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Friend's wedding is becoming too stressful


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Old 20th January 2018, 7:05 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
No, it does not seem reasonable, at all. This is the worst idea and I'm annoyed even reading about it. This schedule is not going to work. They are not going to get 20 (possibly hungover) guests to be ready on time to go do a physical activity early(ish) in the morning. Everything is going to take much longer than they think it will, especially considering all the driving it sounds like everyone will have to do. And 20 people sharing bathrooms trying to get ready for a wedding sounds like it will be a nightmare. How many bathrooms are there, anyway?

You sounded kind of excited about doing the laser tag, and joining in on the group activities. It's not fair of the couple to ask you to not participate in the fun things when the rest of their guests are.

Is there a reason you have to go to the registry office literally hours before the ceremony? Can this not be done at any point before the wedding day? Based on my own experience, the witness is a person who was present for the actual ceremony and they quickly sign a document or two stating so. This happens after the ceremony takes place. Is it different where you're from?

But here's what I suggest. Tell them that it seems like things might get hectic that day and that it would be easier to get this paperwork done with someone else acting as a witness. Tell them that you were honored to be asked but you're excited to join in on the activities with everyone else and that you'd prefer more time to rest and get ready before the wedding.

You have already gone above and beyond for your friend by doing illustrations and attempting cake design. You've already paid for the activities. You go and have fun, just like the rest of their guests.
When you put it like that it actually seems even crazier than I thought. I mean there are two bathrooms.. you're right it's definitely not going to work.

I am not sure why the timings are so weird with the registry office. When I spoke to my friend the other day he said we (him, the Bride, me and other witnesses) needed to leave right after lunch (2pm by his schedule) and drive straight there, then after that he needs to drop the bride off at the salon and all that would take long enough that the rest of us wouldn't get back to the dorms in time, hence why he's going to drop us off at the flat to get ready in 30 -45 minutes.

I've been thinking about what I can possibly do but even if I said I wanted to skip laser tag and lunch and stay at the dorm until they needed me at the registry office, he would still need to drive and pick me up after lunch which is unfair on them. If I was already there that would cut out an unnecessary journey and time wasted just for my benefit.

This is all so stressful I just don't know what to do.
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Old 20th January 2018, 8:18 AM   #17
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Their wedding day plans sound completely unrealistic, and I am willing to bet they are going to be very late and stressed out as a result.

Tell your friend that you won't be going to laser tag at 9 am, non negotiable. If the lunch venue is close, find your own way there. If not, they will have to come get you to go to the registry office. Leave it up to them to figure out.

You have bent over backwards for them already, and it is time that they showed you some appreciation for that. Don't take on their self induced problems and poor planning. This is not worth putting yourself under so much pressure and stress.

Be firm and assertive that what they are asking from you is too unrealistic. You are doing them a favor, not the other way round, remember that.

I am speaking from experience, don't let someone else's wedding become more important than your own comfort and well being, because once the wedding is over, they aren't going to care how much you sacrificed.

Learn to say no.
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Old 21st January 2018, 2:36 AM   #18
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I am not sure why the timings are so weird with the registry office. When I spoke to my friend the other day he said we (him, the Bride, me and other witnesses) needed to leave right after lunch (2pm by his schedule) and drive straight there, then after that he needs to drop the bride off at the salon and all that would take long enough that the rest of us wouldn't get back to the dorms in time, hence why he's going to drop us off at the flat to get ready in 30 -45 minutes.
This is so very strange. Do you know if this is a legal requirement in your country or if the bride and groom just WANT it to be done at that time? In the 3 countries that I'm familiar with, one of them does require the witness to be present at the office, whereas the other 2 don't - there is the option for the signing to be done at the ceremony, although if you want to save money you can do the signing at the office. Regardless, in all 3 of them, the signing at the office does not have to be on the same day as the ceremony (and is usually not done on the same day).

Anyway, I think it's perfectly fair for him to drive and pick you up, given that you already did more than many people would for a friend's wedding, and that it was caused by his own terrible planning. Honestly, if it were me, I'd actually tell him the bolded, too.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 2:50 PM   #19
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This is so very strange. Do you know if this is a legal requirement in your country or if the bride and groom just WANT it to be done at that time? In the 3 countries that I'm familiar with, one of them does require the witness to be present at the office, whereas the other 2 don't - there is the option for the signing to be done at the ceremony, although if you want to save money you can do the signing at the office. Regardless, in all 3 of them, the signing at the office does not have to be on the same day as the ceremony (and is usually not done on the same day).

Anyway, I think it's perfectly fair for him to drive and pick you up, given that you already did more than many people would for a friend's wedding, and that it was caused by his own terrible planning. Honestly, if it were me, I'd actually tell him the bolded, too.
Well I can't find anything on the local Government info that says the documents need to be signed on the same day as the ceremony but I guess that's what they've chosen. I'm really not sure how this all works legally. But if literally all I have to do is sign a document and then watch 3 other people sign it, I'm still unsure as to how that will take up to 1.5 hours like he says...

I will throw the idea out there and see what the reception is. To be honest I've not been well with the flu anyway so if I'm not 100% in 3 days' time I'll at least have a decent excuse to stay at the dorm.
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Old 30th January 2018, 7:14 AM   #20
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I thought I'd update everyone on how things went as the wedding happened this weekend.

It was as much of a disaster as expected. I didn't get out of any of it in the end and in fact ended up dealing with way more drama than necessary. Not only did I get stuck travelling up there for 12 hours instead of 8 because of traffic, but nobody told anyone that the venue had zero phone signal, so when I arrived late I couldn't call to let anyone know to pick me up. I ended up paying a cab to drive me through the pitch black countryside with no phone signal or wifi trying to find this place that I had never seen and the driver had never heard of, and when we finally found it I was basically acknowledged by the groom and left to mingle with everyone else who had been in the middle of playing a murder mystery game that I really wasn't in the mood to perform for.

