What does "Kinda seeing someone" mean?

[nathan311]

Story requires a tiny bit of background.

 

This girl and I had two classes together this semester. A month or so into the semester and she began to catch my eye and I would occasionally glance at her. I noticed that she would be looking at me sometimes as well. So we starting talking a little bit before class regularly. One day she comes into lab and blows her friend off to be my lab partner. We spend about 3 hours that night goofing off and helping each other study, and I started to really like her. I decided to ask her for her number next time we talked, but she apparently got sick and missed 2 weeks of classes.

 

I was beginning to forget about it and we ran into each other on campus and started talking. She invited me to lunch with her and her friend. We walked around the mall for a bit and had lunch, and I got her number. I called her a few days later and she was at work so we didn't really talk. I was planning on asking her to go do something during that phone call. Turns out she had to work the next few days, but she can text at work. We were talking about somethings and this is where I messed up. I just kind of out of the blue sent her a text asking if she would like to go out sometime. She sent me a text back saying that she was "kinda seeing someone, and sorry if I gave you the wrong idea".

 

Few days later we see each other and we started talking and walking around campus together. While she was talking to the librarian I kind of wondered off and started talking to another girl from another class, and before she left she said, "Nathan you staying here or coming?". So I gave her the opportunity to leave me behind easily, but she apparently wants my company. We met up and studied for our finals together as well, and she was sort of flirty with me. She gave me some arm punches and laughed at my jokes.

 

So, two nights ago we spent about 4 hours texting each other talking about music and other random little things.

 

So now I'm trying to figure out if she shot me down initially because I was to blunt and we didn't know each other well enough. I really have a hard time believing she's not interested in me at all, but I could just be biased because I want her to. She clearly knows how I feel about her as well. What do you ladies and gentlemen think?

 

Oh and I actually like this girl as a potential friend as well, otherwise I would just ask her straight up what the deal is.

 

P.S. She has never mentioned a boyfriend besides that one text message. She's 19 and I'm 20.

[kashmir]

She wants to be your friend, no more and no less. This is why I usually assume a girl isn't romantically interested in me unless she shows blatantly obvious signs. Just asking you to hang out and spending time with you is not an indicator of interest.

 

Personally, I know these kinds of girls and I do my best to stay away from them. I mean, they're nice and they mean well, but they're so...ignorant. They have no idea that most of the guys they know just want to get in their pants. Thus, they treat them nice like friends, but all it does is lead those guys on more.

 

If she was really interested then she would have never said she was seeing someone, and every girl out there is "kinda" seeing someone - they just hop between boys until they find one that they like more than the others. Sorry man, but you've just got to move on. If you can get her out of your head then keep her as a friend...she could have some hot friends that might be attracted to you and WON'T be kinda seeing someone when you ask them out. If you still like her, then you need to stop seeing her. Either way, don't spend so much time with her.

 

Kudos to you for asking her out. Keep doing that with the girls you meet, and it's just a matter or time before you get one who isn't kinda seeing someone.

[RecordProducer]

She wants to be your friend, no more and no less. This is why I usually assume a girl isn't romantically interested in me unless she shows blatantly obvious signs. Just asking you to hang out and spending time with you is not an indicator of interest.

I agree with this. We girls also want to have guy friends - we don't just want male lovers OR girlfriends. But way too often romance aroses from mere friendship. I also know many people who have chased a girl for a couple years and then - they amrried those girls and lived happily ever after.

 

My advice: be friends with her, don't expect anything, and if things happen, they happen. Most importantly, don't show her that you expect anything. Act as if you get the picture, you've moved on, and now you're just friends. When she sees that you're "kinda seeing" other girls too, she might just want to start "kinda seeing" you, too.

 

They have no idea that most of the guys they know just want to get in their pants.

