Online Dating - when do you stop "searching"

[Scarlett513]

This is just a general question about online dating that I'm sure has been covered already....but just wanted some opinions.

 

You meet someone online, you've been out on some good dates....you're both still on the site. A guy I met online and have been out with a few times is still on the site we met on. So am I, and I'm also sort of seeing someone from "real life," so it doesn't bother me that he's still looking. After all it's only been a few dates.

 

But it is weird knowing for a fact that the guy is still looking (and probably vice versa). So how do you deal with that, #1, and #2, how do you know if/when you're supposed to hide or take down your profile? I'm new to this and just trying to figure it out.

[BobSacamento]

When I meet someone off the site they pretty much get my attention. I stay off unless I have a few others I have been speaking with. But if it was just the one person for a few days then I'd probably stay off and go date to date and see how it goes.

[Lindarose84]

I've tried the multiple dating thing with guys I meet online and find that I always feel guilty. I feel like I'm playing them even though that's obviously the point of online dating- to test the waters with multiple people.

 

I've changed to only dating one person at a time and I let the guy know this. I do it for me so it's fine if he's seeing other people- I just can't. So I guess I would say I stop searching after I've established an attraction for a guy (usually after the first or second date).

 

I don't take my profile down, I just stop logging in.

[WhyMe1980]

I was really interested in this question and thread. I've been seeing a fellow for 2-3 weeks seriously. You know met his kid, date a couple times a week, talk all day long via email & chat. Seems kindof exclusive. I've told him as much. Basically I am a one man woman. As a matter of fact, took my profile on match shortly after the 4th or 5th date.

 

Well, I logged on to match today to see his profile pics again (he had a lot of them) and saw that he had logged on within the past hour. Is it normal that he continues to be active on the site? Does it matter?

[pandagirl]

I had this problem recently with the current guy I'm seeing that I met on a dating site. He was still logging in and updating his profile around the three date mark. Now it's been a little bit longer and, the last time I checked, he hasn't logged back in for the last two weeks or so.

 

I say try not to pay attention too much to his dating profile in the beginnings, but focus on how he is treating you in real life. Of course, if you are having sex, or things progress to a point where you are exclusively dating and he is still checking in profile, maybe it's time to bring it up in conversation.

[Lindarose84]

I was really interested in this question and thread. I've been seeing a fellow for 2-3 weeks seriously. You know met his kid, date a couple times a week, talk all day long via email & chat. Seems kindof exclusive. I've told him as much. Basically I am a one man woman. As a matter of fact, took my profile on match shortly after the 4th or 5th date.

 

Well, I logged on to match today to see his profile pics again (he had a lot of them) and saw that he had logged on within the past hour. Is it normal that he continues to be active on the site? Does it matter?

 

Well, you logged onto match today too. What's to stop him from thinking you're doing the same thing you think he's doing. He could've easily logged on to look at your pictures as well.

 

This is why I just don't log on period when I'm with a new guy- no having to second guess why he's logging on plus he sees I'm not logging on and it hopefully sends him a message that he should stop too.

[BobSacamento]

I was really interested in this question and thread. I've been seeing a fellow for 2-3 weeks seriously. You know met his kid, date a couple times a week, talk all day long via email & chat. Seems kindof exclusive. I've told him as much. Basically I am a one man woman. As a matter of fact, took my profile on match shortly after the 4th or 5th date.

 

Well, I logged on to match today to see his profile pics again (he had a lot of them) and saw that he had logged on within the past hour. Is it normal that he continues to be active on the site? Does it matter?

 

I think 4th or 5th date is a little early. I mean I completely went AWOL on someone before after the 5th date and it was because she wanted to be a little more serious and I wanted to be a bit more casual.

 

I think taking your profile down was perhaps a bad move. It gives him power/hand.

[WhyMe1980]

Right. I did logon myself. But unlike him, I took my profile down (it is not searchable) but his is still. But you are making sense on the logging in "to check" front.

 

I guess I should not do this anymore and focus on what is going on in real life. Frankly he is online and talking to me all day long. So I really can't see how he would have time to continue to date.

 

Just so friggin' insecure in this new world of multiple partners and dating more than one person at a time.

 

Yes, we consummated the relationship. I also did tell him shortly thereafter in a flirting text that I didn't want him hanging out on match anymore because I didn't want to share him.

 

A counselor said something very interesting today. Men do not spend time with women they do not care about.

[WhyMe1980]

I hadn't thought about it that way. LOL. I had so many responses I couldn't get through them all. I guess I was fresh meat in a small market. That was part of the reason I took it down. He knew on date one that the number of responses overwhelmed me and was too much. It just did not occur to me that I was giving him a signal that he was the one. Didn't mean it that way. Still undecided about him really. Just not looking for others to make the call on it but how things pan out between us.

 

Great insight as always Bob. But, frankly I don't see myself putting it back up to make a point at this stage. For all I know he is logging in to check to see if I am back up too. Who knows?

 

I think 4th or 5th date is a little early. I mean I completely went AWOL on someone before after the 5th date and it was because she wanted to be a little more serious and I wanted to be a bit more casual.

 

I think taking your profile down was perhaps a bad move. It gives him power/hand.

[Sam Spade]

This is just a general question about online dating that I'm sure has been covered already....but just wanted some opinions.

 

You meet someone online, you've been out on some good dates....you're both still on the site. A guy I met online and have been out with a few times is still on the site we met on. So am I, and I'm also sort of seeing someone from "real life," so it doesn't bother me that he's still looking. After all it's only been a few dates.

 

But it is weird knowing for a fact that the guy is still looking (and probably vice versa). So how do you deal with that, #1, and #2, how do you know if/when you're supposed to hide or take down your profile? I'm new to this and just trying to figure it out.

 

I log into match.com every once in a while, but only to remind myself how much crap there is out there , and how lucky I am . Even if i happen to jump in to an aoutstanding profile (very, very rare thing), I'm still not doing anything though.