Uh Im so bad at this

[Lupin3]

Ok. I feel stupid doing this but whatever. Here’s the deal:

 

I just got out of high school and this girl is just going into her junior year in HS. I didn’t meet her until the beginning of this past summer, and it was by chance since she knew my long term friend. Our first conversation was kind of shakey but I liked her humor and she was really mature for her age. We didn’t talk for a while but when we did again we realized we were REALLY similar, and we hung out a bunch of times. We got more and more comfortable around each other, and a few weeks ago she told me online “you make me really happy” and that I was the only one who understood her. She often worries about me and my bouts with depression and how she would be devastated if she lost me and whatnot. She also says things like how much she misses me, etc etc. In person though she usually is different, more quite at first when I first see her. She usually smiles a really huge smile when she first sees me and when she gets pissed off or acts sad or depressed I usually just have to poke fun a little and she can’t hold back her smile no matter how hard tries. And we do the stupid push me push you back and forth thing that everyone tries to avoid because its so stupid but we all wind up succumbing to it. And when we’re alone she usually talks about how she thinks her friends don’t like her (which of course isn’t true) because they don’t understand her when she’s depressed. She also says things like how she hates muscular guys and would rather go out with a skinny pale guy (uh, my description) any day.

 

So now, the flip side. We’re both stubborn people and we don’t have to say a lot to each other to understand what the other is thinking. But on this particular topic its kind of hard. I know that if she did want a relationship with me she would probably never admit it because we’re so stubborn and same with me. ALL of our friends keep asking us if we’re going out and we keep telling them no, and she especially elaborates this point to me, that she hates it everyone thinks a guy and a girl can’t just be friends and nothing else. Now all of this COULD be a terrible defense mechanism, but she also does things like stops talking to me for a long while, which I really don’t care. But she sometimes gets really short with me and distant and goes and has tons of fun with her usual friends and then after a while will suddenly IM me while I’m away saying how much she misses me. It’s almost like she only wants to talk to me when she’s lonely, I can’t really tell.

 

We do have a solid friendship after only a few months and we both tell each other how much we think the whole idea of a boyfriend and girlfriend is often sleazy nowadays and how people just use other people and whatnot. We’re both ultra stubborn so its so hard to find out anything. The thing is, I’ll do whatever she wants. I like our friendship a lot, and the whole idea of use being a couple is sort of weird to me since we have that kind of stubborn platonic thing going to well. On the other hand I really can’t help feeling attracted to someone who I can finally relate to and not feel like an alien around. I’m lonely, I need someone to hold. I need someone to SHOW me they need me, more than a friend. Ah, well, I’ve been babbling. If anyone here could give me their take on it, it’d be appreciated.

 

 

PS> sorry for the atrocious grammar. I USUALLY don't write so badly- but I'm kind of in a rush.

[Lupin3]

So no one can help me?

[bunnzy]

Lupin, you must have posted during a lull.

 

I was involved in a similar relationship in high school. If you are both stubborn that doesnt mean that you can'r communicate about your feelings. Tell her that you feel vulnerable, that you don't want to lose her, and maybe you could take the friendship a step further. It sounds like she will reciprocate. It seems she feels a little hurt when people ask if you are together, and she realises that you are 'just friends' i had one guy i fully liked in high school tell me he though of me like a sister after i told him how i felt about him, and it devastated me.

 

Unless you want it to stay how it is, which i assume you don't. You need to talk to her. Face-to-face, be open, and stop if her body language gets defensive or hostile. But if she opens her eyes wider and leans a little towards you, you can probably just grab her in the biggest hug ever, and if she ok with it a big pash.

 

I hope this helps.

[Lupin3]

Yeah sorry, I'm new here so it's hard for me to guage how busy it'll be or if it's just a dead board. I also posted this topic in friends and lovers under unregistered and didn't realize that it would take some time for it to post. So if a moderator can get rid of that one that would be great.

 

 

The one thing I'm afraid of about being open with her is that she'll get the wrong idea. She's expressed how she hates when guys are just friends with her just to get with her as a girlfriend, so she turned down a guy recently after having second thoughts about him (which was also coincidentally after she got to know me better). Of course when we started our friendship I had no ideas at all about being together or trying to "move in" on her in anyway. But things just kind of happened naturally, and I'm just afraid if I outright tell her she might get the wrong perspective of me and withdraw even more.

 

I've made subtle body language towards her to test how she feels, like getting closer to her more and taking her hand when we go hiking in steeper places. She generally accepts it, but sometimes she kind of goes away from it.

 

Basically, I just don't want her to think that I'm some sleazy a**h*** who's a different person than I let off. Trying to "move in" on someone just isn;'t my style and I don't want to confuse her.

[JS17]

My advice is go after what you want. How long do you want to be doing this dance with her? Be a man, tell her that you want her. Walk away unscathed if she rejects you.

[Lupin3]

God. This girl is weird. I didnt talk to her for a week and suddenly she's "really close friends" with this mutual friend we had- she said how she never really knew him that well and now they hang out all the time- kind of like we did. Now everyone thinks they're going out and she's mad that people assume that too. This is pissing me off because I know she thinks they're just friends now, I know exactly what he's doing. He's definately moving in on her but she doesn't really get it yet. This happened to me before with another friend and it pissed me off. I don't feel like I should have to try to trick this girl into liking me or trying to seduce her in any way. We had a really close relationship and he basically just came out of nowhere. The whole problem though is that right now he lives closer to her than me, and I currently don't have a car, so I never get to see her. So basically, she's going to forget about me and I'm sure they'll eventually go out, even if she doesn't think so.

 

She still talks to me and we have really good conversations. She talks to me about her problems and she's really insecure because her last boyfriend cheated on her with a guy, and this was after he just went out with her best friend. So she's been avoiding guys for a while because she still feels like a replacement and her friend puts her down for it all the time. People still ask if me and her are going out and she gets pissed off too. She seems confused about all the whole thing and probably scared, but the fact of the matter is since this other guy came out of left field, he's in more of an oppurtunity to distract her and have fun with her.

 

I know it sounds dumb, but you kind of have to take into account the position Im in. Needless to say my friends kind of burn me up.