for supposed "nice guys" from a reformed *******/"nice guy" (rant)

[Sanman]

Excuse my rant, but I have been reading a lot about "nice guys" lately and had a couple recently come to me for girl advice. You guys have two choices:

 

1. Take an honest look at yourself and change what needs to be changed

 

2. Lower your expectations!!!!

 

About a week ago, a friend of mine broke up with his gf of 5 years. Being the good friend I am, I insisted he come out and get drunk in order to get his mind off the recent breakup. He invited his "nice guy" friend as well. What occurred was a night of mildly hangover-esque proportions...many women, much drinking, a little vomit. I managed to score "nice guy" a number from a very cute girl. Well, he called her and she never got back to him...it happens. He wanted to go out again and meet some more women. Now, this guy really wants a "hot girl"...that would be fine if he were not overweight, wearing glasses, a shabby dresser, and a bit old for such things imo (he is 30). I have a similar friend that finally got a gf, but is constantly comparing himself to me and is unhappy with his gf compared to the women I go out with. While I give credit to the first guy(he is trying to change), the second guy is a lost cause. Either way, I am very tired of people calling me lucky or blessed. I am neither and what I did was not hard.

 

I have been a "nice guy", then an *******, and, finally, I think I am a catch (I suppose my gf believes so as well). As a teenager in school, I had few women interested in me and had a similar attitude as many of the guys here about women liking *******s. I was also a chubby, nerdy kid. However, I realized I had to put up or shut up. So, when I got to college, I hit the gym. It eventually got to the point where I was there 6 days/wk and even took courses to become a personal trainer. I entered into my "*******" period during college. Having dropped significant weight and looking like a fitness trainer/athlete got me a lot of attention from women and it went to my head. Well, I was both very shallow, regarding the women I dated, and very confident. After finishing college, I continued on to grad school. There, I did gain some weight, but still stayed healthy. Now, in my late twenties, I have more modesty after having learned a few things about myself and find that I am more successful with women than ever.

 

What I get now is many friends who are jealous and get angry at me because I am "lucky" with women. IT IS NOT LUCK!!! I spent years getting fit/healthy, I pursued an education and will have the title of "Dr." in front of my name in a few short months, and have learned to be a positive person who cares for others. Yet, despite years of work on improving all aspects of my life, people assume it is all luck or shallowness.

 

So, for all the guys that think if they complain enough the world will change it will not. Either LEARN and change the things about yourself that women will not find attractive or stop complaining. This goes for:

looks, style, job, kissing ability, ability in bed, ability to romance a woman, etc.

 

The other thing you need to do is find the type of woman who is attracted to you based on your personality/interests and go after her. NO, the personal tranier/gym freak girl is not going to interested in the fat guy.

 

I am sure I will get flamed for this, but I don't care. The "nice guy" friends of mine are pissing me off.

[Lakeside_runner]

I actually second everything that you wrote.

 

-Dr. Lakeside_Runner (yes, that's right!).

[Pfiend101]

all good points sir. Congrats on your Dr title.

[mem11363]

Sanman,

This is great - it mirrors my own experience to a T. I worked on the same 3 areas:

 

- Attractiveness (mainly fitness, but a decent haircut/clothing is a nice layer on top)

- Personality - I had a few great role models - upbeat, playful and confident.

- Provider skills - got a software degree and that plus working really hard plus the same personality traits that work with women really accelerated my career income

 

My wife will on occasion reminisce about our first official date. We had gone out with a group a couple times and clicked - but this was our first one on one. I had planned to make dinner but I had to work later than planned so I didn't have time to cook.

 

The 22 year old me would have been really apologetic like I had already screwed up the date.

 

Almost 22 years ago, the 26 year old version smiled at her and said

 

"I had to work late so it is a bit late to cook for you, good news is I always have a plan B. Tonight plan B consists of a restaurant - tell me a type of food you like and I will pick the place. Seafood, Chinese, Mexican, Italian, Vietnamese, or other?"

 

She said mexican sounded great and we had our first date at El Toritos. This is her memory not mine and this is what she says about it.

 

"I thought it was so cool how you had a plan B, you let me choose the type of food - which was great since it prevented a situation where we went someplace I just didn't like the selection - and then you picked the restaurant which removed the stress of "how expensive a place should I pick?"

 

I couldn't really tell you whether my bosses or my wife like the smooth transitions to "plan B" better, but I will say that over the years I got treated as well at home as I did in the office.

 

The fitness stuff is a substantial part of a virtuous cycle:

 

Exercise acts as a mood elevator and a confidence amplifier -> Confidence and optimism improve problem solving ability and positive energy in the office and sexiness at home which leads to bigger raises and better more frequent sex - both of which improve your mood and your confidence......

