Options are bad?

[fishtaco]

One of my friends read this thing where the gist of it is that in the modern world, we have more options than ever before. But having so many options actually makes us unhappy, because we'd be preoccupied with trying to choose the best option.

 

I wonder if that's what happening with me. I was a dorky nice guy at one point. Unsurprisingly, I couldn't get much going with the ladies. Then I changed. I improved my looks, my style, my social skills, my social circle, my game, my attitude, my confidence, everything I could think of (well to some of my long time friends, they think I've regressed in certain qualities, like for example, I play mind games now, but dammit it works!). And so as a result, I'm enjoying a lot more successes and have a lot more options now.

 

But... then I became picky. I could have a girlfriend by the end of this week if I wanted to. And they're probably women that I would have happily dated during my younger days (that is if we all back up 10 years). But now, I see them, and I think they're great, but I'm also thinking, I can do better. Bash me all you want, but if you do that, you're also bashing everyone that says they don't want to settle; you're bashing on everyone that has ever told anyone thanks but no thanks. There's been numerous posts about that on LS.

 

One of the women from my recent past, is a personality girl. I slept with her, but we were never exclusive, on my side, and I was 100% honest about it. That's part of my game, I do what I do, if you're on board, let's go, if not, it's cool, let's be friends, don't be surprised if I hit up on your friend, but I don't lie. We had a lot of fun, with clothes on too. Eventually she moved on, and now she is happy with a pretty good guy as boyfriend. I like him, we all hang out pretty often. But me, I'm still whoring myself around in the single scene. In fact just this past week I told someone thanks but no thanks, and someone told me thanks but no thanks. And the gear of life keeps turning.

 

I think like this every time I get tired. It takes a lot of energy to keep churning and to keep holding your head up high above the water with your self esteem intact.

 

So is having more options a good thing? I'm not so sure now. Seemed like a good idea on paper. But I can't un-experience what I have experienced. Even with my doubts I can't go back to my old self. It just feels wrong to artificially limit my options. Quote from Beavis and Butthead - I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good.

 

So I'd say having more options does bring more headaches. I don't know what the solution is, but it's certainly not going backwards and limiting your options. Maybe it's just a simple case of me wanting to have the cake and eat it too. I'll get out of this funk, soon I hope.

[daphne]

I think I agree with you. Too many options can make anyone take the quality ones for granted. If your goal is to find a long term relationship, then you might want to focus on the must haves in a girl and stop looking for the bigger better deal.

[Untouchable_Fire]

\

So I'd say having more options does bring more headaches. I don't know what the solution is, but it's certainly not going backwards and limiting your options. Maybe it's just a simple case of me wanting to have the cake and eat it too. I'll get out of this funk, soon I hope.

 

I'd say the problem is your options are crap.

 

If you play games and she doesn't boot you square out of her life... she isn't worth it.

 

Fact is that our options are more limited than ever before. It used to be 100 girls in a town to pick from. Now it's 10,000... but also 10,000 guys to compete with. Most of those 10,000 women treat dating like shopping and just hop from one bed to the next looking for a bigger better deal. So most of them are not worth two squirts.

 

Bottom line.... if you just down to swap STD's... this is your decade, enjoy! If you are looking for something deeper that will last... you have nothing but disappointment awaiting you.

[daphne]

Bottom line.... if you just down to swap STD's... this is your decade, enjoy!

 

This made me giggle. And hold back tears at hte same time because it's probably why I'm single. Not down with the std singles scene and free love hippy sh###

[Untouchable_Fire]

This made me giggle. And hold back tears at hte same time because it's probably why I'm single. Not down with the std singles scene and free love hippy sh###

 

That's pretty much how I feel about it too.

 

Maybe women have better options today... fewer violent guys maybe?

 

However, I'm not sure that is a positive for some women... judging by the fact that there is always a line to date prison inmates.

