Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned, and Rejected!

[Virgin26]

Hi everyone,

 

Writing here as I'm feeling so confused and perplexed! Often times, I feel unwanted and rejected by any social circle I try to connect with. I literally have no friends and I'm feeling down and so lonely. It feels like the harder I try, the more people reject me.

 

I'm really not sure what I'm doing wrong! I tried smiling constantly, asking questions, showing interest, being proactive about scheduling time with people, joining groups and meet-ups... But nothing leads to a lasting friendship. I know I'm a little socially awkward, but it's not that bad! I've seen people who are way too aggressive and cynical that have more social life than I do

 

What the h** is wrong with me? I'm so sad and my self-esteem in taking a massive hit because of this. How do I identify the issue? (And yes - I do thing something is wrong with me since this is happening with so many different people that it can't be a coincidence)

 

Please help!

[snowboy91]

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling - I had been in a similar place for many years of my life. Just curious - how old are you? What are people saying or doing to make you feel rejected?

 

Feelings of social awkwardness are often (but not always) linked to anxiety and depression - which makes trying to be proactive in building and maintaining friendships far more difficult than it should be. But it can get easier with practice. Don't be afraid to be a little awkward if it means you're learning. And often you will meet people you just don't click with very well. Trying to make friends isn't much easier than dating - compatibility is still a huge factor.

 

Friendship can sometimes be one of those weird knock-on things - you'll sort of become friends with someone, then they may have a gathering when you'll meet someone you'll become great friends with, and then they have a few others and so forth. Grab those people you've either got mutual interests with, or that you just click with.

[maxi105]

hey snowboy,

 

there is nothing wrong with you im sure so just believe that firstly. second up, are there any clubs or hobbies you can join that meet regularly? that is often a good way of meeting several people at once and you have something in common right away. its also a good way if as you can talk about things that went on at the club if you are stuck for things, also some clubs have parties occasionally or there might be invites through members etc.

 

life is getting more online too and that can be a problem if you are feeling a bit cut off also because even in families and circles that you once knew or still know for a long time, people are grouped around their gizmo's and are not always that interested unless you want to join in listening or viewing all the things they find funny 24/7.

 

maybe at the local store, cafe or library they have things going on or posters for groups.

 

are there any easter celebrations you can join in on, it will get you out there at least.

 

the other thing is look online near you, there must be social groups or people meeting up for something, maybe why not try something that you wouldn't normally be into just to see if there are like minded souls there.

 

the one thing clubs often like is new members, it makes the club fresh and its fun to get to know them and they will want to get to know you too.

 

this is the season to get out there and mingle. just dont give up on it, sometimes you just gotta make more of an effort, there is a lot going on, even if it means you have to travel once a month for something you like, give it a try you might discover somewhere new and good fun.

 

there will be others out there too who all feel the same way you do...maybe if you have the courage, why not set up something locally and see if anyone shows? maybe advertise going to a movie or something, it might work it might not, but its gotta be better than feeling the way you do right?

 

good luck and let us know how it goes, maxi

[amaysngrace]

Masturbation because every body needs love

 

Give it a try!

[preraph]

Keep joining things. Take a Zumba class or a yoga class. Volunteer a few hours a week somewhere you'll be appreciated. Google your town and volunteer opportunities. Take a second small job that is something casual, waitressing, hostessing, or a clothing store, where you'll meet employees. If you find yourself saying "but I don't like this and that," realize it's holding you back. Schedule things to do for yourself with or without a friend to go with you. You make friends by having something in common with them that you both like to do. So if what you like happens to be all indoors or all online, how you going to meet someone, so just be sure you keep up getting out and being social. I'm in a meetup too. Only about once every 2 months, and not met anyone I'm ready to be big friends with, but at least it gets me out of the house and chatting with a group of women over a nice lunch. You just have to keep doing things you enjoy for two reasons: One, that alone is entertaining; two, it's your best bet for meeting a friend.

 

The other thing you might need to do is ask someone who knows you but isn't just like you if there is something you're doing to run people off. I mean, it could be anything from "tries to hard" to "needs a shower" to "Is holier than thou (too judgemental)." But if you find out something, fix it rather than defend it. Good luck.

Edited March 15, 2018 by preraph

[grace4ever]

I’m truly sorry for you are going through. In despise of this situation Let me tell you that you are important, valuable and a person worth of dignity. Everyone has been created for love and being loved. It is natural as human being love and seek being loved. Counseling can be helpful through things like this. You are valuable and worthy to fighting for. Love starts for within oneself then other can love us. If we do not love ourselves we can not expect others to love us. Therapy can help you how to love yourself and how to be yourself. It is not necessary to please others, but just be yourself. No everyone is going to like us. Have you ever read “How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie”. Do you have a belief or system to help you through things like this? I do not know whether if you believe in God, but I will keep you in my prayers, my friend.

[cabbageman]

You need to stop going out to meet people forcefully. Let go of the online stuff for now, it can be exhausting and detrimental to your self-esteem, unnecessary.

 

You rock, remember that. Think like a rockstar, don't spend time on those who don't care to spend time with you, time is money. And don't be upset at others who think like this or are "too busy" as well, especially if you are young, this is often the busiest times of people's lives.

 

Focus on YOU. Do things that YOU enjoy doing alone, but in public!

 

For example, if you like to draw, go to the park and draw.

 

If you like yoga, join a yoga class.

 

If you are religious you should be safe openly meeting people at your church.

 

Join a beer leagues sports team. This is probably the best thing to do.

 

Don't be fake, be your authentic self even if you might offend people.

 

When you go the restaurant or bar, never sit at your own table EVER. Always sit at the bar.

 

Basically whatever you like to do, find a way to do that in a public environment. You need to meet like-minded people and you do that by finding a like-minded area to chill and meet them.

 

Easy spots to meet ppl: smokers area, fishing, hotel lobbies, hostel lobbies, hostel bars, hookah lounge, pub style bars, comedy clubs, cabarets, fundraisers, etc..

 

So what are your hobbies?