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Best friend spends all her time with boyfriend


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Old 27th July 2005, 3:09 PM   #1
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Best friend spends all her time with boyfriend

I'm a male, and my best friend is a female. She's had a boyfriend for over a year, and although I'll admit I'm a little jealous, I've learned to deal with it, and it doesn't bother me much.

So my situation is that recently she has been spending any moment she has free to be with her boyfriend. And the only time I get to hang out with her is when her boyfriend is busy. Now I respect her wish to do whatever she has with her time, but I end up missing her and feeling like a 'backup' of some sort, me having no priority for her time.

My question is how I should deal with this. Most of the time when her boyfriend is busy and asks for me to hang out, I dont have anything better to do, and I do enjoy my time with her. Thats the problem with just cutting her off, because I do like the time I can get with her. However, I do get a sense of inferiority when she's never around. So should I just deal with those feelings and get over it? Or is it better for me to break off this 'best friendship'? Thanks.
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Old 27th July 2005, 3:13 PM   #2
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Do you have romantic feelings for her?
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Old 27th July 2005, 5:12 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Merin
Do you have romantic feelings for her?
good question...
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Old 27th July 2005, 5:23 PM   #4
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i'll admit i did when we first met, but they've gone away for a while now. perhaps they could be hidden deep down, but i dont think thats the problem I dont mind her having a boyfriend, just wish she had more/would make more time for me.
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Old 27th July 2005, 5:24 PM   #5
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Quote:
So my situation is that recently she has been spending any moment she has free to be with her boyfriend
So, what's the problem, she's committed?!

Quote:
And the only time I get to hang out with her is when her boyfriend is busy.
Logical!


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My question is how I should deal with this. Most of the time when her boyfriend is busy and asks for me to hang out, I dont have anything better to do, and I do enjoy my time with her. Thats the problem with just cutting her off, because I do like the time I can get with her. However, I do get a sense of inferiority when she's never around. So should I just deal with those feelings and get over it? Or is it better for me to break off this 'best friendship'? Thanks.
I read your words and it brings me to familiar territory. I understand you feel a little pushed to the side but come on how old are you? She's in a committed relationship and besides work and school (if she's in school and works) her man comes next. If your her friend and value her friendship respect her. She's your best friend, I do think you need to express to her that maybe spending to MUCH time can be bad and that you really miss hanging out with her. But don't tell her your spending to much time with your bf because I know any chance I get to spend with the one I love, I do!

If you think breaking up a friendship is the way to go than you obviously don't really care for her as a friend you're thinking selfishly, just talk to her. Friends are suppose to be their for each other through thick and thin and now that it's a little rocky you're bailing, doesn't make sense.

What if the tables were turned and you were in a relationship (serious one) and your friend just stopped talking to you without giving a reason, wouldn't you feel bad and betrayed? So, talk to her and see what she says. You can always hang out with them and bring a date, have you ever thought of hanging out with them?
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Old 27th July 2005, 5:46 PM   #6
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Well I do hint at that she doesn't hang out with me much anymore, but never sat down and really talked to her about it. The reason why is because I think that she should make her own decision on how to spend her time, if she feels like she'd rather be with her boyfriend, so be it. I dont want to have to convince her for some time.

I guess what kind of triggered this is some advice another friend gave. Dont make someone a priority when you are an option to them. And I certainly feel like an option when all i got is backup duty. I do value her as a friend, i'm just confused because i think she's valueing me less of a friend just because she's in a committed relationship, not because anything I've done.

Also, she tends to want to be alone with the boyfriend whenever they are doing whatever they do. She doesn't like double dating or hanging out in our group of friends when she's with the boyfriend.
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Old 27th July 2005, 5:56 PM   #7
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I'm sorry to hear that Darwed, I know how hard it is to lose your best friend, hang in there!

Continue to be there for her, talk to her please, and let things go. Sometimes even in a friendship you have to make sacrafices and compromises and it seems the only thing she's compromising and sacraficing is you. If you feel your getting the short end of the stick don't stand their and let her treat you that way.

Friends are an important part of life and sometimes can be tricky but in the end what matters is that you grow together and don't forget all the times you were their for each other. Do whatever makes you feel better.
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Old 27th July 2005, 6:39 PM   #8
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Also, she tends to want to be alone with the boyfriend whenever they are doing whatever they do. She doesn't like double dating or hanging out in our group of friends when she's with the boyfriend.

that's understandable, because you just want to focus on that person. However, it's a bad rut to get into because doing that tests friendships much in the way y'alls is being tested.

tell her you really miss hanging out with her, even though you're thrilled she's got someone to love, and leave it at that. If you get too pushy, she'll resent it; if you don't say anything, later she's going to get her feelings hurt when she realizes your not happy about the situation. Most of all, try to figure out a fair balance and start running aroud with other friends in the meantime. It'll take your mind off missing her and getting angry about her being like this with you.
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