[fishtaco]

Bottom line.... if you just down to swap STD's... this is your decade, enjoy! If you are looking for something deeper that will last... you have nothing but disappointment awaiting you.

 

I may have to relinquish my rights to my balls at the men's embassy after I admit this, but I can't do ONS. Never had one, can't do it. FWB is the most casual relationship I can have. And I am currently looking for LTR, although I won't refuse any FWB that could happen in the mean time. So sounds like my disappointing experience is pretty right on then. Sign of the times I guess.

[daphne]

However, I'm not sure that is a positive for some women... judging by the fact that there is always a line to date prison inmates.

 

You should be happy to have them removed from the dating pool...

[xpaperxcutx]

Options are good if you want to play... it's this kind of mindset that can really mess you up when you're order. But then again, I'm in the exact same boat.... it's hard to just want to be with 1 person when there are the other 9 who are throwing themselves at you.

[Titania22]

I would say living in a world with more options (not just dating wise, but more options about everything in life), is a great thing.

 

As for the choices people make about dating, it is still just about facing who you are and deciding what you really want, what you will accept and what you won't. These are decisions you would have to make whether you lived in this world or another with less options. But being in a world with a greater variety, means that people who wouldn't have found something acceptable with less choice, now have the possibility.

 

Please forget about trying to decide if you think having mores choices is a good or a bad thing, and think about what you really want (not what you believe you should want). If you really wanted the long term relationship experience you could have it (you said so yourself), so maybe you keep looking is because you don't really want it at all. I feel that you are enjoying your bed hopping lifestyle, and if so, stop pretending that you want something else. Maybe next week, month or year you will suddenly have a strong urge to put down roots with a girl. But if you do it, purely because you feel a little tired at the moment, it isn't really fair on the girl (who will be essentially getting the leftovers, whilst other girls got your best).

 

That's my 2cents.

[hoping2heal]

One of my friends read this thing where the gist of it is that in the modern world, we have more options than ever before. But having so many options actually makes us unhappy, because we'd be preoccupied with trying to choose the best option.

 

I wonder if that's what happening with me. I was a dorky nice guy at one point. Unsurprisingly, I couldn't get much going with the ladies. Then I changed. I improved my looks, my style, my social skills, my social circle, my game, my attitude, my confidence, everything I could think of (well to some of my long time friends, they think I've regressed in certain qualities, like for example, I play mind games now, but dammit it works!). And so as a result, I'm enjoying a lot more successes and have a lot more options now.

 

But... then I became picky. I could have a girlfriend by the end of this week if I wanted to. And they're probably women that I would have happily dated during my younger days (that is if we all back up 10 years). But now, I see them, and I think they're great, but I'm also thinking, I can do better. Bash me all you want, but if you do that, you're also bashing everyone that says they don't want to settle; you're bashing on everyone that has ever told anyone thanks but no thanks. There's been numerous posts about that on LS.

 

One of the women from my recent past, is a personality girl. I slept with her, but we were never exclusive, on my side, and I was 100% honest about it. That's part of my game, I do what I do, if you're on board, let's go, if not, it's cool, let's be friends, don't be surprised if I hit up on your friend, but I don't lie. We had a lot of fun, with clothes on too. Eventually she moved on, and now she is happy with a pretty good guy as boyfriend. I like him, we all hang out pretty often. But me, I'm still whoring myself around in the single scene. In fact just this past week I told someone thanks but no thanks, and someone told me thanks but no thanks. And the gear of life keeps turning.

 

I think like this every time I get tired. It takes a lot of energy to keep churning and to keep holding your head up high above the water with your self esteem intact.

 

So is having more options a good thing? I'm not so sure now. Seemed like a good idea on paper. But I can't un-experience what I have experienced. Even with my doubts I can't go back to my old self. It just feels wrong to artificially limit my options. Quote from Beavis and Butthead - I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good.

