my best friend and my dad

[SweetRB]

Ok I am 23, almost 24. I have a real close friend that I grew up with. We met in the 3rd grade. We were best friends in elementary and high school. Then she moved away to Chicago for a couple years and then moved back with her mom when I graduated. After moving back we had a lot of catching up and we often would hang out together. My dad recently broke up with his psyco x-wife and I was bringing him along with me when I went out. He enjoyed going to clubs with me and hanging out with me and my friends and my boyfriend. We hung out for months. One night I asked my dad if he wanted to go to dinner and drinks and he said sure, can I bring my friend and I said go ahead and anyways to make a long story short. He told me he liked my freind and she like him and 2 weeks later they moved in with each other and now there living together. At first I thought It was ok, but after they got serious I just dont know. I still talk to my friend but its been a couple months and it bugs me still. When I see them together, I just feel they have nothing in common. I know how she is and I know how he is. Lately I havent been really talking to her. When I think about them being together it makes me not feel so good and I just wish it was how it use to be. Now that there serious I just dont know if I should just get over it or be mad or if I will ever get over it.?

[Guest]

That's a tough spot to be in and I'm sure pretty weird.

 

You must be unusually close with your dad that you would hang out together at clubs and such. That's a very special relationship. However, it probably also gets weird when your dad shares some of the same interests, hangouts and friends as you.

 

You will have to try and accept that your friend and your dad like each other. I know it's very very weird to think of them being intimate. Nobody likes to think of their parents in that way....especially not with friends the same age as their children!

 

 

You may want to distance yourself for a little while and spend less time with your dad and friend until your feelings settle. Chances are, this relationship may not be for the long haul. However, IF it is.....you need to come to peace with the fact that your friend may end up (technically) your STEP MOTHER!

 

Hey, life is weird.

 

The most important thing is to try and be understanding. If you are too emotional to be understanding right now, take some time and distance for yourself. Ultimately, try to remember your dad is just a human being who needs love and affection just like anyone.

[Guest]

I am 27 and found out about 2 months ago that my dad is dating my "best friend". I have know her since I was 5 and she was 7. We grew up together and lived right next door. We went to eachother's family holidays (mom & dad's side), reunions, camping trips, etc. We were like sisters andlways slept over at eachother's house even on school nights. We started to grow apart as she hit high school then she had her sons at 17 & 19 and got married to their father (22-23 years older than her) I baby sat on occassion.

 

We always remained close and in touch though not seeing eachother often as we each had our own lives by then. My brother's dad ended up moving next door to her and my brother became bestfriends with her sons when they were 9 and 7 and he was 8. He's now turning 11. I took all 3 of them out for his last birthday but she stayed home drunk and didn't come with us. So carried on the tradtion of our family's being "family friends". She has alcohol issues and always has since about 14, just like she's always dated older men. I always urged her to get help but to no avail - so I distanced myself even more. She has drunk called me throughout the years. About 2 years ago her and my dad started talking again - through me at first. She cleaned houses and I had her call him, she started cleaning his house.

 

I suspected something back then and asked her bluntly - she said she would never date my dad and was appalled that I would even think she would do something like that. She was still married then, eventually got divorced but was with a boyfriend. I guess my dad and her continued to stay in touch, with her calling him at 1am drunk on a weeknight, like she would me. Anywas I guess she left her live-in boyfriend for my dad. She came over to his house drunk one night and their "clothes came off in 15 minutes" as my dad put it when telling me about his "new girlfriend", before I knew who "she" was. Then he eventually tells me the new girl friend is my friend (more like sister) whom he's know since she was 7 years old and he in his 20's with a daughter basically the same age!!!

 

He admitted he's always liked her and told me he remember her saying when she was about 12 years old that she liked older men!!!!! She pleaded with him not to tell me because she was afraid I'd "hate" her. He asked me repeatedly to call her and give her my approval because she keeps saying things like "you're going to leave me because Lea doesn't want you with me." I never called becuase I don't approve and not because of the age.

 

Now just 2 days ago, after not talking to him for 2 months, he called me at work and told me "You're going to have a little sister". I was his only child, but at 51 he'll have a new daughter. I'm positive marriage is not far behind. Her sons have know me as "Auntie" and now I guess I'll be their step-sister. He wants me to be involved with the baby shower and keeps urging me to call her. I have never been able to stand up to my father and he ruled with an iron fist. He had custody of me since I ws 2. Now that they are together I am remembering lots of things from my childhood, how he always favored her or would accuse me of lying, but if "she" said I wasn't then he'd believe her, even though she was the one alwys getting in trouble. She'd sneak out to see guys when staying the night at our house and he knew it but never said a word. I'd sneak out to buy icecream with the wrapper as evidence and I'd have hell to pay in various forms.

 

Ick - the creep out factor is grossing me out!! He had to have thought of her in "that way" when she was in middle school!!!! What does that make him? And the fact we were like sisters I feel very betrayed by her. With the holiday's coming up and the upcoming baby in March and my whole family knowing her this is going to be weird. I also have a new boyfriend who I started dating at the same time, he has never met my dad's side and I was originally planning on introducing him to all them, but not now. He doesn't want to deal with all the weirdness until it all blows over - which I understand. Sorry this is so long - I had to do the full background story. I searched all over the internet and your story is the only one I found similar to mine. It is so weird and grosses me out. I cannot accept "them", but they are adults and can do as they wish - though the rest of my family thinks it qualifies for the Jerry Springer show.