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He keeps disappearing and coming back...


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Old 6th April 2009, 1:29 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 27
He keeps disappearing and coming back...

Met this guy on a dating site. We grew close, but didn't meet until a month after meeting online, after talking every day. I fell for this one fast, everything was fairytale perfect--nothing I've ever experienced. He did everything right. We had been dating for two months(talking for 3 months, including the month before we met in person), things start getting serious--I'm about ready to bring up becoming exclusive, but right around that time--he disappears. This was really, really unlike him--I mean we spoke daily.

He's gone for awhile, a little over a week. I try to contact him, no response. I start loosing hope, moreso by the day. He comes back. He's friendly and warm and cheerful again. I'm slightly cold to him--I'd begun to let go already. He seems hurt by this, assures me he's not like that. he just responds with "yeah, what happened. we got all flakey." No. You became flakey. He gets pouty about my cold behavior. I notice he doesn't mention wanting to see me in person. I bring it up a few times casually, he's friendly but deflects it. Fine. He starts talking to me daily again, often times for a few hours. We have a few long, serious talks about things--relationships. I begin to feel close to him again. He lets me in on something that was going on in his life that might also excuse the disappearance. He mentions wanting to see me. I have hope--but the weekend comes and no word from him. I'm let down. Again.

So obviously, he's not into me. I'm not stupid. Something happened--he met someone else I guess. The hot and coldness must be a direct reflection on what's going on with whatever other girl(s) he's talking too. I know I need to move on--I'm trying, but he's screwing it up by coming and going like this. I won't lie, I do have real feelings for him and every time he comes back all warm and acting like there's hope, some stupid part of me wants to jump back in wholeheartedly. I *am* talking to other guys and dating other people. I'm very proactively seeking someone to replace this one guy. How should I deal with him though? Do I go no contact? Do I tell him to stop talking to me? Should I explain how I feel? I know--if I hold steadfast on ignoring him--he'll eventually start pouting and acting sad, which I know is a lie, but it will still be excruciatingly difficult to deal with. I miss him so much, but it's been nearly 3 weeks since I've seen him. I keep thinking back to all the time we spent together and just wondering how this happened---it was perfect. :/

I *want* so much to tell him how I feel, to just lay it all out there. It probably will make him feel like crap, but he deserves it. You can't treat people this way, playing with their emotions when you're bored or it's looking grim with your other options and then running off again. But would it just make me look pathetic? Tell me what to do.
anya85 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th April 2009, 2:41 AM   #2
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Tell him that you like him but his behaviour is unacceptable, and he either agrees to treat you properly or you will end the relationship. If he says he'll improve, make sure he knows that if he gets flaky again he's out the door. Being assertive and stating your position is not the same as being pathetic - being pathetic is crying and moaning "I luurve you... why don't you luuurve me?" and letting him walk all over you. However, if I'm honest it doesn't sound hopeful - you're still in the honeymoon period and he's already flaking out on you.
EllieBean is offline   Reply With Quote
 

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