 

So I'd say having more options does bring more headaches. I don't know what the solution is, but it's certainly not going backwards and limiting your options. Maybe it's just a simple case of me wanting to have the cake and eat it too. I'll get out of this funk, soon I hope.

 

If you have seen the top of the mountain and it was good, then why are you not still there?

 

I have never applied this to the dating world, but when it comes to material things - oh more options is definately a bad thing

 

Just because you have more options does not mean they are very good ones. Maybe the girls you can get now are very physically attractive but any woman who is worth a damn when it comes down to more than the boom-boom doesn't want some guy playing mind games with her and imitating The Situation.

 

There are plenty of ladies who will go for that, they are called floozies. So, I guess it really just depends on your motivation. If you just want to "whore yourself out" I am sure your groovy, new atitude will help you do just that.

[fishtaco]

Titania22 and hoping2heal:

Let me clarify. First I already said I don't do ONS. I'll take FWB when they do happen, but that's it. I whore myself out not as in sex, but as in I have to go out and put myself on display like a whore. That's step one to starting ANY relationship, LTR, FWB, ONS, whatever it is. If I stay home and play video games all day, it's NOT going to happen. If I go out but I'm the silent guy in the corner, it's NOT going to happen.

 

I don't have a bed hopping lifestyle. I do have a multi dating life style, because that's the way to go. My multi dating has recently put me at equal footing with one woman that is also multi dating, and another one that was leading me on (not sure if she's multi dating). Luckily, so far, I believe there's only one out of the bunch that may be genuine. If I had to do this serially, I may have missed this opportunity. Because in the beginning, you can never tell what their games are, and I would have had to sample them one at a time.

 

At the same time that I'm "whoring myself" out multi dating these women that are playing the industry standard smoke and mirrors game, I have a batch of women that DO like me, but I'm not interested in them. Now if I like them back... simple, done deal, LTR. But I don't. My choices are to keep playing in the multi dating arena, where I don't enjoy being in, or settle with one of the women I'm not interested in, or give up and cut off my balls. Hence my lamentous rant.

 

"I have seen the top of the mountain", so I won't settle. Why am I not still there? Because sometimes relationships don't work out. I want to go back to the mountain, where I'm with someone I'm attracted to, and then try to make it work again. Maybe this time I'll get to stay there.

 

As far as the only one that could be genuine, first it's only a guesstimate at this point, you NEVER know. Second, she lives far, has two kids, one of them is two years old, the kid's dad is not in her life so she has the kid ALL THE TIME, her car barely works, she doesn't have a cell phone, she lives with her mom, her mom's phone doesn't have long distance, so I have problem even getting in touch with her, oh and she doesn't have a job. But I find her attractive and we have chemistry. So I'm sure you see why I would think twice, or more, before getting into an LTR with her.

 

Keep looking and try my luck? Create more options? Tiring, but looks like that's the way I have to go. Wouldn't you two agree?

Edited December 14, 2010 by fishtaco

[ascendotum]

One of my friends read this thing where the gist of it is that in the modern world, we have more options than ever before. But having so many options actually makes us unhappy, because we'd be preoccupied with trying to choose the best option.

I seriously believe this is a major factor on why there are so many more singles today and despite that people complain its harder than ever to find a 'great' person...but running in parallel with this is the downside of more competition. There is another thread running here now with people complaining about dating in NYC, with a pool of singles from a whopping total of 19m people.

 

I think like this every time I get tired. It takes a lot of energy to keep churning and to keep holding your head up high above the water with your self esteem intact.

Why do you say this, given what your past was like. Just looking back on where you've come from should give you a great boost to your self esteem on its own. The power to say thanks but no thanks, you would have dreamed of before.

 

So is having more options a good thing?

How can you say this. Ah the luxury of options, what beta dorky guys would just love to have. You were there once you should appreciate what you have now all the more. I have had a roller coaster love life tied in with my health and weight. When I bulked up other aspects of my life also improved like for you, and I should bite my tougue/bang my head against the wall for saying what you are saying. Butthead is right!

