LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

clingy/obsessive friend!!!


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree2Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 5th February 2018, 3:02 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
Angry clingy/obsessive friend!!!

Hello all, how does one deal with an overly clingy (nice way of putting it) friend?

So I technically work with her so I'm trying not to make things awkward..she's about my age single and lives at home. She claims she doesn't have "many" friends to hang with so she's always asking me every single week if I can do lunch.

I used to have no problem with that till one time I told her hey I'm broke she's like don't worry about it I'll pay. So I said okay sure...what did she do?? She asked me to pitch in for the tip! I literally had to dig through my coin purse to help. That didn't sit right with me and ever since then I don't want to hang with her anymore.

Every week she asks me to hang week after week (every week). I give her excuse after excuse after lie after lie and she just doesn't get the hint or backs off...

This sounds mean but I'm starting to think she is a little obsessed...like she'll ask what I work daily then text me like not even 5 minutes after I clock off..and if I ignore it she'll still continue to text. I don't mind being her friend but she in a sense is smothering me! I cringe when she texts because it gives me anxiety and stresses me out because she's going to ask to hang out AGAIN after I gave an excuse or a lie as to why I couldn't.

I'm also an introvert so I don't like hanging all the time and especially with her every single week. I do enjoy staying at home. She doesn't seem to listen when I say hey I can't because I'm trying to save money or whatnot.

I don't know how else to get her to back off but to be mean but I'm afraid this will make working with her awkward..Help??!! I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't know what else to do she is literally driving me crazy and it's frustrating me and causing anxiety!

I'm running out of ideas other than to just change my number! It's really stressing me out!!! ������
Slyvanix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th February 2018, 7:37 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 77
I don't suggest that changing your number and ghosting her, because that would only increase her obsession. Obsessive people are like that IMO.

You can solve your problem the direct way or the indirect way.

Direct approach is to tell her that you're an introvert and you don't like getting too involved with people, you have to save money, it's not that she's bad or anything (yeah, she probably is but still) but you don't want your friendship to be like that.

Indirect -or manipulative- approach is to make her run away from you by upsetting her. If you know her political views, you can say that you think exact the opposite (saying that you're a white supremacist would scare away a few people, lol). You can disrespect her in many ways, by ditching her, making her wait a lot when you're meeting, by not picking up your phone when she calls, if you text through Whatsapp you can "see" her texts but without replying. There are many ways to upset people, just read this forum and learn what people are going through to have an insight about those ways
drakon12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th February 2018, 8:17 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 561
Just dont engage, keep any conversation to an absolute minimum, and any request from her are answered with, "no thanks". Dont get involved with the reason why, just a simple no thanks.


Ignore texts. Dont answer.

She'll soon find some else to bother.
Whodatdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th February 2018, 8:43 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 18,210
Don't ever give details, and just say "I'm busy" or "I don't have time for socializing anymore."
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2018, 1:15 AM   #5
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
I ignored all her texts tonight. I'm sure I'm going to be asked why I did tomorrow at work. I'm still trying to come up with the "why."...ugh...I'm not good with any kind of confrontation or drama..but this has to stop!
Slyvanix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2018, 2:04 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,700
Just tell her you have a lot going on in your life right now and also that you're not big on texting especially once at home. If she has the nerve to push the conversation after you tell her this, then politely say that you are feeling pressured by her and it's off putting.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2018, 10:04 AM   #7
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 7
I don't like confrontation either. And I usually just tell them the way it is. I don't like to go out much and when I do it's usually family or some old friends that I'm trying to stay in contact with. I would tell her she needs to get involved in something so she can find her some good friends.
Cherished gal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2018, 2:44 PM   #8
Established Member
 
newlywedder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 87
You should be honest and say you would like to see other friends. It will hurt but in the end, she will appreciate your honesty.
newlywedder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2018, 3:01 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 981
You say you donít like confrontation but this little game youíre playing is making it worse for the both of you.