 

Becoming more attractive is 20 percent planning and 80 percent consistent execution.

 

Excuse my rant, but I have been reading a lot about "nice guys" lately and had a couple recently come to me for girl advice. You guys have two choices:

 

1. Take an honest look at yourself and change what needs to be changed

 

2. Lower your expectations!!!!

 

About a week ago, a friend of mine broke up with his gf of 5 years. Being the good friend I am, I insisted he come out and get drunk in order to get his mind off the recent breakup. He invited his "nice guy" friend as well. What occurred was a night of mildly hangover-esque proportions...many women, much drinking, a little vomit. I managed to score "nice guy" a number from a very cute girl. Well, he called her and she never got back to him...it happens. He wanted to go out again and meet some more women. Now, this guy really wants a "hot girl"...that would be fine if he were not overweight, wearing glasses, a shabby dresser, and a bit old for such things imo (he is 30). I have a similar friend that finally got a gf, but is constantly comparing himself to me and is unhappy with his gf compared to the women I go out with. While I give credit to the first guy(he is trying to change), the second guy is a lost cause. Either way, I am very tired of people calling me lucky or blessed. I am neither and what I did was not hard.

 

I have been a "nice guy", then an *******, and, finally, I think I am a catch (I suppose my gf believes so as well). As a teenager in school, I had few women interested in me and had a similar attitude as many of the guys here about women liking *******s. I was also a chubby, nerdy kid. However, I realized I had to put up or shut up. So, when I got to college, I hit the gym. It eventually got to the point where I was there 6 days/wk and even took courses to become a personal trainer. I entered into my "*******" period during college. Having dropped significant weight and looking like a fitness trainer/athlete got me a lot of attention from women and it went to my head. Well, I was both very shallow, regarding the women I dated, and very confident. After finishing college, I continued on to grad school. There, I did gain some weight, but still stayed healthy. Now, in my late twenties, I have more modesty after having learned a few things about myself and find that I am more successful with women than ever.

 

What I get now is many friends who are jealous and get angry at me because I am "lucky" with women. IT IS NOT LUCK!!! I spent years getting fit/healthy, I pursued an education and will have the title of "Dr." in front of my name in a few short months, and have learned to be a positive person who cares for others. Yet, despite years of work on improving all aspects of my life, people assume it is all luck or shallowness.

 

So, for all the guys that think if they complain enough the world will change it will not. Either LEARN and change the things about yourself that women will not find attractive or stop complaining. This goes for:

looks, style, job, kissing ability, ability in bed, ability to romance a woman, etc.

 

The other thing you need to do is find the type of woman who is attracted to you based on your personality/interests and go after her. NO, the personal tranier/gym freak girl is not going to interested in the fat guy.

 

I am sure I will get flamed for this, but I don't care. The "nice guy" friends of mine are pissing me off.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[USMCHokie]

Sanman, excellent post.

[Cracker Jack]

Good stuff. I'm not successful with women (Cuz I don't try enough), but even I can admit when someone has it together. Don't know why your "friends" are jealous instead of giving you credit.

[Chicago_Guy]

The other thing you need to do is find the type of woman who is attracted to you based on your personality/interests and go after her. NO, the personal tranier/gym freak girl is not going to interested in the fat guy.

 

You raise a number of valid points. I do have a friend who isn't fat, but you can look at him and tell that he isn't very fit or strong. He has rounded shoulders, small arms, and clearly has not spent much time a gym working out. However, this guy used to always go for the most fit women in his circle of friends and they were never interested in him as anything more than just a friend.

 

I agree with you that women who work out a lot and are in good shape generally want men who are the same way.

[EasyHeart]

100% right. You can learn to be attractive to women -- not by memorizing pick up lines or playing games, but by becoming confident. And confidence doesn't come from saying mantras or pretending to be cocky. It comes from working hard, building a happy life and being a good person.

 

Stay in shape and wear decent clothes. Geez, what could be easier than that? You don't have to be a body builder or dress like a model (that actually turns off women), but keep your weight down and learn some basics about men's fashion. And you don't have to spend a fortune -- just develop a personal sense of style -- figure out what looks good on you and expresses your personality.

 

I'm an old fart, but I never seem to have any problem attracting women. The secret? I talk to them. I don't have any lines, I don't rehearse, I just walk up to them and start talking. You'd be shocked at how much women appreciate something so simple. I can't tell you how many first dates I've had where, after 4 hours of laughing and talking, women tell me that before the date they were worried that we'd have nothing to talk about. Interesting people ALWAYS have something to talk about.

 

Easyheart, Esq.