 

UF - I'd say the problem is your options are crap.

Yes. I think there must be an element of truth to this regarding your dilemma. One of the beautiful things about having lots of money is its ability to give you options in life, and better quality ones at that. You can still live a great life being poor but having options, the ability to be master of your destiny is way better. You still get headaches just over different issues.

 

 

But now, I see them, and I think they're great, but I'm also thinking, I can do better.

On what basis? If you have bedded better in the past, well then hold out. You did it before you can do it again. If you have not got better, then just maybe you have overestimated how far you can go. Kudos to you for turning your life around into the direction you want it to go. Its only a matter of time, though I see you mention '10yrs'. Have you had a relationship with what you would consider an 'awesome' girl in that time?

[Rotflmao]

Today's world w/ internet and more options benefits the most confident... usually being best looking but not always.

 

 

20 years ago the "best" looking were stuck in their little town too. So they had to chose from 19 crappy people, and got the 'best' of the crappy people.

 

 

Nowdays, that same 'best' crappy person is just another crappy person.

 

 

I think, we need to kill the internet and start over lol. If the internet died, I'd be such a pimp on my block~~~

[kiss_andmakeup]

But... then I became picky.

 

she lives far, has two kids, one of them is two years old, the kid's dad is not in her life so she has the kid ALL THE TIME, her car barely works, she doesn't have a cell phone, she lives with her mom, her mom's phone doesn't have long distance, so I have problem even getting in touch with her, oh and she doesn't have a job.

 

This is the result of your "pickiness?" Yikes.

[fishtaco]

This is the result of your "pickiness?" Yikes.

 

Umm... perhaps you should try to read my posts again, we're just casually dating. In fact she's one of several that I was dating, I'm a multi dater. I'm picky when it comes to who I choose to get into an LTR with. Last time I checked, we're not. Casual dating on the other hand, is just casual. It doesn't mean anything. At least that's what my experiences have taught me.

 

This one is attractive but bad on paper. There are a number of "good on paper" but not attractive women as well, like I mentioned. I'm not picking any of them. But she gets kudos because at least up to this point, she seems genuine, which is a rare thing. And we do have a lot of chemistry together. Chemistry is something that's tough to deny and walk away from. You might want to try it some day before you start cherry picking my posts and taking things out of context.

 

Have you had a relationship with what you would consider an 'awesome' girl in that time?

Yes I have. That's why I said I've seen the top of the mountain. I've been with women that are attractive but questionable in other areas, and I've been with women that are cute but are very strong in other areas. Obviously for LTR, the latter would be the better choice. I haven't found that person yet this time. Well, at different points it seemed like I have, but it turned out they were playing games so things didn't work out.

 

Thank you for your post though. It's encouraging, and you make good points. I shouldn't take for granted what I've achieved so far. I guess I'm always looking ahead so I've forgotten how far I've gone.

 

I'm complaining because in order to do this, I have to keep myself up at an "elevated" energy level, put on my face, and go out and get to work. I'm not a natural, I am where I am through learning and training. It gets tiring to be in this state after a while, and the only thing I have to show for so far is this woman that has nice body and personality, but a seemingly bad choice in every other category. So I'm sort of... deflated at this point.

 

Yes, UF and you are right. My options are crap. But we're in a sea of crap. Both men and women. When I cast my net and catch a number of fishes, simply by percentages most of them will turn out to be crap. And after going through the motion of reeling them in and sorting them out, and not have anything to show for, it is discouraging at times, like right now.

 

But you're right, I should get over it and get back on track. I've done it before, I can do it again.

[Titania22]

Hey Fishtaco,

 

I hear you. It is hard for me to advise you, as I have a different way of being in the world. I am quite opposite you, as I wasn't looking for a relationship at all, but inspired by this forum, I put myself out there for about 5 minutes and was approached by a guy on a dating site. We talk for hours everyday, and see each other as often as we can. He is way nice and just about everything I have ever asked for.

