Snicker_ca Posted June 28, 2002 Share Posted June 28, 2002 I have been out on a few dates (about 3 0r 4)with this girl so far so good. I think First question is that everytime we go out and do anything I end up paying for the bill, she has not been even offering and I am afraid I am going to be taken advantage of. right now I am still getting to know her but I am also wondering about what signs I should look for and what to do? Second question is how to tell what she actually thinks about me I feel it is good but I am not sure either because is she just taking advantage of me, why I think that she likes me but I am not sure, what to do, is because she has informed me twice that the new job I got is only 15 minutes away from were she will be going to college at in the fall. Also I don't think a girl will kiss you and hold your hand if she was not interested in me but that is also only done in private, what should I do????? Thanks in advance for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted June 28, 2002 Share Posted June 28, 2002 A lady should never pay for a date. I don't know what you mean by taking advantage of you---because you ask her out and you pay? Ridiculous. A man that cannot pay for a date cannot afford to date. If she likes you, to reciprocate by inviting you to her house for dinner is appropriate--or in a long term relationship to help pay in a pinch is fine---but really! You are courting her--it is expected of a gentleman to pay for the date! Just my opinion. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted June 28, 2002 Share Posted June 28, 2002 It's normal for the guy to pay. The fact that she accepts it is a good sign. I personally never let guys i dont like pay for me ... As for kisses being private - it's not an indicator - some ppl like to go public w/ affection, some don't. Do you have fun with her? Do you like her? Do you feel like she goes out with you because she wants to see you? mentioning the college & work deal is a good sign - she's probably happy that it'll be easy for you two to keep in touch... I don't really see what u'r worried about. Keep courting her if u like her, and stop if u don't... Keep in mind that several dates arent enough to know someone too well, so chances are she's just in the getting to know you stage ... i suppose she likes it so far, but im sure she's still exploring u... so ya- just go have fun w/ it! best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 28, 2002 Share Posted June 28, 2002 Not only should you have paid for those 3 or 4 dates, you should pay for all future ones as well. Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted June 29, 2002 Share Posted June 29, 2002 Many people in our society still feel a man should do all the paying. Have you never experienced this before? Are you the one doing all the asking and planning? If so, you should be prepared to pay. It doesn't sound like she is taking advantage of you. It sounds like she is traditional or uncertain about paying. Does paying bother you? If so, then maybe she's not the right girl for you. Have you discussed values and beliefs? I know it's still early. She continues to go out with you. Sounds good to me. Is there another reason why you are concerned she is using you? There's no sure fire way to tell what she's thinking or feeling. It sounds like you are a little afraid of being hurt. Like you want to get her before she gets you. You can't worry about that too much. If there is a significant red flag I think you will see it. Just enjoy yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. BreakItOffGood Posted June 30, 2002 Share Posted June 30, 2002 I got one for ya. Take her to the crappiest dive in your area and order her meal for her. If she pipes up, belt her one and tell that you get what you pay for. She'll get the hint. Glad to be of help! Mr. BreakItOffGood Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 1, 2002 Share Posted July 1, 2002 Are you giving her the impression that money is no object? Most of the time I can tell if my date can afford me or not. If your loaded you might be taken advantage of. It's your money and you control it. You can still have fun with this girl without all extras. Find out. Instead of taking here and there and spending money left and right, do the opposite and see if she still enjoys being with you and not just your wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
wUnDeRbUg Posted July 1, 2002 Share Posted July 1, 2002 On some things, I consider myself a little old-fashioned and in others, I don't. I definitely, emphatically don't believe that it's a guy's responsibility to pay for all dates, that's awfully unfair, IMO. As a woman, we've (women) have fought for equality for a long time....which is good, but let's stick with it and be consistent. We can't pick and choose, I don't think, where and when we want equality. I work hard for my money, just as a guy I'd date would. Why on earth would I expect him to pay for me all the time? Says who? Geez, I'd feel rotten if I dated a guy who always paid, in fact. Maybe for the first date or two he can pay...but if I see things are clicking and progressing, I'd most definitely take turns paying or something of that nature. Being fair can take on many different forms. He could take me out for an expensive dinner, and I could be the one to invite him over for a nice dinner (making a nice dinner/buying the groceries for same isn't cheap). Or he could take me out for a burger, and I'll be the one to pay for the videos we rent. It doesn't have to be about keeping some kind of scorecard.....but unless you have a brain injury, it doesn't take much to keep mental note of who's paying for what, and taking turns. I've dated some guys who made a lot more money that me.....and I suppose I could have been of the mindset of, "well, he makes tons of money so why shouldn't he pay?".....but I couldn't think like that either. In your situation, does the gal you're dating work at all? Are the things you're doing, things that she couldn't possibly afford? If so, then maybe you should switch to doing much cheaper/affordable things...you don't always have to go out and spend money in a relationship. And most of all, does she seem thankful when you have paid for these dates? Does she at least make a real effort to thank you for dinner or drinks or taking her out or whatever? If not, that's horribly rude and ungrateful and a sign of trouble. If there's not even a "thank you" then I'd say she EXPEcTS you to pay her way, and she doesn't even appreciate it. That would be even more of a sign of trouble than someone who never offers to help with paying, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 i don't really understand your question "am i beling used" what do you try to say? you are abused mentally? or physically? i really need more info from you so that i can you best advice if you feel that you pay too much and have nothing return, i don't blame you for thinking that way. YOU HAVE 2 OPTIONS 1-STOP DATING HER and LOOKING FOR ANOTHER GIRL 2-STOP GOING OUT Link to post Share on other sites
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