gonetildecember Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 [sIZE=2]i met a guy in may through a friend, and never really thought much of it. the next day she mentionned he was interested, but i was kind of still involved with someone else.. so i didnt really let it affect me.. altho i thought he was a nice guy and attractive and all that.. we went out a few times in group settings and he was always nice and polite but nothing ever really happened and i never really noticed any flirting on his part one day, after ending what i had going on before.. we were at the beach and ended up clicking (talking) we went to see a movie with the group and since then have seen each other practically everyday since- its been about a month.. during that time we've gotten very close.. i've met all of his friends...he's mentionned his dad wants to meet me, we hold hands whenever we're together.. recently had sex.. etc the thing is i dont know where its headed and i want to hold off a bit longer before we have "the talk"... i like the going with the flow thing.. but the thing is.. he hasnt had a gf or dated someone seriously in about 3.5 years... so i'm thinking is he anti relationship and when the summer ends are we jsut gonna go our separate ways .... or .. could this actually be something. i do get really good vibes from him, and especially lately he's been making comments which based on assumption i could take as possible hints for the future.. but i just wanted some insight from some others.. if after a month he hasnt brought anything up.. is it just a fling to him? i must also add my last breakup was TERRIBLE lol.. some of u may remember.. so i may be a bit if a skeptic. [/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
cr8sea Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 Well from my experience one month is still pretty early. Ive actually lost two relationships because i was in such a hurry to be exclusive with them. (One month, i was trying to make it a relationship, both ran for the hills...in fact i think i just made the same mistake with my current relationship...which is how i realized...one, two, even three months, its still too early to tell) It takes time for guys to actually realize if they want to be exclusive. THey say its a lot harder for men than for women to get over failed relationships so most men really take their time to get into one. Id say go with the flow, but try to hold off on the sex. Why would he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free??? Now, if you guys are on a sort of time frame, then maybe it wouldnt hurt to hint at it. Dont ask straight out, just kinda feel up where he's at when it comes to you guys. I hope things work out well for both of you Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted July 28, 2007 Author Share Posted July 28, 2007 The only reason I was kind of curious is because we are sort of on a little time frame. We're both home for summer vacation, and go back to school in 3 weeks... but the plus is that our schools are only about an hour away. I just didnt want to make any assumptions that things would continue beyond the summer even tho we are somewhat close. Last week he asked if i was going to be visiting him at school and I said yes, if im invited.. but it was kind of in a joking context.. so im not sure if this was his way of hinting he wanted things to continue.. or if it was just a joke. He makes lots of casual references hinting he could want than just physical: - skips boys night to come sit around with me -calls me and tells me im keeping him awake cuz he can't stop thinking about me - mentions he feels like he was missing "his other half" -etc i just dont want to get ahead of myself and assume this automatically hes thinking of a future Link to post Share on other sites
cr8sea Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I know exactly what you mean, and you're right about not making assumptions. Unless he tells you straight out that he wants to be in a relationship, or that he wants to keep dating you even after summer, dont assume he will, no matter what he says. The guy im currently seeing calls me 'his baby", "his Angie", adn im known to his friends as his girl. He says his my Mr Right, etc etc. Yet when i mentioned something about me being his girlfriend he said we werent in an exclusive relationship and we werent boyfriend and girlfriend....so that taught me not to assume ANYTHING no matter how clear it seems. Good luck with your guy! Link to post Share on other sites
fray718 Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 Yet when i mentioned something about me being his girlfriend he said we werent in an exclusive relationship and we werent boyfriend and girlfriend. Hopefully you're not already sleeping with him and also, why are you still dating him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted July 29, 2007 Author Share Posted July 29, 2007 So because of a little issue (posted in the cheating, flirting..section) we kind of got into a lil gf/bf talk. one of my friends was introducing me as his gf friday night and mentionned it to him.. he smiled but did not comment.. then during a discusion the next night i said.. but im not your girlfriend so i cant really say anything... so today he brought this up and even said.. then u laid it on me hard and said im not your girlfriend... so we drove to his house so he could change (he was going to a family lunch) and we were sitting outside, so i said.. if it made u uncomftortable that she called me ur girlfriend ill tell her not to do it and he was like no but u told me yesterday im not your girlfriend.. and i said no.. ur taking it out of context.. its not like i dont want to be your girlfriend.. its just that we've never discussed that.. so technically im not your girlfriend.. and he said.. ya i can see what ur staying.. its still early i guess- we've only been dating for like a month right.. and i was like ya.. so my problem is.. i don't know if he was offended i said im not your girlfriend and thinks i dont want to be or am not ready.... or if he is not ready.. ?? any insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted July 30, 2007 Author Share Posted July 30, 2007 Apparently, after talking to our close friends.. they informed me that by him calling me "his girl" last night, he meant his girlfriend.. apparently on this random island the terms are interchangeable.. so now i'm thinking OMG... he must be thinking, this girl doesnt want to be with me.. he did say... "then u just laid it on me and said, im not your girlfriend" but all i meant is we never had "the talk", when apparently he considered i was his girlfriend already :S They ar almost convinced this is what he meant.. and now, because i said im not his girlfriend.. is trying to cover it up as if he isn't ready or..?? etc. So now I dont know what to do. I called and his phone was off, we talked a bit before that and he said he would call me if he was coming out or before he went to bed, but never did. He did say he missed me tho.. so now I don't know how to go about fixing things.. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I think you should stop obsessing. You'll only be an hour away once you go back to school. You'll find out then if he wants to keep seeing you or not. In the meantime, don't do anything you're uncomfortable with without a more explicit commitment (ie don't have sex with him if it'll hurt you later to realize you WEREN'T exclusive). You gotta chill out and stop reading so much into his every word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted July 30, 2007 Author Share Posted July 30, 2007 Thanks for your response, but this issue isn't really what is he thinking anymore... I think with the recent events over the weekend, its more like tongue twisted.. who said what.. and now I'm confused about what he means. i dont know how i should approach talking to him about it because if he didnt mean "girlfriend" by calling me his girl0- i dont want him to feel pressured.. but i dont know if he was playing off the whole situation because he thought i wasnt ready.. i just dont want to make him uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 But see, you're going to make him uncomfortable if you keep overanalyzing exactly what was meant with every little thing that was said. I agree that it sounds like there's been a miscommunication, but I can see why you would be worried, but I think actions speak louder than words and right now the best thing you can do is keep hanging out with him, having fun, and making it clear that you are interested. He'll catch on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted July 30, 2007 Author Share Posted July 30, 2007 If I do jsut leave it alone, what if he's gun shy cuz basically I rejected him.. and doesnt think I'm on that bf/gf level... and then he doesnt feel comfortable bringing it up again? Link to post Share on other sites
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