 

So I guess I stand by what I said earlier, in that you need to decide the qualities you really want. Don't worry about the girls you have met if they are not right. But focus purely on what you think you want. I am talking about intention at this point, not action. And focus also on being the man you would want to be for this hypothetical girl. Then be ready for when she turns up, so you don't miss opportunity.

 

That's the best I can suggest. Personally I don't know with the guy I met, if it will last, or even get serious, but I do feel it is freaking weird to have a guy show up that fits so many things that I have mused about over the last few years.

 

Anyway all the best.

[fishtaco]

Titana22,

 

I wish you the best with this guy. No matter what LS people talk about, doing the right things, having the right attitude, the right strategy, the right outlook on life... luck trumps them all. You can do everything wrong, but if your lucky star is bright above your head, good things will happen.

 

I don't believe in luck. My last girl friend hit up on me out of the blue. I believe from that, I've already used up my luck for my entire life time. Plus if I try to do everything right, then even when I'm not lucky, maybe I can get something going.

 

I appreciate your advice. I think my problem here isn't I need to improve myself by being the man that my "perfect woman" wants (there's always room for improvement, but that's not the issue here). I already have options. But so far, my hard work isn't paying off, but it's certainly taking a toll on my stamina. And like you said, we have vastly different outlook on life. To me the concept of "perfect woman" doesn't even exist.

 

ascendotum gave me a good encouraging post, so tonight I went out and "whored" myself around again. No numbers, but made a bit of progress with a few existing connections and made a new connection. We'll see how many of them convert to dates. Tomorrow I'll go some place I normally don't go and see if I can meet some compete strangers. Gotta keep cranking...

[gentlewaters]

But now, I see them, and I think they're great, but I'm also thinking, I can do better. Bash me all you want, but if you do that, you're also bashing everyone that says they don't want to settle; you're bashing on everyone that has ever told anyone thanks but no thanks. There's been numerous posts about that on LS.

 

I don't get this about settling, really, or doing "better" If you decide to love someone, it doesn't matter if you can do "better" or not, right? Maybe you have never loved someone before? (I mean this kind of love, not love like loving family or friends, but love as in wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person and share everything with... your bed, your bills, your house, your present and your future.

 

Have you ever found a person you wanted to spend life with? I suggest if you haven't, then just keep looking, but I do not think that if you found a person you really love, that you will think that you can do "better" Maybe you just haven't found her yet.

[fishtaco]

I don't get this about settling, really, or doing "better" If you decide to love someone, it doesn't matter if you can do "better" or not, right? Maybe you have never loved someone before? (I mean this kind of love, not love like loving family or friends, but love as in wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person and share everything with... your bed, your bills, your house, your present and your future.

 

Like that Eagles song - love will keep us alive, it's a nice and romantic concept, but real life has real life problems. No one walk off into the sunset holding hands and live forever happily after, no matter how much "love" is involved. Ask anyone, they will tell you relationships take effort. The more incompatible you are, the more effort you'll have to devote to it. Not to mention, love does not come into play until much later. I don't just love random people after I hang out with them for 3 weeks. Love has nothing to do with it at this point. I'm choosing someone that I could potentially fall in love with - in the future. Which makes it hard, because I'm trying to predict the future. But at least I'm trying. Even a guesstimate is better than walking in blind. Hence this concept of "settling" and "better". It's to help me make the right choice, for me, to increase my chances of getting into a relationship that will last.

[zengirl]

Options can be bad. Perfect can be the enemy of good. That's all true, I guess, in every aspect of life.

 

However, I honestly wonder about the quality you're cultivating in yourself and how it's limiting your own options. Your attitude in the original post seemed needlessly arrogant, and that sort of thing tends to turn of quality women. It's not about bed-hopping; it's about negativity. Now, I will say: that's just one post, not your entire life by any means, so it may just be an internet-tone thing.

