LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th October 2008, 1:15 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2
Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we're both 20 years old and all of a sudden our sex life has become pretty nonexistant. For the first year or so, we had plentiful sex, basically everyday; it was wonderful. But lately for the past 6 months or so, we've only had sex probably about once or twice a month. I still really want him and am turned on by him, but says he doesn't feel like it or he's not in the mood. I really don't understand what's going on.

When I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know and that he's just been stressed and everything..... but for 6 months??? I asked if he was no longer attracted to me, but he says im beautiful and that he loves me. He also said he wants me to be happy and says he wants to do whats best for me, but doesn't want to lose me. I'm so confused. I really love him, and I know he's not cheating on me... and he still says he jacks off probably once a week, so I know he still gets horney....

Does anyone have any ideas of how I can save our relationship??? I'm so lost.
sweetstarzzz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 1:44 AM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 18
Something is wrong. You both need to talk this out. This is the mistake that all women make when they decide to live together without that marriage certificate. The wheels are grinding in his head and he may be thinking about bailing out because he doesn't want to lose his freedom. Women your age are more permenant commitment oriented then young guys. Young guys almost always go into a situation without thinking; basically we are oblivious at that age. Once we wake up then one or two things will happen total commitment of terrified flight. Talk with him and if he doesn't want to then he probably is weighing to pros and cons of ending the relationship. That my two guy cents. Check out my post and you'll understand.........
BKLovesWho is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 1:48 AM   #3
Member
 
Green's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 10,646
how tall are you and how much do you weigh?
Green is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 9:11 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Lucky_One's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: midwest
Posts: 3,720
He's awfully young to have problems with ED or anything; if he were older, I would think maybe he was having problems with his erection and was embarrassed - my advice then would be to see a doctor.

And I would think that masturbating once a week isn't really "horny" at 20; I would expected more than that, esp if he is a guy who has been used to cumming every day.

Financial issues? Is he worried about something? Commitment issues? Are you pressuring him to move in together or to get engaged?

So other than that, and other than him having a physical issue, I would think that he is getting it somewhere else. I can promise you 10000% - you would be surprised at how easy it is to be wrong about assuming that someone is not cheating on you!
Lucky_One is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 10:02 AM   #5
Member
 
riotgrrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 14
well this is probably what you don't want to hear but about 4 years into a relationship a guy i was dating stopped being interested in sex. turns out he was carrying on an emotional and eventually a physical affair. he was guilty and thats why it went from a lot to like 1x a month.
riotgrrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 10:04 AM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Verulamium, England
Posts: 6,451
Quote:
Originally Posted by KMT View Post
how tall are you and how much do you weigh?
What does this have to do with anything?
Careful how you answer, now......
Geishawhelk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 10:08 AM   #7
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2
well im not fat... if thats what youre asking. im 5'7 130lbs and pretty athletic so thats not the issue.

we aren't living together, we both go to school full time and have our own apartments. i think it may be the whole commitment phobia thing... im not sure...
sweetstarzzz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 10:21 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Lucky_One's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: midwest
Posts: 3,720
It has been a few years since I was 20, but I don't think times have changed that much. Guys are easily able to compartmentalize things like "bust a nut" and "commitment issues". If he wants to have sex, then he is going to have sex.

It just sounds like he is spending a lot of time somewhere else (in his head, in his heart, in his bed, who knows?); guys simply don't go from daily to once every two weeks when they are 20.

IF it is the commitaphobia thing, then what is the current situation with your commitment? Future joint plans? Are you pushing for a ring or to live together?
Lucky_One is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 10:28 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: out of my mind
Posts: 320
do you know what turns him on or what he's into?
does he have any fetishes?
i mean even the most boring guys in bed have something they like...
... maybe you can cater to that

i've been in several long-term relationships and sometimes the interest in sex just naturally wanes because there is no more spark or newness about it. maybe you can get a sex book and show it to him. i have a great one called "the guide to getting it on" and when our time in the sack gets boring i look at it and am like, "ooh check out chapter 10... lets try that"

do you think he would be open to that?
serialgf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 11:21 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Have you had any issues that have come up lately? Fights about a certain issue? When I was with my ex boyfriend, we began having issues (he lied to be about several important things). I still loved him but I felt that our relationship was strained so I didn't feel connected enough to have sex with him. He would literally beg me to have sex with him, but I just didn't have the passion to anymore. This may be a "girl reaction" though. Men generally don't have sex for the "emotional connection" as women do.

Other possibilities:
1. He is getting it elsewhere
2. He has lost interest and doesn't have the guts to tell you
3. He is depressed or having some kind of mental health issue

He said he wants to do what is best for you. I think you should tell him what is "best for you" is that he talk to you about what is REALLY going on. Tell him you are really upset and worried about this and that you would like some answers.
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 11:40 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: You don't know what you are missing. Other then political corruption, insane property tax and road rage. There is a new sheriff in town New Jersey.
Posts: 3,611
How much porn does he look at?
Jersey Shortie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 11:57 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Northern Arizona
Posts: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey Shortie View Post
How much porn does he look at?
And does it involve other men? :P
joshaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 1:30 PM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 4
I sounds to me like he loves you and does not want to hurt you. He knows your a good girl and would probably be the type of girl to be commited to. however he is young and he may want to explore.
Rainbow78 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 1:32 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Lizzie60's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,438
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetstarzzz View Post
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we're both 20 years old and all of a sudden our sex life has become pretty nonexistant. For the first year or so, we had plentiful sex, basically everyday; it was wonderful. But lately for the past 6 months or so, we've only had sex probably about once or twice a month. I still really want him and am turned on by him, but says he doesn't feel like it or he's not in the mood. I really don't understand what's going on.

When I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know and that he's just been stressed and everything..... but for 6 months??? I asked if he was no longer attracted to me, but he says im beautiful and that he loves me. He also said he wants me to be happy and says he wants to do whats best for me, but doesn't want to lose me. I'm so confused. I really love him, and I know he's not cheating on me... and he still says he jacks off probably once a week, so I know he still gets horney....

Does anyone have any ideas of how I can save our relationship??? I'm so lost.
Wow.. I think your bf is getting indifferent to you.. bored.. whatever..
or he might have someone else.
Lizzie60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2008, 5:36 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Enema's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geishawhelk View Post
What does this have to do with anything?
Careful how you answer, now......
I think it meant exactly what you think it meant.

Valid question when sex drive plummets!

yes yes, I know she's answered it - I just wanted to stir.
__________________
Suppose we've chosen the wrong god, everytime we got to church we're making him madder and madder. - H J Simpson.
Enema is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Being Ignored by Boyfriend..? Maluenda Dating 6 25th June 2008 3:23 PM
Do girls go from boyfriend to boyfriend? Guest Dating 19 25th December 2006 11:56 AM
I have cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years with my ex boyfriend! cake Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 25 8th December 2005 5:05 PM
I Cheated on my Boyfriend, with my Friend's 2-year boyfriend Mack Friendship 5 8th September 2005 10:26 AM
confused between my x-boyfriend and my boyfriend confusednow Getting Married 3 23rd September 2004 6:45 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:33 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.