Could my race be holding me back from online dating?

[OpenGL]

I know this might sound ridiculous but hear me out.

 

So I have been single for about a year or so but I have been actively trying to date for some time now. After being very unsuccessful at finding what I am looking for at the bar scene I turned to online dating. Now a bit about myself. I am 25 years old, extremely successful for my age, and I have pretty good looks. I'm in shape and semi-muscular. Nothing ridiculous of course, but I do have strength. Anyhow to make a long story short, I'd say I'm a pretty good eligible bachelor (not being arrogant but I'm confident in myself) and I know I'm at least attractive enough to get the attention of women out in the street. With that said, I am a black man.

 

So I have my online profile on quite a few sites from match, yahoo, etc with a very articulate profile (I'm a part time writer). For reference I looked a quite a few profiles from both men and women, and I'd have to say at least 80% of the men's profile is nothing but incomprehensible blather and women's profiles are very bare (as in only 1-2 sentences written, if any). It goes without saying that compared to most of the profiles on that site that mines is pretty exceptional. I also have very good pics along with the profile.

 

Well after about 4-5 months of usage (I ordered 6 month subcriptions at each site, along with the usage of some free sites like plentyoffish), I'd have to say that at first I was very confused as to why close to 95% of my emails get completely ignored, but I'm starting to think it could be because for some reason online dating sites draw a completely difference demographic of women than what is representented in real life. One that for one reason or another is race intolerant (or at least intorleant to blacks).

 

I didn't even think of this at first but I it came to light when I started to use craigslists about a few weeks ago in addion to the sites I've been using. After doing some research as to what other men were posting on craigslists, I create some very unique, articulate and specific posts that I knew would stand out and get attention. Sure enough the responses came rolling in and I exchanged a few emails with these women. However when it came time to exchange pics, every single time I sent out my pics I would never hear from these women again. It absolutely never failed, every single time without any exception. What could this be about? I know I am a attractive man, and I am articulate enough to converse with these women and keep their attention until they see my pics.

 

So what I did was create a different ad but this time state in the ad that I am a single black man (SBM), and let me tell you what a difference. I didn't get a single reply.

 

So what is the deal here? Is this normal behavior for women online? Am I unqiue in my experience? I would appretiate some insight here.

[Adamagnet]

Par for the online course. Race is irrelevant, competition is not.

[Ronni_W]

OpenGL, yes, I think it could be what you are suspecting (or have confirmation of?) it being.

 

Some battles are harder won than others. There isn't any other rational explanation that my brain can compute. Neither can it come up with any "solutions."

 

Would you consider contacting any of those women who received your pics, and asking them, as eloquently as you did here, if they are willing to confirm your thoughts or offer their own truth?

[alphamale]

if one is trying to date outside their race it is just one more hurdle to jump...i couldn't determine if you're trying to do this

[OpenGL]

Would you consider contacting any of those women who received your pics, and asking them, as eloquently as you did here, if they are willing to confirm your thoughts or offer their own truth?

 

Never thought to try this but I would imagine it would reek of desperation if I try to email these women after they have obviously decided that they are not interested in me for whatever reason.

[OpenGL]

if one is trying to date outside their race it is just one more hurdle to jump...i couldn't determine if you're trying to do this

 

If this was the 60s I suppose so but given that this is 2008 I wouldn't think that dating outside your race was a hurdle to jump through. I really don't have these problems out in the real world as my last gf was of a different race (not that it even matters to me).

[Ronni_W]

Never thought to try this but I would imagine it would reek of desperation

I wasn't thinking in terms of you then trying to get them 're-interested' -- more as a way to satisfy your own questions. I don't even have any idea if they will give you honest answers...I'd rather suspect not, in fact. It's just that you have the question, and they have your answers.

If this was the 60s I suppose so but

Well, that's what I meant about some battles...

I do think that, even today, it can be "just one more hurdle" as Alpha pointed out. Maybe not as BIG a hurdle is in the 60s, maybe even a MUCH lower hurdle, but a hurdle nonetheless.

