"Angels sing", "friends" zone, myspace deletion, etc, ad nauseum.

[trigger]

Girl meets guy from local online personals ad.

 

Girl and guy are immediately attracted to each other and have everything in common. A cosmic, mind-blowing metaphysical experience. This is the "one". She is more certain of this than she has ever been of anything.

 

Girl and guy make out. Girls declines sex.

 

2 weeks later, guy says he's not over previous girl. "It's like a mental illness," he says. Girl says, "Ok, I understand."

 

Guy and girl continue to hang out for several months, as friends, or something, at guy's request.

 

No more making out. No sex.

 

Girl falls madly for guy. Girl is pretty sure guy has feelings, by the way he looks at her when he thinks he can't see it, but assumes he is afraid. But maybe he's is keeping her around, just in case. Girl assumes it's healthier anyway to be friends for a while.

 

Girl posts on Loveshack the following topic:

 

"I finally found him...the angels sing....BUT..."

 

[No he didn't forget her birthday, he just didn't know about it, and was sad she didn't invite him to her birthday activities.]

 

__________________________________

 

 

After 5 months, girl can't stand it anymore, talks to guy.

 

Guy still has issues about previous girl, as well as self-esteem problems, and is very confused. Says he's had feelings for someone else for a long time, but that it's complicated. "I don't want to talk about it." Girl knows guy is a bit obsessive about girls but only after they break up with him, and doesn't know when to let go until the ex gets freaked out. Guy admits to being very emotionally absentee while in a relationship and says it wouldn't be fair to do that to me. Girl calls guy an idiot for missing his chance, and says his reasons sound like excuses.

 

Guy says, "I'm not saying it could never happen." Between him and I. Says girl would have to quit smoking first, anyway.

 

Guy and girl hang out a couple more times.

 

Guy's emotional distance bugs the ****e outta girl. Girl has been understanding until now, because she knows it takes him a long time to be comfortable around anyone, just like it is for her. But feels a line should be drawn at some point.

 

Girl says, "Maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore until if/when you are emotionally available."

 

Guys proclaims, "If I am hurting you, you are right. I'm trying to sort out a lot of things right now, I know I've hurt some of my friends. You are not the only one to say this to me. I care for you immensely even if you don't think I do and I will be thinking of you."

 

Girl cries in the shed in her backyard, her one and only time a tear has fallen during this whole story.

 

But not in front of him.

 

__________________________________

 

 

Guy and girl exchange brief messages occasionally. One day girl caves and says she misses his company. Guys says he's feeling anti-social and still not himself but is starting to sort stuff out. Girl tells him he's fantastic and is there for him if he needs a friend.

 

Girl sends "Happy birthday" text on guy's birthday. No response.

 

Girl finds special photograph she took of him that she worked hard on posted on his personals ad profile. The only photograph of himself he ever liked. Girl is pissed and makes slightly snarky remark about it. Guys says "It's not what you think."

 

Girl realizes she is verging on losing herself, deletes guy from Myspace and phone as a safeguard from knowing anything about his life or the temptation to contact him. For her own sanity only, not to get a response from him.

 

Guy immediately realizes he has been deleted and sends message: "What's up? Don't get antisocial. I was using that photograph to get in touch with someone I already knew, but didn't know how else to contact them. What do you expect of me anyway? You are my friend and I care about you even if you think I don't."

 

Guy deletes photo from Myspace and personals ad.

 

Girl replies 4 days later, after much thought. "Don't delete the photo, it gave me a lot of pleasure to have made it for you. I don't expect anything of you. Being friends with you just doesn't work for me, that's all. Sorry. I tried."

 

This was a couple weeks ago.

 

Silence.

 

__________________________________

 

 

Girl is in band with good friend of guy. Girl is talking with other girl member of band about this frustrating "relationship" because other girl is going through one of her own.

 

Mutual guy friend overhears and says "are you talking about [Guy]?" This sets girl off and she talks about guy's intimacy problems and problems with women. She says "He's the biggest idiot I've ever known. We are exactly the same."

 

Mutual friend says "That's what he said to me. He said 'I can't date myself'. I'm sorry, I know he is a bit crazy and he does have intimacy problems, so I understand."

 

This makes girl sad. Girl would kill to date herself. Which is why she loves him. She loves herself through him, in a way, and it devastates her that he doesn't love himself.

 

She finds this to be worse than mere unrequited love.

 

__________________________________

 

 

Girl is beginning to date other people, but still thinks about him everyday. Girl feels that the truth of the matter is that he doesn't really care for her that much after all.

 

Girl feels regretful for deleting him and cutting him out of his life. Wonders if her behavior was too dramatic, seeing as that they never officially "went out". Is afraid of never seeing him again, of never hearing from him again. Girl gets depressed, and feels she somehow messed up fate. Girl feels stupid for agreeing to continue to be friends with him at the beginning. Girl wonders if she got too attached, too obsessed?

 

Girl maybe just needs support? Objectivity?

 

Girl doesn't know.

[trigger]

Girl also wonders if he was just looking for sex in the first place, and lost interest when she didn't deliver. Ugh.

 

I will stop talking in 3rd person now.

[Legend]

I read it all, had something really long typed out, and lost it due to the boards going down. I'm lost due to all the third person stuff... I'd say he prob still feels rejected.

[trigger]

Awww...thanks anyway. Sorry if the 3rd person stuff is a bit annoying, but, surprisingly, I think it did help me put the whole thing in perspective.

[Krytie TV]

2 weeks later, guy says he's not over previous girl. "It's like a mental illness," he says. Girl says, "Ok, I understand."

 

Guy and girl continue to hang out for several months, as friends, or something, at guy's request.

 

This is where it all went wrong. This tired old script was written before everything else happened. When "girl" decided to be friends in this situation, she was essentially begging for all of the rest to happen, as it did. It couldn't and wouldn't have gone any other way. Maybe you'll learn in time, but this was always the way this was going to end.

 

People insist on pursuing unavailable people and wonder why this happens. When you punch yourself in the face, do you not expect a bruise?

[Racquel Colette]

I totally agree. I would never date a guy who told me "I have issues with my ex."