I needed several drinks before everyone headed to bed and in the morning I decided to get up early enough to have a good long shower and get ready before leaving for laser tag at about 8, but I was exhausted and by the time we went for lunch I already felt like I needed another shower. We were in a chain restaurant with a group of 20+ people and somehow I was one of the last to be served, so I waited 45 minutes for a salad and hadn't even finished it by the time the groom was rushing me to leave. We had to drive back to his flat, I had about 10 minutes to have a shower and get my outfit on before the groom started freaking out because he couldn't find the rings. We were already late so I had to do my makeup in the car while the groom was speeding and having a panic attack, almost crashed 3 times and he pulled up and told me to run over to the hairdressers to collect the bride. She'd been crying because her flowers were the wrong colour, we're late and she thought the groom wasn't going to show up.

We got her in the car, pulled up to the registry office and it was closed. Me and the other witness got out to check and start looking all around for an open door or window, calling the emergency out of hours number while the bride just stormed out of the car and walked off, so the groom drove away to look for her. Meanwhile me and the other witness were just stood for about 10 minutes listening to this useless recorded message not having a clue what to do until we saw the groom yelling at us to come round the corner because we were at the back entrance and they were waiting for us all in the front.

In the registry office the bride was a total wreck and had been crying while the groom was just being super dismissive and not paying attention while they were conducting the interview. We get the signing ceremony done, and then head back to the venue for the fluffed up ceremony and party with all the friends and family, by which point all of us were zombies from the stress of the whole day but I had to keep fending off all these random female family members who kept barging into the toilet to gush over the bride while she was trying to fix her hair and makeup in the 5 minutes before the ceremony was due to start.

Only then could I relax and finally have a drink and something to eat but I was so wired I just felt sick after a while so couldn't really join in with the dancing and everything else, we had to wait until midnight for a minibus to take us back to the barn and I only saw the bride and groom for about 10 minutes on Sunday before I left to go home for another 8 hour bus ride.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the bride had the rings the whole time.
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Old 30th January 2018, 8:32 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Mooncloud View Post
I thought I'd update everyone on how things went as the wedding happened this weekend.

It was as much of a disaster as expected. I didn't get out of any of it in the end and in fact ended up dealing with way more drama than necessary. Not only did I get stuck travelling up there for 12 hours instead of 8 because of traffic, but nobody told anyone that the venue had zero phone signal, so when I arrived late I couldn't call to let anyone know to pick me up. I ended up paying a cab to drive me through the pitch black countryside with no phone signal or wifi trying to find this place that I had never seen and the driver had never heard of, and when we finally found it I was basically acknowledged by the groom and left to mingle with everyone else who had been in the middle of playing a murder mystery game that I really wasn't in the mood to perform for.

I needed several drinks before everyone headed to bed and in the morning I decided to get up early enough to have a good long shower and get ready before leaving for laser tag at about 8, but I was exhausted and by the time we went for lunch I already felt like I needed another shower. We were in a chain restaurant with a group of 20+ people and somehow I was one of the last to be served, so I waited 45 minutes for a salad and hadn't even finished it by the time the groom was rushing me to leave. We had to drive back to his flat, I had about 10 minutes to have a shower and get my outfit on before the groom started freaking out because he couldn't find the rings. We were already late so I had to do my makeup in the car while the groom was speeding and having a panic attack, almost crashed 3 times and he pulled up and told me to run over to the hairdressers to collect the bride. She'd been crying because her flowers were the wrong colour, we're late and she thought the groom wasn't going to show up.

We got her in the car, pulled up to the registry office and it was closed. Me and the other witness got out to check and start looking all around for an open door or window, calling the emergency out of hours number while the bride just stormed out of the car and walked off, so the groom drove away to look for her. Meanwhile me and the other witness were just stood for about 10 minutes listening to this useless recorded message not having a clue what to do until we saw the groom yelling at us to come round the corner because we were at the back entrance and they were waiting for us all in the front.

In the registry office the bride was a total wreck and had been crying while the groom was just being super dismissive and not paying attention while they were conducting the interview. We get the signing ceremony done, and then head back to the venue for the fluffed up ceremony and party with all the friends and family, by which point all of us were zombies from the stress of the whole day but I had to keep fending off all these random female family members who kept barging into the toilet to gush over the bride while she was trying to fix her hair and makeup in the 5 minutes before the ceremony was due to start.

Only then could I relax and finally have a drink and something to eat but I was so wired I just felt sick after a while so couldn't really join in with the dancing and everything else, we had to wait until midnight for a minibus to take us back to the barn and I only saw the bride and groom for about 10 minutes on Sunday before I left to go home for another 8 hour bus ride.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the bride had the rings the whole time.
Wow. I'm really sorry for you, but not at all for those two. They totally got what they deserved - put zero thought into something and you get zero back.

On the other hand... if it helps, your story is a really good lesson for those of us planning our weddings, lol. No laser tag on the morning of!
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Old 30th January 2018, 8:41 AM   #22
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Wow. I'm really sorry for you, but not at all for those two. They totally got what they deserved - put zero thought into something and you get zero back.

On the other hand... if it helps, your story is a really good lesson for those of us planning our weddings, lol. No laser tag on the morning of!
thanks. I could be a wedding planner after this experience!!
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:36 AM   #23
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thanks. I could be a wedding planner after this experience!!
Haha, you should get on it. You wouldn't believe how much people pay for those!
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