 

Opinions, of course. How can we know, for sure?

[Ruby Slippers]

If this was the 60s I suppose so but given that this is 2008 I wouldn't think that dating outside your race was a hurdle to jump through. I really don't have these problems out in the real world as my last gf was of a different race (not that it even matters to me).

I dated a black man for a little while about five years ago (I'm white). We had no problem with it, but we were both saddened to learn that our parents did. My dad is somewhat racist (I do not get along with him for many reasons), and he did not hide his disappointment about it. And when the guy was visiting his family out of town for Christmas, he told me that when he told his parents about me and showed them a picture, his mom said, "I wish you would bring home a nice black girl." We both got a sick feeling from the whole thing.

 

I stopped seeing him for an unrelated reason, but I can see how the obstrusive opinions of others could be a real downer in a long-term interracial relationship. And you know, as I get older, I am realizing more and more than way too many people are conformists who do not think for themselves. Given all this, you might have better luck with black women.

[You'reasian]

Think of online dating as a commodity good. It is - since it only costs $14.99 per month to subscribe. That being said, economically speaking, you are getting about $15 worth of service per month. Some program (or person) is scanning your profile, matching it with others (some real, some phishing attempts) and telling you whom you 'match' with.

 

If you have no other means of meeting people, then by all means focus on using online services. It is almost a 'passive' method of meeting people. Every female that you send a request to, receives about 100 other requests - the competition does not favor you, unless you have something that truly stands waaay out in terms of appearance (visual)

 

Try this.

 

Creat a fake dating profile. Use believeable model-esque pics from someone who will give you permission to use them. Write very little about yourself - or write something that almost sounds 7th grade level and you will get many responses.

 

Use your own pic (as you describe yourself to be decent looking, educated, eloquent) and see who gets the most responses.

 

Online dating is even more visual based than real dating. Isn't that bizzare? Since standing before you in real life is a living, breathing, moving, laughing, thinking human being - not a stand still picture.

[alphamale]

Try this.

 

Creat a fake dating profile. Use believeable model-esque pics from someone who will give you permission to use them. Write very little about yourself - or write something that almost sounds 7th grade level and you will get many responses.

i did that and got hundreds of responses from grade A women under the age of 30. still get 'em to this day but i've never responded to even one

 

actually i think theres a very old thread on it here that i started

[Isolde]

The truth is online dating isn't representative of the real world. A disproportionate number of men AND women using OLD are losers.

 

In the real world, women who get to know you are far more likely to overcome their prejudices about dating a black guy, if they have them to begin with. Online, it's just so easy to click that "x" and delete. But why take it personally--online rejections are NOT real rejections in my book.

[Mindee]

Hi,

 

I am a black woman and I believe that online dating is essentially the same as any other kind of dating as far as race preference. Someone who is not interested in you online will probably not be interested in you at a bar (or wherever).

 

Race, in my opinion, is not really a factor...neither is size, or baldness, or any of the multitude of things we pick over. They're just personal preferences which you have zero control over. The point is, you have to find someone who is compatable with you. If you need to convince them that you are worthy...clearly they are not the one. There are PLENTY of women (of all races) who are interested in sincerity, intelligence, and a nice smile. ALWAYS POST A PICTURE WITH A SMILE!

 

Use online dating as just another tool to meet people and not the exclusive avenue for dating. Have fun and don't take any of it too seriously. You only need the right one, not many wrong ones.

 

Peace....

[alphamale]

Someone who is not interested in you online will probably not be interested in you at a bar (or wherever)...

i TOTALLY disagree with that. everyone online looks the same. in real life everyone is different.

[conifer]

Why don't you post looking for a black girl?

[monkey00]

Being an asian guy and having done online dating and meeting girls in person..I don't really see race as an issue. Most people do have a preference when it comes to dating, and many prefer to date within their own race.

