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How to react when a guy seems to be losing interest?


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Old 5th September 2008, 9:58 AM   #1
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How to react when a guy seems to be losing interest?

If a guy you like and have been dating for a few weeks starts calling a lot less (once a week instead of 3-4 times) and only replies to your messages days later how should you react? I figure I got 2 options:

1) Don't contact him anymore and see if he will get in touch again, even if he was the one to write last.

2) Reply to his messages at about the same intervalls as he does and play it cool.

Thanks for your replies.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:03 AM   #2
 
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Question More info please

What caused the losing interests?

Give more info please.

Did he call 3-4 times a week only to get one return call from you? It could be just that people lose interests and it is time to just move on. It could be almost anything.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:05 AM   #3
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I think you should pull back and go "no contact" with him. If you have only dated a few weeks he may be dating someone else also. Did you have sex with him yet?
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:06 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gottabestrong View Post
If a guy you like and have been dating for a few weeks starts calling a lot less (once a week instead of 3-4 times) and only replies to your messages days later how should you react? I figure I got 2 options:

1) Don't contact him anymore and see if he will get in touch again, even if he was the one to write last.

2) Reply to his messages at about the same intervalls as he does and play it cool.

Thanks for your replies.
I think you should mirror his behaviour, so number two.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:08 AM   #5
 
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Have you been intimate with him?

Ignore him.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:11 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerbear View Post
What caused the losing interests?

Give more info please.

Did he call 3-4 times a week only to get one return call from you? It could be just that people lose interests and it is time to just move on. It could be almost anything.
I don't know what caused his losing interest. 2 weeks ago I did not hear from him for 4 days and when I called him he said he had sent me an email, which apparently did not arrive. I thought everything was fine, but I sent him an email last friday and he only replied on tuesday without answering any of my questions or asking me anything.

So now I don't know what to do. Should I contact him again even though it would be his turn to initiate contact and he just doesn't seem that interested anymore, or should I let it be and wait to see if he will call me again.

Oh, and I always returned his calls, but due to our frequent calls and messages you could not really say who initiated them. One of us was always calling back the other one.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:12 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Did you have sex with him yet?
Yes, we became intimate in July after about a month of dating.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:27 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Gottabestrong View Post
Yes, we became intimate in July after about a month of dating.
Drop him, move on
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:31 AM   #9
 
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Sounds like he got his prize and lost interests.

Instead of calling him, just move on.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:39 AM   #10
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Doesn't sound good. I would point blank ask him if he thinks things are over. Tell him that you've noticed the drop off in calls and overall attentiveness.

Afterall, you two have been sleeping together. I do think he owes you the respect of communication.

He doesn't have to give it to you, but you will know after you ask him. If he doesn't respond or fails to change his behavior, you've got your answer. It's over and he's a big wimp who won't tell you.

If he quickly changes things by calling you more often and being more responsive, then he wants to be together.

If he doesn't change his behavior, then you can move on knowing it's done and you don't have to say another word to him. You'll know you did the right thing by communicating to him before cutting things off.

It would be hard for me to go away quietly into the night. I wouldn't make it so easy on him. If he wants things to be done, then he would probably prefer to have you just fade away so he wouldn't have to deal with a break up.

That says a lot about his character, or lack thereof.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:55 AM   #11
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I would move on, not even bothering to return his late response. He's given you no courtesy so you don't need to be courteous.

Since the two of you were just dating and not in an exclusive relationship, start dating others.
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Old 5th September 2008, 10:59 AM   #12
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Silence sandwich and look around at all the guys who will pay attention to you
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Old 5th September 2008, 11:00 AM   #13
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You do nothing at all that's what.

You don't panic, you don't overcompensate for his withdrawl, you certainly don't chase him and initate contact with him when he is not responding, basically you don't chase let him come back to you when he is read IF he is read. But you don't sit around waiting either. Get on with your life, you just started dating this guy and men somtimes get really intimate with a girl soon and suddenly feel a need to withdraw to recalibrate it's normal, it is how guys are wired sometimes. OR it could just mean he lost interest, confronting him is not going to make him get any closer to you or even going to offer you the truth.


Now if you keep your cool and this goes on for X amount of time (you decide how long you want to give him) then there is your answer, it more than likely means he is not coming back. Then you can confront him and ask him what happened.

Look you've only been dating a few weeks just because you slept together it doesn't mean you are now in a relationship. Though being intimate to you may mean you are exclusive to him it may not. Next time maybe wait a little longer before you get intimate with a guy and get to know him more on an emotional level and cement a stronger foundation so that when you do sleep together you don't have to play guessing games.
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Old 5th September 2008, 11:52 AM   #14
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Thank you all for your replies guys!

I basically agree with what most of you are saying (don't reply and move on), but it is hard not to second-guess myself as I really like him and thought everything was going great.

Today it has been 7 days since I last contacted him and it is a stuggle every day not to call, but I hope it will get easier with time. When I get weak in my resolve I will just come back here and read your advice and hopefully that will help me stay strong.
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Old 5th September 2008, 12:03 PM   #15
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The minute you start gaming or playing someone else's games, is the minute you lose because it's not what you really want.

When the other party starts the withdrawal games and you withdraw just to reel them back, it only hurts you. This is why it's key to start uninvesting, dating around, because people who play games while dating aren't really invested or at least as invested as you are. I doubt you want imbalanced interactions since all it does is erode on your sense of security, which can cause you to hold on tighter/cling.

Hopefully that makes sense.
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