alissa_82 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Hi there, 10 months ago i got out of a 6-year-long relationship, and in the beginning i was naturally curious about being back on the single scene... i imagined having lots of fun and experiencing with man, since i was now older and probably cooler as i was before the relationship... a couple of months later, and being totally unrequited in love with some guy at the moment, i came to the realisation, that there is not much fun for me to have, since i still, as i did when i was younger, tend to fall in love or lust or whatever really hard and easily, no matter if it is requited or not... a couple of months after the breakup i started seeing a guy, that as i knew with my reason, was not the right person to fall in love with, but my heard didnt hear, and after spending 3 nights together, i fell head over heels for this guy, which resulted in a turbulent affair/short relationship for 4 months and then 2 months of being totally lovesick and heartbroken... 3 weeks later i was talking to this guy, which by chance i met 3 times in a row within 2 weeks, who is just in a new relationship, with a girl he obviously really likes... so i should have known better, but because he did some harmless flirting with me and we really get along well, the best thing that came to my mind was falling in love with him really bad, although i "knew" from the beginning he is taken at the moment, and there is like 0 chance for me to be with him, the crush hit me really bad... Well, you could say, thats whats happening when you are single, but the problem is that i am always so obsessive about crushes and love, it really rules my life... for example for 7 weeks now, this taken guy is non-stop in my head, i find it hard to concentrate on my work or on anything else, also i know with reason that this is going nowhere, i still find myself looking at pictures of him, dreaming about him literally ALL the time. and as i know myself, this could go on for the next months, basically until i meet a new man i like as much, which unfortunately rarely happens... i feel that these obsessive crushes, or falling in love so easily as with the man before him, really control my life when i am single, make me unproductive,.... and although i KNOW that nothings is going to happen, i still get the most perverted thoughts of how it could all work out... well i guess you cant be infatuated without hope or at least me.... has anybody else been in a similar situation? how did you get control over your feelings? i really want to be a bit more rational about feelings and love, but i seem to be unable to do so... i am behaving like 14 still, although i am already 28... the only thing that helps, is surrounding myself with friends but, i also cant do this 24 hrs a day... and as i said, being in love or having a crush seems to really impair my ability to lead a productive life, because in this situations all i can do is think about the guy... on the other handside, i think i have to be in love, when i am single i basically always have a guy in mind i like, which only gets out of my mind, when the next comes along it can be really hard to be myself (and single) i would appreciate some replies of this nice community thanks, alissa! Link to post Share on other sites
Morals Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Hey alissa, I understand what you're going through. Can I ask you some personal questions? Between high school and now. How many relationships have you been in? How long has the gap been between them (if any) ? My observation is that two people fall into the category of "fast love". Those who don't date a lot, and have very few relationships. They fall in love because they like the idea behind being in a relationship. The other type, which I think is you, are the serial relationship people. They've never gone any true length of time without a relationship. They constantly are looking for a new relationship and will get into one, regardless if it's healthy or not. The idea behind both lines of thinking is not flawed. Life is a journey, it's fun, but it's more fun if someone is there to enjoy it with you. I'm behind this line of thinking 100%. The idea you get into these "hard falls" of love is that the person is on your mind, but you don't actually get much face-face time with them. This happens in normal relationships too, but to a lesser degree. Being away from someone, and not communicating with them builds up a tension. It lets them realize what it's like to be without you (for both parties). If someone likes you, they realize that they enjoy spending time with you and want to see you. This is why healthy relationships have a healthy amount of time spent AWAY from each other as well. You wouldn't want your lover to like EVERYTHING that you did? Or do EVERYTHING that you did would you? There have to be nuances and slight differences for you to each inspire each other, and grow. Relationships aren't just about finding similarities, they are about finding differences and accepting them, even allowing those differences to make you grow as a person. Ponder that for a bit, and come back and let me know what you think. Trust me, I feel for you. I sometimes feel like I'm in the same boat. The most important thing you can do, is be happy for yourself when you are alone. If you can enjoy your time alone, you will enjoy your time even more when you are with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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