 

Looking for someone who's perfect and fits some long list is silly. Looking for someone who you're attracted to who's also awesome and LTR material in the fundamental compatibility areas. . . that's perfectly reasonable and even healthy. No, people shouldn't just "settle" for whatever they come across, but that doesn't mean they should shoot for the stars at the cost of their own happiness either.

 

At the end of the day, look for someone who makes you happy. Simplify. Don't get lost in the game of options and optimization.

[fishtaco]

However, I honestly wonder about the quality you're cultivating in yourself and how it's limiting your own options. Your attitude in the original post seemed needlessly arrogant, and that sort of thing tends to turn of quality women. It's not about bed-hopping; it's about negativity. Now, I will say: that's just one post, not your entire life by any means, so it may just be an internet-tone thing.

 

Sorry, but I don't understand this. I was being arrogant and negative at the same time? Just because I've met women I'm not interested in doesn't make me arrogant. I was merely stating it like it is... if I'm a 5, then there will be 4, 3 ,2, 1, and 0's that I'll say thanks but no thanks.

 

Also when I can't meet quality women somehow it's my fault. I get that from my female friends too. "Where do you meet these women", every time I have a goofy dating story to tell. As if I had psychic powers to only pick out the crappy ones. The truth is, it's because most people out there are crap. Both men and women. I could be crap too, but I don't care. As long as I can find a matching crap, but I don't want one that's crappier than me.

 

Looking for someone who's perfect and fits some long list is silly. Looking for someone who you're attracted to who's also awesome and LTR material in the fundamental compatibility areas. . . that's perfectly reasonable and even healthy. No, people shouldn't just "settle" for whatever they come across, but that doesn't mean they should shoot for the stars at the cost of their own happiness either.

 

Sure, but like a couple of the posters have said, maybe it's because my options are crap. What you listed... fundamental compatibility + attractive + awesome, haven't found one yet. Recently one dropped off my roster because she was multi dating also and decided to go into LTR with someone else. The other one started out strong, then started to turn flaky, but kept throwing me scraps to keep the carrot in front of my face, I got tired of her games and called it off. The 3rd one I have attraction and she's awesome, but I've listed all the reasons why I should be concerned about an LTR with her. I'm not shooting for the stars. There is space in between "settling" and "shooting for the stars".

 

At the end of the day, look for someone who makes you happy. Simplify. Don't get lost in the game of options and optimization.

 

I don't understand this either. You can't tell if the person is the right person (makes you happy) right off the bat. People tend to be on their best behavior in the beginning. It takes time to truly learn about a person. Yes, we should find someone that makes us happy. But it's not like you can walk down the street and go.. no, no, no, yes, no, no, yes. There's a process you have to go through to discover if the person is the one that will make you happy. I'm already doing multi dating, which decreases the chance I'll miss that person. If I'm dating one at a time, I could be preoccupied by a game player that's leading me on, and ignore the one that could really make me happy. By the time I discover the game player's games, the "make me happy one" could have moved on, or I could have missed the opportunity and never run into her again... etc.

 

Also finding the right one IS a number game. What are my chances if I meet 1 person every 10 years? What if I meet 10 people every month? It'll take a vastly different amount of effort, and barring blind luck, the results will be vastly different too.

 

I agree with you in theory. But theories don't translate to reality automatically.

[zengirl]

Sorry, but I don't understand this. I was being arrogant and negative at the same time?

 

Arrogance is negative. It is an emotion rooted in fear and negativity, not in love (in the more general sense) and positivity. People can pick up on this, was my point. As I said, it may have just been the tone on the internet. I don't actually know you.

 

Just because I've met women I'm not interested in doesn't make me arrogant. I was merely stating it like it is... if I'm a 5, then there will be 4, 3 ,2, 1, and 0's that I'll say thanks but no thanks.