Be honest with the girl stop lying to Her or anyone I donít think what she did especially when you let her know that you were low on funds so I can understand why that put a sour taste in your mouth

However that also sounds like that was a while ago by now you should not be as broke as you were at that time at least I hope not so first things first review your finances, you should try to work on that so you can avoid those problems in the future not just with her but with anybody else

Second you should tell her via text if you donít want to do it physically. Just be up front and tell her how you feel

Good luck
Purepony is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2018, 5:49 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 561
Tell her you turned your phone off. Often times people will do that to stop the aggravation. I know I do....often.
Whodatdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2018, 1:54 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,101
You should try working on your boundaries, assertiveness, and communication. You seem afraid to be honest with this person who is bothering you and stressing you out. You're making your own life more difficult in order to avoid confrontation and awkwardness. That's not in your best interests.

Next time someone asks you for tip money after they told you they're going to treat you because you have no money, you should be able to say, "Sorry, I told you before that I don't have any money for this. I was under the impression that this was your treat?" (But honestly if this was the main reason you don't want to hang out with her anymore, I think that's a little bit petty. She asked you for a few bucks after she bought your dinner. It's not that cool of her, but it's not the worst thing a person can do to you. And you agreed to it, after all.)

So it's going to feel weird to tell her you don't want to hang out outside of work, but if she's making your life as difficult as you say she is, you're going to have to tell her just that. You can soften it a lot. You can say, "Hey, I enjoy seeing you at work, but I'm not interested in a friendship outside of work. I'm kind of an introvert and like just having time to myself when not working. Hope you understand." It might make things awkward at your job, but that might have to happen in order for her to stop bothering you. If she starts becoming unprofessional in your workplace, you can take it up with management.
Danika likes this.
CC12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2018, 2:38 AM   #12
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by drakon12 View Post
I don't suggest that changing your number and ghosting her, because that would only increase her obsession. Obsessive people are like that IMO.

You can solve your problem the direct way or the indirect way.

Direct approach is to tell her that you're an introvert and you don't like getting too involved with people, you have to save money, it's not that she's bad or anything (yeah, she probably is but still) but you don't want your friendship to be like that.

Indirect -or manipulative- approach is to make her run away from you by upsetting her. If you know her political views, you can say that you think exact the opposite (saying that you're a white supremacist would scare away a few people, lol). You can disrespect her in many ways, by ditching her, making her wait a lot when you're meeting, by not picking up your phone when she calls, if you text through Whatsapp you can "see" her texts but without replying. There are many ways to upset people, just read this forum and learn what people are going through to have an insight about those ways
I'm working on the part of telling her I'm an introvert. I need some time first to work up the courage. I'm taking it on a day by day basis.
Slyvanix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2018, 2:39 AM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whodatdog View Post
Just dont engage, keep any conversation to an absolute minimum, and any request from her are answered with, "no thanks". Dont get involved with the reason why, just a simple no thanks.


Ignore texts. Dont answer.

She'll soon find some else to bother.
I'm doing that. :Last night I ignored all her texts. and if I do choose to reply I take my time before I respond.
Slyvanix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2018, 2:42 AM   #14
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
Just tell her you have a lot going on in your life right now and also that you're not big on texting especially once at home. If she has the nerve to push the conversation after you tell her this, then politely say that you are feeling pressured by her and it's off putting.
That is true I do have a lot going in my life so that wouldn't be a lie. I doubt that even if I told her that it would phase her. She would still text and ask me to hang out like I never told her anything. I need to somehow tell her she is stressing me out to the point it's causing me anxiety. Nobody should feel stressed when their friend is texting. And if they do then maybe it's not a healthy friendship.
Slyvanix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2018, 2:43 AM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherished gal View Post
I don't like confrontation either. And I usually just tell them the way it is. I don't like to go out much and when I do it's usually family or some old friends that I'm trying to stay in contact with. I would tell her she needs to get involved in something so she can find her some good friends.
She needs more friends and especially a hobby!
Slyvanix is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Clingy ďNewĒ Friend healingsoul Friendship 8 22nd February 2016 3:43 AM
How to not be so clingy/obsessive D140 Long-Distance Relationships 5 2nd April 2015 10:26 PM
Obsessive Former Friend (long read) Margo_smith Friendship 7 1st April 2014 7:45 PM
Jealousy/obsessive issues and a friend with benefits- my story! allez102 Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 0 15th June 2010 6:13 PM
Clingy friend Lux Aurumque Friendship 5 7th April 2010 4:10 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:31 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.