New relationship old flame relationship woes.

[Mem]

Well.. this is going to be a bit lengthy, but ill try to give all the relevant details.

 

1st) I am newly divorced - after a 5 year marriage.

 

After getting divorced (before it was actually final) I met my old sweetheart... again. Me and her had dated on and off for 5 years and just never took it seriously I guess. We dated probably 50 some times.

 

After meeting up with her again things went very quickly, she professed she still loved me, we talked about a future, and she asked me to move in with her where she was living temporarily, and in a couple months we'd get our own place. This was in Late April.

 

I couldn't have been happier, I thought that maybe this was what I was supposed to have done all along, my failed marriage was the farthest thing from my mind and I knew deep inside I had always loved this girl.

 

6 weeks or so go by, everything seemed to be going along just great, then all of a sudden she got very distant... no reason given. I figured something must be going on so I didnt read much into it. this was late May.

 

I let it go for a while, no physical affection at all, not planning things with just me, no dates, not really wanting to go to dinner etc. Now mind you I live with her so this is very strange.

 

We had a talk and she told me that her lack of sex drive was because she needed more space when we were at home, she asked me if when she went outside to smoke, or whatnot, if I could "not follow her around like a puppy".

 

I talked to her about 3 weeks ago asking her what was up, why things had changed, why was there no physical affection? Why did she not initiate anything that would be considered something that is done in a relationship? She said she didnt know and she needed to think about it.

 

I gave her a week and approached her again, I got more of the same that she didnt know, but she did say that she wasnt sure she was ready for the sacrifices and compromises that come along with a serious relationship.

 

after the week was up I asked her what she had thought of - during this week I completely thought about every possible scenario and outcome - good and bad... and it kept me up at night. She said she had decided she wants to be with me - I was elated. -- This was 10 days ago.

 

Since the talk nothing has really changed - she is slightly more affectionate... like lets me kiss her again... but we havent had sex in over 5 weeks, and she does not initiate any of the phsyical affection. She is also distant, easy to upset, and goes about business as usual.

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Now you know the situation.

 

Here is my dilemma... I love this girl so much, I really do. Am I too needy in needing some sort of validation to our relationship? Should I just be happy to keep on going like this? When asked if she thought me moving out and us dating (still exclusive) would be better she flat out told me thats not what she wants.

 

I don't want to lose what I feel really is something i should have pursued ages ago. And if she could be how she was at the start... everything would be perfect.

 

What should I do? I am very conflicted, on one hand I keep hoping things will get better, but on the other how many times am I supposed to convince myself things are ok only to get my hopes dashed the next day?

 

If the answer is more conversation --- and I appreciate all input --- I will try that, but my only concern is that she is so distant our conversations dont last real long - answer my questions, ask none of her own, and continue on with daily routine.

 

Thank you all again, I feel very strange asking for help, but this means enough to me that I feel I should.

 

-Mem