obsessive friends

[Guest]

I'm having a problem with one of my friends and I would like some advice. I sometimes hang out with a group of peole from HS, none of which I feel close to other than that we went to the same school for many years. However, none of them call me to hang out (not that I care) except for one guy that acts as the social organizer. while we should be trying to focus on our futures, get jobs, etc, it seems like these people are just interested in going out EVERY night and doing some inane activity -- going to nasty bars, bowling, or just watching movies together and blowing time. believe me, i've done my fair share of hanging out with these people and if you do it night after night, you realize you have NOTHING to say to eachother after awhile and it just leaves you feeling emtpy and bored. However, these people insist on going out every night and wasting time, and ALWAYS call me. I say "Oh, I can't", give some excuse, whatever but they just can't take no for an answer and it results in them calling me over and over again to the point where it feels like stalking or something. the main caller also acts like i'm doing some huge disservice to him by not hanging out with him, even though i have family in town at the moment...he asks me to REARRANGE my schedule so that i can go out with them later. Now, don't get me wrong. it's great to have people that want to hang out with you and call you, but at some point it just becomes way too much and i feel suffocated. I don't want to burn any bridges, but It just seems like they can't take a hint. I think saying "I don't want to hang out with you EVERY night" is too personal and mean, but i'm seriously running out of excuess. And the times when I can just not pick up the phone are great (when my parents aren't home because they always pick it up thus i have to speak to them)...but it just means they'll call back in 1/2 an hour or an hour. I don't mean to come off like a pompous bitch, but I'm sure EVERYONE can understand the need to have some "time alone" or spend your evenings doing something other than just kill time...

any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry that it's so long.

Jess

[littlekitty]

It's not mean to be clear and set a boundry within friendships.

 

Simply explain that you have other responsibilities as well now. You have to spend time doing other things. That you really enjoy hanging out with them, but that you can only spare a few nights a week to do so. They really ought to be able to give you your space. If they can't... you might have to be blunter!!

[Buttaflyy]

It's not mean to be clear and set a boundry within friendships.

 

Simply explain that you have other responsibilities as well now. You have to spend time doing other things. That you really enjoy hanging out with them, but that you can only spare a few nights a week to do so. They really ought to be able to give you your space. If they can't... you might have to be blunter!!

 

Ditto what LK said! It's not mean to be blunt and say "I'm not up to it". There are but so many excuses you could give, and they seem to already know that you're blowing them off anyways. I've had to tell my friends the same things plenty of times. In my case it's worst because my "friends" are pushing 30 with families and responsibilities. I plainly told them that I've got other things to take care of and that they need to grow up.