girl i date keeps disappearing and coming back

[dinkas]

I really need help on this: I met this girl a year ago who is 8 years younger than me. She was 3 months shy of 21 when we met. We dated for a month and I fell completely in love with her (which is rare for me as I date a lot of girls and am very picky). She asked after a month if we could take a break from the romantic side of things for awhile because she was going through some stuff. She was constantly partying like a rockstar. We didn't talk for months. Then we met up again because I wrote her a letter and she called and wanted to see me. She said how sorry she was that she hurt me. Then after 3 or 4 weeks, the same type of breakup happened again (her story was different but the events were exactly the same). She wound up calling me a month and a half later telling me she just wanted to say hi. We wound up getting in a huge fight after she claimed she was engaged. So, 7 months later and a few hang-up calls i suspect were from her, I mailed her a cordial letter and some stuff of hers back. She wound up calling again, and recently came up to see me in the city I moved to. She claimed she thought about me all the time and still really cared for me. We talked for a long time and she said she wanted to see me again, but this time i did not press her for a relationship. What is this all about? Is she just going through her wild stage? I have the hope that she will settle down and has been merely fighting falling for me also because she is young. I've had that happen in the past with a girl who kept fighting me and then we wound up dating for 4 years. Any advice?

[Tony T]

Unless your into serious masochism, I suggest you look for love in another direction. I am never able to understand why perfectly sane human beings allow their feelings to be jerked around by members of the opposite sex who love to play them in between relationships.

 

Gimmee a break...I can't be the first time somebody has told you this.

 

This lady will have absolutely no respect for you whatsoever if you continue to allow her to play with you this way. She has no interest in you and probably never will. It's highly likely you are just one of the characters in the dramas she must play out as part of all the kaka in her brain. Is that what you want to be?

[dinkas]

So, despite the fact that she just drove 140 miles to visit and is planning on doing so again soon, I should just forget about the whole thing? Most 21 year old girls do have a lot of drama going on, but they eventually get over it and some guy will eventually be the winner...why not me? I'm the best thing she'll ever get and she knows it, that's why she keeps coming back after her silly two week dating games. Is this not worth anything? The real issue has yet to be addressed: what will most likely be the end result if I let her keep coming back (while I covertly date other people)? Haven't you ever stuck with something because you wanted it bad enough and won in the end? I assume the answer is 'no' judging by the reply.

 

Please help, and please give an insightful analysis, not some knucklehead brushoff like the previous reply.

[pulsera]

Hi! I think you have been more than patience with this girl and she has taken that for granted. Her age is surely a key factor, since people in their early 20's don't really know what they want in life or from a relationship, and basically play around to accumulate as much experience as they possibly can get.

Another key ingredient could be her environment (family, friends, etc...), if it has been one filled with comfort and no responsibilities at all, no wonder that she acts so uncosiderate towards you and probably to the rest of the pople too. This is the main sickness of our society now a days: the "light & fun culture", where values such as trust, reliability and commitment cannot find any space to be. My last tip: forget about the girl and move on with your life. Pamper yourself with a hobby or any other activity you enjoy doing, that will keep your attention focused on something different besides her, or the feelings of lonelyness. Pray to God and ask him to open your eyes to recognize the one (the girl) he has chosen for you to be happy together with. I'm sure there is somebody out there for you.