Oh, this is soooo true. I was probably in my late 20's when I finally came to terms with the fact that most guys just wanted to get in my pants and didn't really care about being my friends - which hurt me and offended me, by the way. At the time, that is. Go figure! Now that I am in my 30's, I take it as a compliment.

[Rebellious]

"Kinda seeing someone" wouldn't deter me. You're friends enough to ask her more about that 'someone'. Or maybe she's a nice girl and doesn't wanna date several guys at once.

[kashmir]

I've gotta say that the line between the dating zone and the friend zone at this age of 18-22 is really really blurry. Anything can happen. While a guy who has to listen to his girl friend whom he has a crush on babble about the guys she likes as though he's one of her girl friends has little chance of getting anywhere with her, a guy who's just a general friend of a girl isn't totally sealed in the friend zone.

 

What I find kind of funny are guys who will do really awesome platonic things for a girl and expect her to interpret it as a romantic gesture. This one guy I know had a crush on this girl who was gung-ho crazy for guster. They were going to be playing at the big concert venue here, and of course she wanted to go. So, he went ahead and got two really good tickets for himself and her...he tolerated guster, unlike me, but he wasn't crazy about them like she was. Anyway, she was so excited and constantly said how she loved him and how awesome he was. The guy thought he was in heaven...for a brief time. They went to the concert and she loved it. She would spend a lot of time with him after that, but they never became bf/gf. He's made moves on her, but she is totally oblivious, so much that it's even kinda funny. He showed her that he could be an awesome friend, but not necessarily an awesome boyfriend. A year later he's kind of given up on her. For our own amusement, I said I'd give him anywhere from $1-5, depending on how daring he was, every time he made a blatantly obvious sexual euphemism to her with it flying right over her head. I think that's helping him get past her.

[Javelin]

She only wants to be your friend.

[Perry]

If she wanted to go out with you, don't ya think she would have, instead of saying "I'm kinda seeing someone"?

[RecordProducer]

Oh, and to answer your question as to what that means... she could be the faithful and sincere type of girl who simply wanted to let you know she is involved with someone, but it's not serious yet (therefore, you kinda have a green light if things don't work out with the other guy). Also, you might be her first choice if she breaks up with this guy. If this turns out to be the case, I would have respect for her for not jumping to the next cute guy even though she's involved, and for being honest.

 

But if she is just like most of us, if she's interested, she'd go for it, and accept the date, but let you know that she's casually seeing someone. I wouldn't let another guy pursue me if I were in a steady relationship or if I had feelings for a recent boyfriend. But if I am just casually dating someone, I'd go on a date, because I am not really interested in the guy I am dating. In any case, I would let the guy know that I am kinda seeing someone.

 

It's totally possible that she's waiting to see where that relationship will go, and if things with the other guy don't work out - you're next on her list.

[TwilightSky]

Oh, and to answer your question as to what that means... she could be the faithful and sincere type of girl who simply wanted to let you know she is involved with someone, but it's not serious yet (therefore, you kinda have a green light if things don't work out with the other guy). Also, you might be her first choice if she breaks up with this guy. If this turns out to be the case, I would have respect for her for not jumping to the next cute guy even though she's involved, and for being honest.

 

But if she is just like most of us, if she's interested, she'd go for it, and accept the date, but let you know that she's casually seeing someone. I wouldn't let another guy pursue me if I were in a steady relationship or if I had feelings for a recent boyfriend. But if I am just casually dating someone, I'd go on a date, because I am not really interested in the guy I am dating. In any case, I would let the guy know that I am kinda seeing someone.

 

It's totally possible that she's waiting to see where that relationship will go, and if things with the other guy don't work out - you're next on her list.

 

I think these are strong possibilites as well. It all depends on the character/personality of the person saying these things.

[nathan311]

We talked last night and she just wants to be friends. I can live with that, she is a really cool person and I'd rather have her in my life in some way. Thanks for the advice and words.

[Bells]

Yeah, I get tired of "KINDA" Seein' someone.... that's like "kinda" being pregnant.