 

I've been lucky when it comes to dating interracially, so I have nothing to complain about. Most of the time I don't even think about the race thing at all when I'm doing it online or meeting in person. I can't hold it against someone if they choose not to want to get to know me or go on a date. If they're not attracted to me then they're not, I just have to find the right person that is.

 

If you go at attempting interracial dating with the wrong mindset it only hinders you. Think of it as a glass being half full. According to polls, online dating is a challenge for any male because of the lack of responses from females because they are bombarded by emails daily from men of all types.

[Miranda1]

I know this might sound ridiculous but hear me out.

 

So I have been single for about a year or so but I have been actively trying to date for some time now. After being very unsuccessful at finding what I am looking for at the bar scene I turned to online dating. Now a bit about myself. I am 25 years old, extremely successful for my age, and I have pretty good looks. I'm in shape and semi-muscular. Nothing ridiculous of course, but I do have strength. Anyhow to make a long story short, I'd say I'm a pretty good eligible bachelor (not being arrogant but I'm confident in myself) and I know I'm at least attractive enough to get the attention of women out in the street. With that said, I am a black man.

 

So I have my online profile on quite a few sites from match, yahoo, etc with a very articulate profile (I'm a part time writer). For reference I looked a quite a few profiles from both men and women, and I'd have to say at least 80% of the men's profile is nothing but incomprehensible blather and women's profiles are very bare (as in only 1-2 sentences written, if any). It goes without saying that compared to most of the profiles on that site that mines is pretty exceptional. I also have very good pics along with the profile.

 

Well after about 4-5 months of usage (I ordered 6 month subcriptions at each site, along with the usage of some free sites like plentyoffish), I'd have to say that at first I was very confused as to why close to 95% of my emails get completely ignored, but I'm starting to think it could be because for some reason online dating sites draw a completely difference demographic of women than what is representented in real life. One that for one reason or another is race intolerant (or at least intorleant to blacks).

 

I didn't even think of this at first but I it came to light when I started to use craigslists about a few weeks ago in addion to the sites I've been using. After doing some research as to what other men were posting on craigslists, I create some very unique, articulate and specific posts that I knew would stand out and get attention. Sure enough the responses came rolling in and I exchanged a few emails with these women. However when it came time to exchange pics, every single time I sent out my pics I would never hear from these women again. It absolutely never failed, every single time without any exception. What could this be about? I know I am a attractive man, and I am articulate enough to converse with these women and keep their attention until they see my pics.

 

So what I did was create a different ad but this time state in the ad that I am a single black man (SBM), and let me tell you what a difference. I didn't get a single reply.

 

So what is the deal here? Is this normal behavior for women online? Am I unqiue in my experience? I would appretiate some insight here.

 

Hi, there should be some dating websites that have a more multicultural membership. But I think it's always nicer to meet people in real life than on-line. You can tell then if there is any chemistry or not. Good luck!

[Okeydokey]

well, what you are describing is a big bummer. i wonder if it would be good to ask some of your friends or someone on this site that you trust to look at one of your profiles and give you some feedback about what they think might be the problem. i'd be surprised if it was your race that is causing problems. makes sense that a few people might not be interested for that reason because some people just suck, but it sounds like this is a pretty consistent reaction that you are getting. so, it sounds like there must be something else going on.

[Bells]

I know this might sound ridiculous but hear me out.

 

So I have been single for about a year or so but I have been actively trying to date for some time now. After being very unsuccessful at finding what I am looking for at the bar scene I turned to online dating. Now a bit about myself. I am 25 years old, extremely successful for my age, and I have pretty good looks. I'm in shape and semi-muscular. Nothing ridiculous of course, but I do have strength. Anyhow to make a long story short, I'd say I'm a pretty good eligible bachelor (not being arrogant but I'm confident in myself) and I know I'm at least attractive enough to get the attention of women out in the street. With that said, I am a black man.

