LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Is there such a thing as too affectionate?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Old 10th September 2009, 2:19 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 462
Is there such a thing as too affectionate?

I'm very touchy-feely and I like holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging...all sorts of physical things that I guess show how I adore my guy.

He seems to love it and he says he my sweetness is rubbing up on him....he'd give me random kisses even in public, kiss the back of my hands, rub my tummy, hug me real tight...he says he never was like this to any of his exes.

I can't contain myself it seems. I just don't play games. When I like a guy he knows it for sure. I never try to hide it.

Can this be too much though? I have been told to not make myself too available and don't lose the mysterious air....make the guy chase a little bit but I just can't.

Need your input guys.
fabulous_chk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 4:36 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 858
If it feels right and he's into it...what's the prob?
__________________
"Everybodys got a plan till they get hit in the mouth"- Mike Tyson
Praying4Daylight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 6:25 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 462
Because I've been like this to my ex and he still cheated on me. I was just wondering if I've made myself too available and too transparent.
fabulous_chk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 7:11 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,301
Generally making yourself too available isn't a good thing. But if you guy likes it, what's wrong?

The point is not to take crap if your man doesn't treat you well. You need to create boundaries that if the man crosses them you pull away to punish him, let him know you won't be treated badly.
Hkizzle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 9:21 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: You don't know what you are missing. Other then political corruption, insane property tax and road rage. There is a new sheriff in town New Jersey.
Posts: 3,611
It all depends on the people in the relationship comfort level. It sounds like you are both okay with lots of affection and that's fine. I personally prefer to be more affectionate in private and don't need to be grabbed all the time, there is a time for it and a time when I want to be left alone.

You're worried that your making it too easy for your boyfriend because of your past history. Let me ask you this, how did your ex respond to your affectionate displays? Are there any signs from your past relatoniship that are similar to your current one? While I don't think it's fair to think that your new guy might cheat because your old one did, I do understand the fear and I do think that past experiences can give you things to look out for if they turn out to be similar. I am sure your ex gave you some signs that you found out he was cheating. Even if they were obvious at the time.

Also, it is good to keep some mystery in the relationship. But that doesn't mean you withhold your affection. It means doing little things that catch him off gaurd...keeping the bathroom door closed (he doesn't need to se eyou pee)..and things like that.
Jersey Shortie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 11:44 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Bleeve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Almost Heaven
Posts: 85
Your ex was going to cheat no matter what you did.
If you were less affectionate with him, you would wonder if you were not enough.

I personally would love to have a gf like you.
Bleeve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 11:50 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 36,435
Journal Entries: 2
Being affectionate with someone who appreciates it, is a good thing. Being affectionate with someone who needs more personal space is a bad thing.

Being too available is subjective. One man might NEED a woman who's less independent, another might NEED one who's more stand-offish. For certain, being always available at a drop of a hat for anyone, isn't good for YOU, in that you also need a life and interests, outside of the relationship.
Trialbyfire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 11:55 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,790
Personally, I'm not a big fan of public displays of affection. At home it's different, but pawing in public isn't appropriate.
__________________
Thad has left the building.
Thaddeus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 4:00 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 24
My girlfriend is pretty affectionate -- kissing in random public places (even in a liquor store), holding hands everywhere, kissing in front of her friends, etc. -- and I absolutely adore it. I've always been afraid of showing too much interest myself, and the fact that she's showing that kind of affection is a wonderful feeling. I'm really into her, and she's really into me. What more needs to be said? If you're both really into each other and you're both the affectionate type, then why hold back?

I'm not a big believer in keeping distance intentionally for the sake of making him want you more. If you know he wants you, and you want him, then show him your affection. No holding back.
compre11111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 4:26 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabulous_chk View Post

Can this be too much though? I have been told to not make myself too available and don't lose the mysterious air....make the guy chase a little bit but I just can't.

Need your input guys.
The above advice comes from people who have gotten burned and tried to figure out why. Correlation does not mean causation, and if in fact you did take the above advice, you'd have a relationship based on game playing and a false dynamic which is something both of you will tire of, not to mention it will lead down a road of problems.

If you like expressing your love in these ways and have concerns about it, talk to your bf and ask him if he likes it and if it's ever too much. It seems like you may already have your answer (when he said he was fine with it) so you can continue doing these sorts of things. Some guys will like it, some guys will not--but that's IRRELEVANT here. What matters most is how your bf is receiving your love. He'll let you know if it becomes too much
Paragon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2009, 4:42 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabulous_chk View Post
Because I've been like this to my ex and he still cheated on me. I was just wondering if I've made myself too available and too transparent.
This guy is not your ex. There is such as thing as "too much PDA" but from what you have described it doesn't sound like the case. Too much would be like making out, feeling him up, squeezing his butt, ect.

My fiance and I are very affectionate in public and in private. I think it just shows how much we love each other.
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th September 2009, 2:29 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabulous_chk View Post
I'm very touchy-feely and I like holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging...all sorts of physical things that I guess show how I adore my guy.

He seems to love it and he says he my sweetness is rubbing up on him....he'd give me random kisses even in public, kiss the back of my hands, rub my tummy, hug me real tight...he says he never was like this to any of his exes.
Sounds wonderful to me. There's not enough of that in the world (and no shortage of people who wish they had something like that). I don't think there's any reason for you to hold yourself back from enjoying your relationship as much as you can.
__________________
"Love is a many splintered thing" - Sisters of Mercy
splintered thing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th September 2009, 2:55 AM   #13
Member
 
MeadowGlitter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 127
Don't go on top of him in public....
MeadowGlitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th September 2009, 3:12 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 3,430
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabulous_chk View Post
I'm very touchy-feely and I like holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging...all sorts of physical things that I guess show how I adore my guy.

He seems to love it and he says he my sweetness is rubbing up on him....he'd give me random kisses even in public, kiss the back of my hands, rub my tummy, hug me real tight...he says he never was like this to any of his exes.

I can't contain myself it seems. I just don't play games. When I like a guy he knows it for sure. I never try to hide it.

Can this be too much though? I have been told to not make myself too available and don't lose the mysterious air....make the guy chase a little bit but I just can't.

Need your input guys.
DO NOT play games to "make him chase you" or "be mysterious." That will only screw things up.

DO pay attention to how he reacts to your affection and make sure not to smother him. Overkill on affection does happen and it can make anyone claustrophobic. If he pulls away, LET HIM. He'll come back.
__________________


"I always assumed you were taller, and built like a quarterback" -Star Gazer
Phateless is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why is my NEW BF not affectionate? CandyGirlXO Dating 92 3rd March 2009 6:56 AM
Affectionate to NC in 2 days backspn Breaks and Breaking Up 11 19th March 2008 8:11 PM
He's not affectionate, why? Confused5433 Breaks and Breaking Up 12 15th December 2007 2:14 PM
How to be affectionate around him? leah_kely Dating 3 3rd November 2003 10:24 PM
being affectionate Samantha Archive 1 30th August 1999 9:17 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:42 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.