lost something dear, need it back

[confusion2006]

I'm not sure where to start this, but here I go. I had this very special and dear male friend. But, I guess I was naive or something and didn't quite get the true nature of our friendship. I met this guy almost 5 years ago. And I absolutely hated him. But, one day I "discovered" him. We hit it off in an attraction way. Things didn't move as fast as I wanted, we had a few problems, he called off everything. I waited a few months and contacted him. This time we were intimate (but not nearly as good as I thought it would be). Something happened we went seperate ways again. This time he contacted me and we were doing pretty good, until last week.

This guy would do most anything I asked of him for the most part and I always showed my appreciation (non sexual of course). So recently, he tells me in a not so straighforward way that he and his baby's mother are trying to work things out (and I'm not mad a little jealous because I felt we were very close and he could have told me sooner). So knowing that she isn't to fond of me, I tried to back up and give them space. In the meantime, I hooked back up with my SO. Sent him a letter telling him so. We were still ok, and then a lie started by one of his co-workers led to complete destruction of us. I miss him horribly. Initially he said no contact ever. In my angry I let out a deep secret that affects us both. I wished to take it back, but couldn't so I asked an ex of mine from way back yonder to call him on my behalf and ask him to please keep our secret. Ex doen;t know the full extent of the secret. He agreed, in fact, my ex said that he told him that he and I were still okay. This is the same night. So, the next day, I had to call about a check he wrote on my behalf. When he returned my call I was cold (more like still hurting that somebody insignigicant to us could cause this damage and that he allowed it and handled the situation horrible). Two nights later I'm not able to locate the SO and I know the SO doesn't like him and has said a time or two he thought about beating him up. I get scared that SO is doing just that so I call to make sure he is ok (at 1:30am) he doesn't answer. So I tried to call him the following day to do damage control. Now he is extremely and eeriely calm, but wants the NC ever again. I agree and hang up w/ a polite thank you. I'm hurting real bad I am truely in love with this guy and don't want to be w/o him. Call again two days later at job, we talk but no where near the way we use to . He tells me that I let out a secret in anger and he can't get over it, but I told him before. He didn't respond, so I left it alone. He said he doesn't remember.

So some that know a little about the situation say he is upset that I'm back with the SO, but I wasn't upset that he was back w/ baby's mother.Could it be that he did all he did with expectations of more than my friendship. I know he has told me before that we are "great friends". So I don't understand what has happened?

Bottom line is this, we have been in the NC mode a couple times in the past. I miss him like crazy and want my friend back, but I don't think he will talk to me. Is there anything I can do. And I need to be able to monitior the effect of my secret closely. Please advise. Thanks for reading

[tinktronik]

This guy has told you what he wants.He wants you to leave him alone.I'd advise you do just that.

[kaneplacegirl]

leave him alone he may talk to you again just don't bug him