 

It was more the "This is how I am, take it or leave it," along with that. Also the whole "do better" thing is a very negative way to take it. If you're not interested in someone, that's cool, but it shouldn't be about doing better. It's not about comparisons. . . it's about knowing what you want.

 

Also when I can't meet quality women somehow it's my fault.

 

Absolutely. Just like if I couldn't meet quality men, I'd look at myself and see why that was. You control your life. Don't be a victim in your own life. . . if something isn't working on a consistent basis, then you need to change something.

 

I get that from my female friends too. "Where do you meet these women", every time I have a goofy dating story to tell. As if I had psychic powers to only pick out the crappy ones. The truth is, it's because most people out there are crap. Both men and women. I could be crap too, but I don't care. As long as I can find a matching crap, but I don't want one that's crappier than me.

 

That attitude is some kind of crap. I don't know if most people are crap or not, but shouldn't you care if you are crap? If you want a better life, in any area, the easiest and best way is to improve yourself. I'm not saying it's a magic bullet but if you're not sure you aren't crap, it's no wonder you're meeting crap.

 

Sure, but like a couple of the posters have said, maybe it's because my options are crap. What you listed... fundamental compatibility + attractive + awesome, haven't found one yet. Recently one dropped off my roster because she was multi dating also and decided to go into LTR with someone else. The other one started out strong, then started to turn flaky, but kept throwing me scraps to keep the carrot in front of my face, I got tired of her games and called it off. The 3rd one I have attraction and she's awesome, but I've listed all the reasons why I should be concerned about an LTR with her. I'm not shooting for the stars. There is space in between "settling" and "shooting for the stars".

 

Absolutely, there is that space. And nothing terrible about not finding someone for a LTR right away. Sometimes it takes time. But if you're consistently having the same issue, why not look for the root cause?

 

I don't understand this either. You can't tell if the person is the right person (makes you happy) right off the bat. People tend to be on their best behavior in the beginning. It takes time to truly learn about a person. Yes, we should find someone that makes us happy.

 

It's a moment-to-moment thing. You can tell if they're making you happy at the time and if you see that as a long-term possibility; of course, it can be revised as you get to know each other better. It'd be silly not to do so. That's what dating is for, and relationships are for, a process to get to know someone and see if they're really right for you.

 

I don't know about the best behavior thing. I guess people are, but I don't think MOST people are putting up some great front. A little bit more polished, but that's to be expected. You should still be able to see the person underneath, with most folks.

 

I'm already doing multi dating, which decreases the chance I'll miss that person. If I'm dating one at a time, I could be preoccupied by a game player that's leading me on, and ignore the one that could really make me happy. By the time I discover the game player's games, the "make me happy one" could have moved on, or I could have missed the opportunity and never run into her again... etc.

 

To a degree, I've no issues with multi-dating, EXCEPT once you know you see someone as a serious possibility (and you think they feel the same). If you keep multi-dating past that point, it's more likely to be to your detriment than advantage. Multi-dating is just fine. But are you approaching relationships with a productive attitude?

 

Also finding the right one IS a number game. What are my chances if I meet 1 person every 10 years? What if I meet 10 people every month? It'll take a vastly different amount of effort, and barring blind luck, the results will be vastly different too.

 

I disagree. As I get older, I tend to date very few people -- by choice; dating just feels tedious -- but I tend to pick better and better partners. I met my boyfriend online, and he was the ONLY man from that site I chose to meet in this particular round (time of being single since my last break-up). If I'd dated a lot more men, I wouldn't have done any better. In fact, I might have not given him the energy required to make things work out so well. Now, if I had two options that met my standards completely, I would've gone out with them both, but I keep my standards pretty high.

 

At any rate, I'm not saying to do what I do. I am saying that if what you're doing is not working out for you, it's time to look at ways to amend it. Doing the same thing and expecting different results = insanity.