 

So I have my online profile on quite a few sites from match, yahoo, etc with a very articulate profile (I'm a part time writer). For reference I looked a quite a few profiles from both men and women, and I'd have to say at least 80% of the men's profile is nothing but incomprehensible blather and women's profiles are very bare (as in only 1-2 sentences written, if any). It goes without saying that compared to most of the profiles on that site that mines is pretty exceptional. I also have very good pics along with the profile.

 

Well after about 4-5 months of usage (I ordered 6 month subcriptions at each site, along with the usage of some free sites like plentyoffish), I'd have to say that at first I was very confused as to why close to 95% of my emails get completely ignored, but I'm starting to think it could be because for some reason online dating sites draw a completely difference demographic of women than what is representented in real life. One that for one reason or another is race intolerant (or at least intorleant to blacks).

 

I didn't even think of this at first but I it came to light when I started to use craigslists about a few weeks ago in addion to the sites I've been using. After doing some research as to what other men were posting on craigslists, I create some very unique, articulate and specific posts that I knew would stand out and get attention. Sure enough the responses came rolling in and I exchanged a few emails with these women. However when it came time to exchange pics, every single time I sent out my pics I would never hear from these women again. It absolutely never failed, every single time without any exception. What could this be about? I know I am a attractive man, and I am articulate enough to converse with these women and keep their attention until they see my pics.

 

So what I did was create a different ad but this time state in the ad that I am a single black man (SBM), and let me tell you what a difference. I didn't get a single reply.

 

So what is the deal here? Is this normal behavior for women online? Am I unqiue in my experience? I would appretiate some insight here.

 

This goes to show....a GOOD looking, successful guy who is relatively athletic.....gets ignored...what chance does even an Average JOE have, you know?

 

It's stories like these, that make people want to quit online dating completely.

 

It also shows how unrealistic the people he emails are.

[edinsvet]

OK so you say you are a good looking guy good figure etc

but when you send the photos people drop out.

nobody here thinks it is about race so

Post the photos or a link to them.

 

So we can all see what it is about these photos

[taiko]

This goes to show....a GOOD looking, successful guy who is relatively athletic.....gets ignored...what chance does even an Average JOE have, you know?

 

It's stories like these, that make people want to quit online dating completely.

 

It also shows how unrealistic the people he emails are.

 

I'm not sure if I agree. If the other posters are correct and any available women gets hundreds of hits then she will screen. Unless she is looking for a blackman guess what one of the first screens will be.

 

Even if we say it doesn't matter we first look to our own ethnic/religious group and then make an outward spiral. Blacks tend to be at the end of the line in that situation. While we see many black male/other couples on the street that is because of the numbers of blackmen and many Latinos are seen as white at a glance.

 

I'm sure there are sites which specialize in people looking for multi-cultural relationships I would suggest trying those as some folks look outside of their own national/ethnic group by choice and you only have to pass their last screen instead of their first screen.

[You'reasian]

Asian....ish here.

 

Had some success with online dating long ago, but I don't really use it that much today, mainly because it is a passive method and that it doesn't do much for the live person you're going to meet.

 

Why not follow your own interests and if someone comes along, introduce yourself?

[flc]

The truth is online dating isn't representative of the real world. A disproportionate number of men AND women using OLD are losers.

 

I have dated about 15 women all met online, not one was a loser. So I am not sure why you think this?

 

Getting a 10% response online is probably what you can expect regardless of race for a man. You can do some things to help that like have an articulate profile, nice pictures and write a good email but in the end the person is going to probably screen the email on whether they are physically attracted to you, read the email and see if you are interesting and if so read your profile. Only as that point might you get a response. I have sent emails to 10 women and gotten no replies and I have on other occasions sent email to 3 women and gotten 2 replies. The key is to be patient, don't limit yourself to one site or online look offline as well.

[SushiX]

It has nothing to do with race. It's their preference whether they like you or not. And the competition is fierce on dating sites. Even the ugliest females get bombarded with emails everyday. So they get selective. You gotta be unique to stand a chance.