Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Tired of being the rebound girl & tired with trying to find love

Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Old 10th November 2010, 7:11 PM   #1
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4
Unhappy Tired of being the rebound girl & tired with trying to find love

Tonight I had a terrible 4th date with this guy I've known for a month - we were in a bar, and he dissapeared to the toilets for a what seemed a bit longer than normal but I didnt think anything of it - obviously something must have happened during this time. Anyway, when he returned from the toilets we walked out of the bar to head to our cinema screening - and then he suddenly pulled the rug from under my feet and said....

"I'm really sorry, I'm going to have to leave now - I've just come out of a 5 year relationship with my fiancee and I can't do this".

Wow...that was a shocker to me. We had a 3rd date last Friday and had a great time. However, right from the very beginning I had a little niggle in the back of my mind as I could sense something wasn't right but I couldn't put my finger on it. He tried to sleep with me on our 3rd date and I put a stop to it - I'm so glad I listened to my intution because I really would have felt used then.

What I'm more upset about than anything is that history keeps repeating itself. About 2 years ago, I dated a man for a few months who was separated and going through a divorce - only for him to tell me later down the line that he wanted to get back with his wife. Really, I should have know he wasnt ready to move on but I was young and naive, and just lacked life experience.

After this man, I decided to take time of of dating to really focus on myself and what I wanted from life. So I didn't date for almost 2 years and I finally met someone lovely in August who I fell head over heels for - I geniunely thought he could have been the right one for me. We only dated briefly but I had nothing but happy memories and I hadn't felt such a connection with anyone else before. I knew he was 6 months out of a 9 year relationship, but I honestly thought he was ready to move on. It turns out he wasn't and he broke up with me - again, it happened so quickly and unexpectedly it was an absolute shock to the system as I thought things were just going so well.

On one of his break up messages, he said "thank you for the last few months, you've helped me no end" I was so upset that he used me just to help himself move on, whilst ultimately messing with my feelings. And to be honest, I still miss him like crazy and I still think of him every day.

I'm just so tired of the dating scene at the moment. Of course, I just want to find someone special that I can fall in love with. But a lot of the time, I just feel I have a consistent run of bad luck and I am getting awfully tired with it. As soon as things are looking up, it inevitably seems to go wrong pretty soon after.

Sometimes I just feel like I want to self-destruct so that I can drown my frustrations and lonliness, and the fact that I still miss my recent ex.

But in the back of my mind, I know that if its worth having then it's worth fighting for. However, I've had SO much bad luck with the dating scene in the past 5 years in general I just find it so demoralising and do sometimes wonder if I should just face up to a future of being alone.

Sorry for the self pitying whine. I normally have so much positivity and hope, but I think it's just been drained out of me

Last edited by mimideemee; 10th November 2010 at 7:13 PM.. Reason: typos
mimideemee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2010, 7:47 PM   #2
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4
Well, I wouldn't have started dating them if I didn't think they were 'nice' guys. As for 'someone special', well...that is a very objective term. Ultimately, there's no point in dating someone when there is no chemistry/attraction between 2 people.
mimideemee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2010, 7:51 PM   #3
Established Member
TouchedByViolet's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia is for Lovers
Posts: 1,303
Mimideemee's luck does have a lot to do with it IME. Sometimes life works out easy other times it feels like their is a booby trap at every turn. You sound normal and reasonable from your post so I hope things work out for you. If it makes you feel any better I have terrible luck too.
TouchedByViolet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2010, 8:06 PM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 256
Originally Posted by TheMENemy View Post
Better to shoot for "average or slightly below" and avoid disappointment.
This makes no sense. Average or slightly below in what? Do you place all people on a power/dominance scale?

Attraction is a relative thing. It can't be quantified. Why would somebody shoot for someone they perceive to be below average in their eyes? There is no absolute scale of attraction, why not try for what you like and see if any of them like you?

I don't understand the object of shooting low if you are looking for a legitimate LONG term relationship.
Yer_Blues is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2010, 8:21 PM   #5
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Yer_Blues View Post
I don't understand the object of shooting low if you are looking for a legitimate LONG term relationship.
To be honest, I think TheMENemey is just saying it to stir a reaction haha. No person with any ounce of self worth would settle for being with someone they're not happy with.

Thanks, TouchedByViolet - let's hope the run of bad luck will turn around soon for both of us I don't find it easy at the moment but will just try to put it down as a character building experience.
mimideemee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2010, 9:03 PM   #6
Established Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 831
It's hard, but you have to learn to teach yourself to lose a little bit of your soul when you date, otherwise it will take it from you each time things like this happen. I've basically stopped dating, it absolutely sucks, I hate it, I don't enjoy it one I don't do it. Why do something that you don't enjoy doing and doesn't pay anything back? What do you gain from all this? The answer is nothing.

I've seriously ruled out all dating and trying to "find someone to be happy with" for about a year now, and I can't say I've ever been happier. There are so many things in life to invest time and effort into that can be very rewarding. Since giving up dating, I've put more time into my job and been very successful. I learned to play guitar. I joined some random co-ed sports teams like flag football and softball and met some great new friends. These are all things that make me happy, so I do them. Dating isn't for everyone, and like myself...some people just aren't destined to find anymore. I think once you come to that realization that we just aren't meant for it and learn to let go of that desire, you will feel a lot better.
GivenUp0083 is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Tired of running into her. Tired of her messages. bighearted Coping 17 19th September 2010 10:09 PM
Afraid to date, tired of whining about my love life, yet tired of being alone... CarmenSandiego Dating 0 29th November 2009 7:42 PM
Can a girl get tired of being asked out? RetroMan Dating 0 11th February 2006 8:58 PM
I have been hurt alot and i am tired of it!!! How do you find the right one? monae202 In Search Of... 7 7th August 2003 8:18 PM
Tired of never feeling the love..... angel Archive 3 13th December 2000 4:23 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:55 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2013 All Rights Reserved.