 

Either you're SEEING someone or your not...what's wierd is...that these people insist on not seeing anyone else though. lol

[Cherry Blossom 35]

 

Personally, I know these kinds of girls and I do my best to stay away from them. I mean, they're nice and they mean well, but they're so...ignorant. They have no idea that most of the guys they know just want to get in their pants. Thus, they treat them nice like friends, but all it does is lead those guys on more.

 

And just what is so wrong about enjoying male companionship? A woman likes this guy, likes hanging out nwith him, doesn't really see him as a potential romantic partner, and that makes her ignorant?

 

It doesn't sound at all like this young woman is leading him on. In fact, she told him in so many words initially that she wasn't interested. "I'm kinda seeing someone" is a way to get your point across without hurting the guy's feelings. I've totally done this before. If you want to be friends with someone, then it's going to be a lot harder if you come out with the honmest, straight up truth. No, "Bob", I'm not interested in you. Your nose is a little too big and I don't like the way your breath smells when you get close to me. Also, your laugh is kind of grating.

 

Statements like these are social lubricants. I've said them, and I've heard them. They help everyone save face and preserve the ability to be friends. I have a male friend who I was interested in at one time. I really liked him. He knew I was interested and he told me that it just wasn't a good time for him. He had a lot on his plate, and he didn't think he could deal with dating right now. Did I believe that? No. Did I have a problem with that? No, I knew the deal. We are still friends, and he met his fiance pretty soon after that conversation. BTW, they are a much better match than we would have been.

 

99% of the people out there are not going to be matches with us. Instead of finding ways to denigrate our interests, or to "call them out" when they are trying to save everyone a little bit of face, why don't you just accept that this is not the person for you? Chances are you would eventually feel the same way if you were to actually date. Believe me, you will be much saner if you can brush off rejection rather than allowing it to bruise your ego every time someone doesn't want to go out with you.

 

At any rate, it sounds like Nathan has established that he and this woman will be friends. If he can deal without that without too much angst, it could end up to be a great friendship. And at that age, things change all the time. Who knows what may come out of it. Have fun and enjoy each other. And when you start "kinda seeing someone", I wouldn't be surprised if she is suddenly available.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Yeah, I get tired of "KINDA" Seein' someone.... that's like "kinda" being pregnant.

 

Either you're SEEING someone or your not...what's wierd is...that these people insist on not seeing anyone else though. lol

 

There's nothing weird about it at all. They don't want to see you. Accept it and move one to someone who is interested.

[kashmir]

CB, I didn't mean ignorant in a negative way. Oblivious would have been a better word to use.

 

This girl was very direct and I applaud her for that.

 

I stay away from these girls because I usually don't want them as friends. I don't want to be in the position where I'm hearing a girl babble on about her boyfriend or guys she likes. This is what I'm saying - a lot of girls at this age see guys as either potential boyfriends or equivalents to their girlfriends, and I don't think any heterosexual guy with balls would want to be a girl's sleepover ben and jerry's girl friend. Only a small minority of girls will realize that guys are not like their girl friends and don't want to hear a lot of the crap they talk about. My best friend is a girl, and she falls into this minority of girls...aka she's got a bit of common sense about guys.

[edinsvet]

I think the world is Black and White about such things

Seeing someone or not seeing someone.

Pregnant or Not Pregnant there is no "Kind of" Pregnant

[edinsvet]

i just noticed someone posted the same exact answer

[RecordProducer]

I think the world is Black and White about such things

Seeing someone or not seeing someone.

Pregnant or Not Pregnant there is no "Kind of" Pregnant

That's so not true. If the relationship is not too serious; you're not sure about your feelings or the other person's feelings; if the relationship is so rocky that you're one step away from breaking up; if you broke up, but are sort of trying to work things out; if you just met someone and saw them twice but they are out of town... Many times you can't define things as "seeing someone" in black-or-white terms.