guys end badly? Are you hoping to get back with her?

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Did you respond to that last email she sent back?

If you did and didn't get anything back from her, she probably was being polite.

 

All I can tell you is that if someone really wants to be with you, they will move mountains to reach out to you- and she hasn't done that.

 

Personally, I would leave it be and not wish her a happy birthday.

 

Did you guys end badly? Are you hoping to get back with her?

 

Thanks D-Lish. Yeah I did respond, although it was a month later. I was out of town a lot, and her response to me seemed just "polite".

 

It didn't end badly per se, I was the more interested one though.

 

I am thinking of sending an email.... but I'm not sure. I could be convinced not to do anything.

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whichwayisup

Send the email with no expectations or hope. Do it because you remembered it's her birthday and it may put a smile on her face. But with that said, don't be upset or disappointed if she doesn't respond or if she does, it's just polite again.

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Sorry to intrude, but I felt like I had to give some unsolicited advice. In my male perspective... "what do you have to lose?"

 

If you aren't talking to each other right now, might as well call her the day before, as she'll probably be swamped with calls on her birthday and won't have as much patience to talk with you then.

 

Just rehearse the conversation a little bit in your head before doing so, as it looks like you're trying to rekindle an old flame there, and you won't accomplish much just with a generic "hey I've been thinking about you these days, how are you doing?".

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Send her a picture of your penis. I heard that works great.

 

If you want to rekindle the flame, I say forget it. But I'm sort of the social type person, so I would send her a hello how are you communication once in a while. Even if to maintain a barely friends type of association. Why not? Email is free, and it takes only a couple of minutes to write something.

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You know I am still leaning towards doing something...:laugh:

 

But I'm not unreasonable here. I not positive either way. I like the differing opinions coming in.

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whichwayisup
Sorry to intrude, but I felt like I had to give some unsolicited advice. In my male perspective... "what do you have to lose?"

 

If you aren't talking to each other right now, might as well call her the day before, as she'll probably be swamped with calls on her birthday and won't have as much patience to talk with you then.

 

Just rehearse the conversation a little bit in your head before doing so, as it looks like you're trying to rekindle an old flame there, and you won't accomplish much just with a generic "hey I've been thinking about you these days, how are you doing?".

 

No, he shouldn't call. Email is it, since the last email exchange was at Christmas and they haven't spoken face to face or on the phone in a while. Also, if she isn't interested and they talk on the phone it might be uncomfortable and weird. Email is simple.

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So are you thinking of emailing because you want to see if there is a possibility of getting back together?

 

Well I'd just like to be back in contact with her, even if it is just friends. I certainly wouldn't object to more. Does that answer your question?

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If she has texting, why don't you text her a happy birthday text. If you're looking to rekindle an old flame or be friends again tell her that you hope she has a great day, and to call you sometime.

 

If not..just say "happy bday." or don't do anything.

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Eddie Edirol

If she wasnt that interested a year ago, there was a reason, and she will remember what it is about you that turned her off. You can send all the emails you want, she most likely wont be interested, so you really have nothing to lose by trying.

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Eternal Sunshine
If she wasnt that interested a year ago, there was a reason, and she will remember what it is about you that turned her off. You can send all the emails you want, she most likely wont be interested, so you really have nothing to lose by trying.

 

Except for being the guy who just can't get the hint :(

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Thanks for the perspective everyone. I have been wondering how my contacting her would come across from her end, which is why I posted. I realize that it might come across as if I'm not getting the hint, and whether it would be weird that I even still remember her birthday. Then again I was hoping that it might come across as a nice gesture

 

It still feels weird not acknowledging someone's birthday too tho.

 

I might send an email, still not sure yet.

Edited by Imajerk17
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Eternal Sunshine
Thanks for the perspective everyone. I have been wondering how my contacting her would come across too, which is why I posted. I realize that it might come across as if I'm not getting the hint, and whether it would be weird that I even remember her birthday.

 

It still feels weird not acknowledging someone's birthday too tho. :/

 

It only feels weird because you are crushing on her. I bet that you have tons of random friends and their bdays don't even cross your mind. You are looking for an excuse to contact her and hope it will lead somewhere...

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It only feels weird because you are crushing on her. I bet that you have tons of random friends and their bdays don't even cross your mind. You are looking for an excuse to contact her and hope it will lead somewhere...

 

 

Sure. I freely admit that. We've all been there before though.

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Eternal Sunshine
Sure. I freely admit that. We've all been there before though.

 

 

Yep, been there too. Never, ever led to anything but feeling foolish afterwards.

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